Oyaji
by soapfiction
Summary: A few guys from around the world can't resist the lure of manga and anime. After they become hooked, they get more than they bargained for.
1. Never Read Manga Again

Hello to all reading this pointless text that only wastes your time. By the time you are well into reading this, you will see that this is just another attempt in the typical self-insert/original character/whatever archetype, in the shadow of Carrotglace and the fabled _Insertion._ Basically, I just felt like writing this after reading other fics too many times. It's nothing special, and I certainly don't claim it to be as such. I wrote this for fun, and I hope that's the reason you're reading it, if you do. Anyway, here it is; read and enjoy.

**Oyaji**

"Oyaji"- a term in modern Japanese, meaning "old man". While it can be comical (as it usually is), it isn't very respectful.

* * *

As Max sat at his desk, his computer flashed its slide show screensaver. This was because, even though he sat at his computer, he wasn't using it. At least not at the moment.

He sat, reading a manga graphic novel. He'd been borrowing books from a friend of his, not wanting to pay seven dollars a book to read a 38-book series. His friend, a die-hard anime and manga otaku, owned several series in full, and was lending him his volumes of one particular series at the moment. The book in question was Volume 36 of _Ranma ½_.

Max had not always been a fan of the phenomenon from Japan. While he had always had a soft spot for samurai and martial arts films, he had originally held back at the sight of manga and anime, having only had exposure to less appealing shows aimed at younger children, or badly-translated versions. His friend had changed all that, introducing him to different material, starting with a three-day Cowboy Bebop marathon. Max had been converted almost overnight. Other series soon followed, as did manga. _Ranma ½ _had looked rather appealing in its printed form, and, after reading the first book, Max was hooked; within two months, he was already almost finished.

He was just about finished with the book, with one chapter remaining. Still, it was late, and he didn't feel like reading anymore, so he put the book down. As he leaned back in his chair, thoughts of the story he had just read raced through his mind.

_Man_, he thought,_that kid's father really comes off as a jerk in this series. This last book really pushed the envelope! I wish they would cut the guy a break. It's not like he's the worst adult in the series. The kids' mother's pretty messed up in the head…and I fucking _hate_ that twat Nabiki…I don't know why she's so damn popular...  
_

He thought back to the other books he had read. _Well, the guy's an idiot, but, then again, who in the series isn't? And besides, it's funny to watch the old man make things hard for his kid. Damn funny._ He thought back to Volume 21, where the old man was able to defeat his son by simply wrapping him in embrace. He laughed as the picture surfaced in his brain.

He also remembered the story about the Nekoken, the Martial Arts Take-Out story, the entrances of Ryoga, Mousse, Ukyo, and several others. The early books in the series had easily been the best, except for the pathetic "Martial Arts Dining" story. That had been about as funny as Jar-Jar Binks. Also, the "Martial Arts Tea Ceremony" story was a real sleeper…

He decided that he was not too tired to read the final chapter, and picked up the book again. _Oh, good. This one features Ukyo. This should be interesting…_The Okonomiyaki Chef had earned the honor of being his favorite character in the series, so he would finish the story after all…

* * *

Max was having trouble sleeping, although that wasn't a surprise. The central air system in his house had broken a few weeks earlier, after someone had messed up the wiring in the basement with a washing machine malfunction. And, since it was the middle of June, it was hot as hell. It was very hard to sleep in such heat.

Max shifted in his bed constantly, wearing only boxers, and no bed covers. His bed was still moist from the sweat, which showed no signs of letting up. His loin felt the worst because of this. He was about to reach down to pull off his boxers when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

His computer was on. That wouldn't have surprised him, had it not been a lot brighter than it usually was when on sleep mode. It was flashing blue for some reason.

He sat up slowly, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "What the fuck is that?"

He got up, and slowly walked over to his computer, rubbing his eyes. The screen was still flashing a bright, blue color. "What's with this flashing? It's never done this before!" He looked around the back. "Something wrong on with the circuits?"

All of a sudden, the vents on the machine came with a small burst of air, blowing open the manga book on his desk. He didn't notice the book, though, keeping his attention on the machine in front of him.

"Shit. I'm just gonna unplug the damn thing." He reached down to switch off the power strip, when the computer stopped flashing. He noticed, and stood back up, looking at the screen. Now, it had gone to a bright white.

"What now?"

Faster than he could fathom, the screen emitted an enormous amount of light, so much that it completely enveloped the room. Max threw up his hands, shielding his eyes.

"What the hell's going-!"

That was as far as he got before he was taken from his room by an unseen force. After a few more seconds, the light finally subsided. When it did, Max was nowhere to be found. His computer finally shut off, and the manga book fell closed.

* * *

Max slowly regained consciousness, feeling like he was enveloped by something. He couldn't move at first, but later moved his head around. When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing but a bright light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. He tried to figure out what was happening, when, suddenly, he realized he couldn't breathe.

Scared out of his mind, he did the only thing he could do: he ran into the light. Maybe he was dead, and needed to pass into the light. Or, maybe he was still alive, and heading back to life. Whichever, he knew he needed to reach the light soon, or he was gonna suffocate.

As he got closer to the light, he felt things change, both about him, and around him. He felt himself getting bigger and heavier, and the area around him was much harder to move in, as though he were underwater. Still, he kept moving.

He felt something else happen to him as he ran: his face had gotten itchier, as if he were pressed against a fur coat or something. Or, rather, as if he was the fur coat! He had fur on his face! He pushed the thought aside, feeling as though he was about to burst.

When he was right before the light, he felt the ground disappear, leaving him floating in the air. Or was it water? It sure felt like he was floating in water. He shut his eyes as he ran into the bright light.

He breathed in deeply as he burst through the surface of the light, finally tasting sweet air. He leapt into the air, going rather high, landing on a something thin. He opened his eyes, and gasped at what he saw.

In front of him, not twenty feet away, was a tall, black-haired teenager in a martial arts gi. His hair was tied back into a pigtail, and he stood on a tall bamboo pole. The teenager stared, open-mouthed, at Max.

Max just stared as well. _Who the hell is that? Wait a minute…where am I?_

He looked around, taking in the scenery. It was a place made up of hundreds of small springs, all with tall bamboo poles dug into them. The land was surrounded by mountains.

Something clicked in Max's mind. The land _did_ look familiar. _That means…_ He looked down at himself.

He saw the large, black-and-white body of a panda bear. He then looked back to the shocked teenager in front of him, who was now talking to someone on the ground.

_You! You did this to me! You're gonna bleed, punk!_

He leapt towards the teen, who was still too shocked to move. Max knocked him off his pole, and sent him flying into one of the springs. Another man ran up to the spring.

"Ahh! You fall in Nyannichuan! That spring hold tragic legend, very tragic legend indeed, of girl who drown in spring one thousand five hundred year ago! Now, whoever fall in that spring…take body of young girl!"

The teen emerged, though this time, he looked different. He felt something weird on his chest, and opened his gi…only to find a pair of breasts.

"Eeeeyaaahhh!"

"You see what I mean?"

All this came running at Max light a freight train. It all rang an enormous bell in his brain. He could only ask himself…why was he in the manga of _Ranma ½_? And _why_ was he in the body of Genma?

All this was immediately pushed aside when he noticed that the boy-turned girl was now looking at him with utmost dread, and was running after him. Not seeing any other option, Max ran in the opposite direction.

_My house has no AC, my computer may be busted, and now, I'm in the body of a panda, being chased by an aqua-transsexual punk._ He sighed as he ran. _Looks like it's gonna be one hell of week…_

* * *

And so ends chapter one of our crazy adventure. Chapter two will be up soon enough. Please review, and tell me what you think.

There are some things I'd like to say: this fic is for all you Genma-bashers out there; those of you who pointlessly waste your time hating a fictional character who just so happens to be one of the funniest characters in the series; for all those who write serious-themed crap to bash characters like Genma and Akane, and shamelessly promote idiots like Ranma. **You know who you are!**

For the record: yes, I like Ranma, but he's not my favorite; plus, I don't think he's untouchable. Don't worry: this won't be a Ranma-bashing fest (though, don't expect any mercy for Nabiki), but he won't get the God-like treatment he gets in other fics.

Please, don't waste your time bashing fictional characters. Go read the manga, or watch a movie like 300 or _Grindhouse_ or a series like Bebop or Outlaw Star instead (that's what _I _do); you'll feel better!

My favorite characters are as follows (I'm abstaining from thinking about couples):  
**Favorites:** Ukyo, Ryoga, Genma, Happosai (recent addition!)  
**Least Favorite:** Nabiki, Shampoo, Nodoka, Picolet, Cologne


	2. Fine Place This Is

Okay, thanks to all of those who read and reviewed my first chapter. I hope you like it so far. Here's chapter 2.

**Chapter 2**

Max ran through the Chinese jungle as fast as his newly acquired panda legs could carry him. He heard Ranma-chan running close behind him, screaming threats and insults all the way.

_Dumb kid! _He _cursed me first! Wait a second…do I even know where this chase ends? Wait, how do I even know of this chase?_

* * *

Ranma-chan fumed as she chased her father. That stupid old man had dragged him to this training ground without even warning him about that stupid secret! And now, he was a _girl_! The humiliation was just too much… he would get that old man back! Now, if only he could catch the old geezer…

* * *

Max kept thinking back to the manga. Where had he seen this chase before? It wasn't in the first part of the series, when Ranma and Genma arrived at the dojo…where had he seen it? 

_When was the next time they had a flashback about Jusenkyo? Wait, it was when Ryoga was telling Ranma about how he got turned into…oh, shit!_

As fast as the realization hit him, he reached into nowhere in particular, and pulled out a trademark Wile E. Coyote sign- _How the hell did I do that?_ – complete with a warning written on it.

_Should be any moment now…_

Then, he saw it: the cliff at the end of the forest, where another young teen was standing, looking out into the distance. The same bandanna-wearing teen with no sense of direction. The boy turned to see Max just in time, and Max raised the sign.

* * *

Ryoga was mad. Just plain MAD. He had been wandering through the wilderness of China for over a month now, and he still hadn't been able to find Ranma! That cheater had run out on their fight, and run off to China! Ryoga would get him back, that's for sure…now if he could only _find_ the jerk… 

All of a sudden, Ryoga heard something rumbling and crashing through the woods behind him. He turned to face the danger. It was a panda, and it was holding a sign:

**(Look out for the one behind me!)**

"What the…Hey!"

He leapt into the air to avoid the rampaging animal, then remembered the sign it was holding. He looked into the woods again.

"Get back here, Oyaji!"

He noticed the girl running out of the woods as well. He turned in mid-air to avoid the girl, and landed back on the ground, watching the two run off into the mountain range.

"Really…they nearly knocked me off the cliff! Well, at least that panda tried to warn me. Now…where could Ranma be? I have to find him!"

He strode off in the direction his senses told him to go…and fell off the cliff, towards the springs.

* * *

Max watched in bewilderment as Ryoga fell into the springs of his own accord. He really couldn't believe it. _Oh, well…at least it wasn't my fault._ He continued running through the mountains, trying to get away from the punk who was threatening to kill him. 

The chase finally ended half an hour later, when Max darted into a nearby cave, and managed to lose the kid. After he made sure the punk was gone, he left the cave, and headed back in the direction he had come from, trying to find his way back to the springs. All the while, his mind was racing.

_How the hell did this happen? Did it have something to do with how my computer was acting? I guess that was it, but it still doesn't explain why I'm…well, that manga book was nearby, but how does that even happen?_ He sighed in defeat of his thoughts. _Fuck it, there's no real explanation for this. Guess I'll have to deal with what I've got._

He looked down at himself again, and sighed angrily. _I guess that means I'll have to find some hot water…._

And find it he did. He eventually made his way back to the springs, where the Guide was waiting for him.

"Oh, hello sir. Where your daughter- er, son?"

Max held up another sign, which said **(Lost)**.

"Oh. Okay then, you must come in and bathe up, sir. It change you back to human form…er, temporarily, that is."

Max was about to follow, when another thought came to his head. He tapped the Guide on the shoulder, and held up another sign.

**(What about the Spring-of-Drowned-Man?)**

The Guide put his hand behind his head, and started to sweat. "Well, there problem with that right now, sir. Nannichaun is currently…how say this…dried up?"

Max's eyes went wide for a moment. Then, he just resigned to his so-called fate. _So, _that's _why they didn't cure themselves immediately afterwards. And I thought they were just stupid…_

After finally settling himself in the bath, Max felt the change occur. It was weird, but not as much as he had expected it to be. More like a small "poof!" with a small feeling of bodily change. Nothing huge.

When he looked at himself now, he didn't seem much better. _Damn. You'd think a martial artist would keep in better shape…or does he just have bad metabolism? I don't know, he eats a lot…but so does his son. Well, Ranma's usually out doing random shit…oh, who cares? I'll get this body into shape myself._

As he sunk down deeper into the bath, his mind drifted to yet another place on his body. _Of course. He's bald, too._ He took off the bandana, and rubbed his head. _How old is this guy? 42? 45? Definitely no older than 45. How the hell did he lose all his hair so fast?_

He eventually got over such thoughts, and resumed relaxing. That's when he heard aggressive footsteps approaching. Soon enough, a dirt-stained gi-clad aqua-transsexual teen burst through the door to the bathing room.

"All right, oyaji! You're in deep-"

The girl stopped when she saw her father clearly.

"Hey! How did you change back?"

Max scoffed. "What, the guide didn't tell you?"

Ranma-chan looked away, and dug her foot into the ground. "Well, I think he was trying to tell me something…but I was in such a hurry to get in here that I didn't listen."

Max rolled his eyes. _Moron_, he thought.

"Well, anyway, how _did_ you change back?"

"It's easy, son. Just get in."

"What, the bath?"

"The guide told me all about it. Hot water reverses the curse." In truth, the guide had not told him the whole story. But he knew already, and didn't think feigning ignorance would help.

"Sweet!" she yelled. And with that, she tore off her gi. She was about to jump in, when she stopped, and looked down at herself. Her eyes stayed on her new body for a few seconds.

Max got a bit annoyed. "Hey, what are you doing? Is having a girl's body _that_ disturbing?" He realized how stupid his question must've sounded a second later.

"Yeah, it does! Man, I can't even describe it!" She then stepped into the bath, reverting back to his normal form.

"Ahh, that's better! I'm just glad this isn't permanent! I guess all is forgiven, pops."

Max started to sweat. "Uhh, about that."

"What?"

"Well…it kind of _is_ permanent. In a way."

Ranma got a look in his eyes that was both angry and disturbed. "What do you mean?"

"As I was saying earlier, the guide filled me in. Cold water triggers the curses that we got. In other words, if either you or I get wet, we'll become a girl or a panda. Hot water will revert us back to our normal forms."

Ranma stood in his place, open-mouthed. "Are you serious?"

"Sorry, but that's how it is. And we can't get cured at the moment, unfortunately."

"Wait a minute, there's a cure for this curse? Where?"

Max sighed. "Use your head, boy! If there's a spring that will change someone into a girl, there's obviously one that will change someone into a man! There happens to be a spring like that outside. But, unfortunately, it's dried up at the time being."

Ranma, who had perked up at the sound of a Drowned-Man spring, drooped his head in disappointment. "When does it come back?"

"The guide said it wouldn't be back for at least six months."

"_Six months_?"

"Yes. And we haven't got six months to spend around here."

"Wait a minute! Are you saying we have to go back? I'm not going back home until I've gotten my curse cured!"

"Look, we don't have the time!" Max was trying to think of a way he could prolong the curses. He had plans to keep the manga storyline going as long as he could. After all, it just wouldn't be fun if they cured their curses right away! "I've got a promise to keep! We have to go back and meet up with a friend of mine! He's expecting us, and, if we don't show up, he'll think I lied to him!" He moved in closer to the teen in front of him. "Listen: we can go back to keep this appointment. We'll eventually find time to come back here and get rid of these damn curses. But, until then, we have to live with them! Understand?"

Ranma looked like he was going to clobber his father. Max noticed this, and repeated himself, using the same kind of ferocity that made the likes of Robert De Niro and Dennis Hopper famous. "I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!"

Ranma backed away in shock. His father had never been forceful like that, at least not recently. He could usually pound his father into doing anything he wanted. But right now, the old man looked pissed. And he wasn't about the change his mind, even if his own son was going to fight him. He sighed in defeat.

"Fine," he said, "we'll go."

Max breathed a sigh of relief, happy he didn't have to continue. "I don't like it any better than you do, boy. But I can't go back on this promise. And besides, how bad can it be? At least you remain a _human_ when you get splashed. You have no idea how weird it feels to be in the body of an animal like this."

Ranma scoffed at his father. "Oh, you think I can live with this? Why the hell did you drag me to a place like this anyway?"

"Hey, I didn't hear you complaining before we got here! You _liked_ the idea of going to the most dangerous place around! And besides, just because I can't read Chinese, that doesn't mean you would've taken us anywhere better. You can't read a word of it, either!"

"Yeah, whatever." Ranma leaned back in the tub, resting his head in his hands. After a few seconds, he sat up.

"Hey, why do we have to go visit this friend of yours?"

Max was about to explain, when he stopped himself. Now wasn't the time.

"I'll tell you later. For now, let's just focus on getting back to the coast. We need to find out how we can hitch a ride back home."

"We're not gonna swim back?"

"Not like this, we're not. Are you complaining?"

Ranma opened his mouth in surprise, taken aback. "No, of course not! Geez, I'm just a bit surprised."

Max sighed. He was a bit irritated with the kid in front of him, but knew he had more things to worry about. A _lot_ lay ahead, even before they were to go back to Japan. He started memorizing everything he had read so far in the manga, and tried to figure out what they had to do. Firstly, there were the Amazons…he guessed he could just let that happen. It would make things more fun to see that Shampoo chick chasing Ranma. Plus, it would bring that Chinese restaurant by. That was never a bad thing. Then, there were a few other things he wanted to do. He wasn't going to go into Nerima poorly prepared. When he got there, nothing would get in his way.

* * *

Well, there's chapter 2. Hope you're still enjoying it. Read all you want, and review all you can. It will only make things better. 

Also, I got some interesting feedback on my opinions on the characters, notably on Genma. Well, weebee (and others), let me put it this way: all those writers who write those serious stories just to bash characters (I'm not talking about you) take Ranma ½ _way_ too seriously. People like the infamous Philip Mak, for instance, who seems to have devoted his life to proving that Ranma would never have a happy life with Akane, even though Takahashi has said that it would end that way. Several writers write as though Genma or Akane were real people. _Those_ are the stories I can't stand. It's not fun at all when you're reading something so ridiculously serious when the comic it's based on is nothing but a screwball farce.

Besides, how angry can you get at a person who's not real? For me, trying to dislike Genma is like trying to dislike Homer Simpson (they aren't too different from each other): I'm laughing too much to care. Plus, we all know there's a much more dislikable adult in Ranma ½ than Genma (Principal Kuno, anyone?) Anyway, I could go on forever about things like this; but I won't, because I don't want to waste the time of you readers. I'm just glad that you're all reading my story. Thanks a lot for the feedback, and Happy trails.


	3. Lock, Stock, and Two Problems Solved

Wow. 11 reviews in only 2 chapters. This fic is more successful than I thought it would be. I thank all of you for reading and reviewing my story. Now, I'm going to answer the request of one reviewer, and make this chapter a lot longer. This will also be the last chapter before our heroes head to the Tendo Dojo. That means there's a lot to cover. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3**

Over the next couple of weeks, Max and Ranma traveled through the Bayankala mountain range. And, during those two weeks, Max made good time on his workout. Ever since he had been knocked into the cartoon (he knew it was the anime style of _Ranma ½ _that he was in; although he had never seen an episode, he had seen screen shots, and knew that Ranma-chan had red hair), he'd gained a small knowledge of martial arts basics. Although he'd had his share of practice in aikido back home, new things had come to him in his new body; must've been left over from the old man's mind. And, with that knowledge, plus his own workout skills, Max worked out non-stop. Running as much as possible, lifting the heaviest objects around, sit-ups and push-ups every morning, etc. By the end of the second week, Max had gotten Genma's body into great shape. He wasn't chiseled like a European body builder, but he was a lot better looking.

Ranma noticed the sudden change in his father's behavior. Usually, the old fart just sat around all day. When they traveled, he walked pretty slowly, and Ranma had always kept at that pace to make things easier. It never bothered him, though, that his father was in worse shape than him.

Now, things were different. He couldn't say he was in much better shape than his father. There went some of his pride (take _that_, you egotistical son of a bitch!), and, with it, some of his happiness. However, he still clung to the fact that he had a better-looking face than his old man, and he wasn't bald either.

One day, Max sat alone on a mountain edge, his back to a tree trunk. A few hours earlier, he and Ranma had sparred. Max, taking advantage of the Cartoon Rule of Creativity™, was able to match Ranma in moves, and almost beat him. They had stopped before things got interesting, though. Ranma, in girl-form, had left to find some food without telling Max, since Max had eaten their last ration.

That was where we left Max. As he sat on the small cliff, looking out onto the landscape, he pondered what to do next.

_I know what I gotta do before we get to that village_, he thought, chuckling, thinking of his plan. _THAT_ _will give those Amazons a pretty good scare; not to mention Ranma_. _Still, I feel like there's something missing…_

He kept thinking about what he might have forgotten. What else had happened in China that he could benefit from? There was at LEAST one more thing…

_Let's see- I've gotten into shape; I've already got our trip planned; I know what I'll do about teaching him those techniques; what else is there? Hmm…I guess one thing I'd change about me is the baldness…but how exactly can I-_ GASP!

His head flew up in shock and realization. He slammed his right fist in his left hand.

_Of Course. How the hell could I have forgotten?_

And, with that, he took off in the direction Ranma had left in.

* * *

"Ohh…so hungry…"

The growl from her stomach, plus the sweat-stained gi that clung to her skin, all made things worse for Ranma-chan as she slowly trekked through the mountains. Maybe it wasn't a good thing she had ditched Pop to look for some food. She had wanted a meal to herself for once, but still…

"Stop, thief!"

Suddenly, Ranma-chan whipped her head around to see a most unusual sight. A man in black clothes was running towards her, carrying a large bowl of porridge, eating it as he ran. Another man, clearly the rightful owner of the aforementioned porridge, was chasing him.

"Stop! That rice porridge is-"

"Mine! All mine! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Ranma-chan smiled to herself. This was a good opportunity- since the food had already been stolen, it wouldn't be wrong of her to take it from the thief and eat it herself. Plus, Pops was nowhere to be found.

The man was getting closer. One good kick, and the food would be hers.

That was when a small boulder collided with her, sending her rolling out of the path of the chase. She hit the ground with a hard thud. When she got up, rubbing her head, she looked up to see something that really ticked her off: Pops had appeared out of nowhere, kicked the porridge thief away, and had gulped down the food himself.

Mad as hell, the teenage martial artist lunged at her father. "Dammit, Pops! Do you have to steal every bit of food that comes my way?"

Max responded by throwing the bowl down, catching the girl, and slamming her to the ground. He wiped his mouth as he spoke.

"Now, now, I think you can be a _bit_ more grateful than that. You had no idea what you were about to eat."

Ranma-chan just looked mad and confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Max got off of her, and pointed behind the girl. "Why don't you ask him?"

She turned around to see the other man running up to them. He caught up, gasping for breath. "Sir…do you have any idea what you've just eaten?"

"I do. Why do you think I ate it?"

"What are you talking about, Pops? You stole it from ME!"

The man looked at Ranma-chan, then back to Max. "That's true, sir. You didn't have to steal it from your daughter. It wouldn't have had any effect-"

"That's what you think. C'mon, let's go inside, and explain this whole thing."

"Huh?" Ranma-chan just looked at the two men, confused as ever.

* * *

Inside the man's cottage, as Ranma chowed down on a huge bowl of ramen, he explained the whole story about the Dragon's Whisker. After he had finished, Max picked up the nearby kettle, and doused Ranma with it. Ranma, too shocked by the story to move or avoid the boiling water, reverted back to his normal form. When the man saw the change, he gasped in shock again.

"O-ho! So you ARE a man! Well, now we all know why your father ate that porridge for you! You really SHOULD be grateful!"

Ranma looked up at his father. "So that's it? You weren't being your usual glutton self? You wanted to prevent me from losing my hair?"

Max smiled, looking the other way. "Well, it didn't hurt that this will quickly restore my hair growth, but, yeah, pretty much. You still get enough to eat, anyway."

"How the hell did you know where I was?"

"Nothing. Just a hunch. Plus, I remembered something I read in one of those guide books with a Japanese translation. Something about the Dragon's Whisker, and where it might be…random shit."

At that moment, Max felt something growing on his bald head. He reached up to feel it.

"Yes! It's growing! Hallelujah, I'm back, baby!" He walked outside the hut, happily humming to himself. Ranma just looked on, another piece of his pride gone, ripped away. Still, he couldn't feel but a bit lucky that _he_ hadn't eaten it…

* * *

Two days later, Max's hair had grown out fully. With a little work, he soon had the kind of look he wanted: long, shaggy black hair that didn't pass the back of his neck, but still looked pretty swell. Along with his newly-formed body, and the rugged ugly/cool face, he looked just like an Asian Harvey Keitel. Yep, things were sweet.

But they weren't sweet enough just yet. Unless he was mistaken, they would be reaching the Amazon village very soon now; the Jusenkyo Guide had been traveling with them for a while, and Max knew it was coming soon. He had to act fast.

During their next stop, Max asked the guide where the nearest town was. After finding out, he walked ten miles to a medium sized town, where there was sure to be some black market connections: most likely the Russian Mafia.

* * *

He walked up to a building that was unmistakable: a sign out front had a neon light in a strange insignia: a huge skull, placed in front of a hammer-and-sickle combination: the sign of the Russian Mafia. They always hung around China, for different reasons: opium dealing, easy labor for weapon-making, lots of space for unnoticed business, etc. He walked up to the door, where a hired goon was waiting.

"You want something, sir?"

"Yeah," Max answered. "I need some things. I'm wondering if I can get 'em here."

The guard nodded. "Maybe you can. Can you pay for 'em?"

"Of course."

"Okay, wait a minute." He stepped inside, talking to someone in Russian. A few seconds later, he stepped back outside. "Sergei will see you in five minutes. Until then, wait."

Five minutes later, Max was led inside, down a hall, into a room with a bar, and a huge desk where a man sat. His right hand man, who had a huge, smooth goatee, stood next to him. The man, Sergei Voronov, welcomed the newcomer with enthusiasm.

"Hello, hello! I understand you are looking for some merchandise! Maybe even a little work, am I right?"

Max walked over to a chair in front of the desk, and sat down. "Yes."

"Wonderful! I have work for you, in case you don't have money! There are always problems with those lousy Chinese opium dealers. They ruin our business with their knowledge of the land and their national connections! We need to infiltrate their business! One way to do this is to have some of their vehicles. Now, listen up: there's a small dealer on the other side of the mountain chain to the west of this city. Not much security. If you can bring me one of their trucks, I'll pay you handsomely, in cash _and_ in hardware! Do you accept?"

Thinking everything over within two seconds, Max nodded.

"That's great! Josef (_Yo_-sef) will fill you in on all the details. I'll see you when you get back with the truck."

With that, Max got up, and went to Josef for the instructions.

* * *

"Dammit! Where could Pops have gone NOW?"

Ranma was pretty mad lately. His father had gotten pretty strange since the incident at the springs. Not only had he gotten the guts to get into shape and actually practice martial arts, but he seemed to have gotten very autonomous in what he did. Plus, he seemed to be getting a lot more crazy ideas. On this particular occasion, he knew no more than the Guide knew: that he had gone to the nearest town for unknown reasons.

The old man seemed to know all the things that laid ahead for them; he had always been prepared for everything. That incident with the Dragon's Whisker had really shocked Ranma. His personality had undergone change as well. He never said anything stupid now, never talked about the 'path of the martial artist', or tried to make excuse for doing things cheap. He just acted like a normal person. And it was making Ranma feel a bit disturbed.

Now, he just wanted to find out what the old man was up to. It couldn't be anything good. Or, could it…

Ranma sighed angrily, and went back to practicing his moves. It would be a while before Pops returned.

* * *

It had taken about forty-five minutes to reach the other side of the mountain range on the west side of town. Once he was there, however, Max saw what he came for: hidden within a small forest was a small crop of opium poppies, and a small opium manufacturing plant at the foot of it. Sure enough, there was a small docking shack, where a few trucks were parked. They had the distinctive look that would allow the driver to infiltrate any of their camps- hence the Russians need for them.

Carrying the only thing he needed, Max circumnavigated the field, ducking low to avoid being seen. For some dumb reason, there weren't many guards or lookouts around the place. No problem; that made things a lot easier. When he finally made it around the field, he was fifty feet away from the garage, he scoped the area: only a couple of guards, armed with Kalashnikov rifles. Nothing he wouldn't be able to handle.

He picked up the thermos he had been carrying, and splashed its contents over his head. His transformation took place, and he grew in size. His form would serve him well.

Ever since he had gotten into shape, his panda body had changed as well. It had gone from the plush, giant-stuffed-animal look to a strong, fearsome animal with huge, sharp teeth, and long, steely claws. In other words, his panda form had gotten much better and stronger. He could scare the hell out of any passer-by he saw on the road when they were traveling.

He threw down the thermos, and scoped the area out one last time. The coast was clear. He checked for the other thermos he had on him- one with hot water- and turned back to the building.

With one giant bound, he leapt from the shrubbery, scaring the shit out of the guards surrounding the place. There were four of them,; two immediately backed away, aiming their rifles, but not firing, out of fear. One just ran away.

The fourth, however, was standing right where Max intended to land. He clutched his rifle, but, like his comrades, was too scared to fire. Pandas weren't supposed to be aggressive. Plus, they were an endangered species. How could he shoot such a thing. He began to scream as he saw the enormous panda flying towards him.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

The man's scream was finally silenced with a sickening squash, as Max crushed him under his huge figure. He then turned to the other guards, and pelted them with some baseball-sized stones he had picked up. They were knocked to the ground, dropping their rifles. The two who were still conscious got up, and ran like hell.

_Piece o' cake_, Max thought. He then walked over to the nearest truck, only to find someone already in the drivers' seat. And he wasn't alone; there was a rather attractive woman with him in the scantily clad, and they were pretty busy. The man turned from the girl to his window, coming face-to-face with a vicious-looking face of a panda, teeth bared. He screamed as Max opened the door, grabbed the man, and flung him out of the garage. The woman was thrown out as well, screaming her lungs out. As they ran off, Max held up a sign. **(Hey, pal, you forgot to zip up your fly! Ha ha ha!)**

With that, he grabbed the thermos of hot water, and splashed himself. He went around to the back to check what was in the load. There was just a small load of weapons and opium. But he also noticed another small box that was partially open. In the small crack of an opening, he saw something of a deep gold color.

He picked up the box, and ripped it open. "What the hell?" His jaw dropped. Inside was something that looked like a golden monkey idol. Just like the one from the beginning of _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. Only it was encrusted with diamonds, also. _Lots_ of diamonds. He picked it up, and inspected it.

"What the hell are Chinese opium dealers doing with a damn Brazilian monkey idol?" He wondered if it was something the Russians were after. _Probably not. They didn't say anything about stuff inside the truck. Hmm…maybe I'll use this when we get to Japan…get on the Tendos' good side. That twat Nabiki would probably go for this…man, the possibilities are endless._

With that, he stuffed the idol into his gi, got into the truck, and drove off. Within fifteen minutes, he was in the designated parking garage the Mafia had set up for him. He got out, and walked up to the main building, where the goons opened the doors for him, leading him to Sergei.

"Hey, look who it is! My new worker! Come, sit down! Have a drink, this is some _very_ good vodka, from the hearts of St. Petersburg."

Max took the drink, and listened to the man rant on.

"That was a very nice vehicle you brought us. For that alone, we'll pay you ten thousand dollars! Oh, and Josef tells me you're Japanese! That makes it…how much again, Josef?"

The man whispered in his bosses' ear, and Sergei came right back. "Oh, yes! One million yen! That should be nice for you when you get back home! Maybe we can do business again, no?"

Max smiled. "Sure, maybe some other time. But I got an appointment to keep. So, I need some hardware."

"Oh, of course, of course! Josef, take him back to the cache!" He turned back to Max. "Don't worry about it, this bunch is on me! Happy shopping, Mr.…"

Max stopped in front of the desk. "Just call me 'Max'; my real name would be a bit confusing for you."

"I see! Well, so long, Max! I hope we'll be working together again!"

When all was said and done, Max walked through another door, escorted by Josef and another goon. When they reached the end of the hall, they entered a large, warehouse-style room, filled to the brim with weapons and hardware. There were no limits: crates of pistols, submachine guns, shotguns, rifles, full-blast machine guns, recoilless rifles, RPGs, tons of different kinds of explosives, and much more.

Josef stopped at a small desk with a lamp. Max approached the desk, still looking around the room.

"All right then; what exactly do we need here?"

Max returned his attention to the man in front of him. "Okay; I need a few basic items first. A couple of pistols; 9mm Berettas would be best. 15-round mags."

"Right." Josef motioned to the goon, and he went back to get the hardware. He placed two Berettas on the desk: one black, one nickel-plated.

"I'll need something heavier as well, but still light. An Uzi 9mm, long."

It was gotten as well.

"A Remington 870 shotgun, 12-guage; pump-action, pistol grip, folding stock, 10-round capacity."

The hired goon brought the weapon to the desk.

"Let's see…a few M-67 frag grenades, maybe twelve…oh, and a couple pounds of C-4, with detonators."

All this, plus the ammunition for the firearms, was retrieved from their respective containers. When Josef asked if there was any more, Max shook his head. Everything was wrapped up or thrown in bags, and given to Max. Josef then handed Max another bag, which contained the 10,000 dollars. Max gathered up all his purchases and the cash, and walked out the door, heading back to his campsite. As he carried his weapons and money, he couldn't help but smile to himself. Everything was going as planned. The Amazons were going to get the surprise of a lifetime.

"Suh-weet."

* * *

The next day, the trio resumed their journey. The Guide continued to lead them through the mountain range, getting them close to the Joketsuzoku village. Max, in an effort to keep a low profile, hid the guns, the money, and the idol inside his huge backpack, and the pockets in his gi.

Ranma, of course, was still very confused at his father's recent behavior. He didn't ask any questions, though, deciding that it would be better not to know. His father really had become easier to live with; not just because he hadn't stolen his food lately, but because he had become a better fighter, and, therefore, a much better person to spar with. Plus, the old man seemed to have gotten a lot smarter since he had fallen into that spring. He never took them in the wrong direction, never made a bad decision when it came to finding food, and always seemed to know what trouble was going to happen, if any. May now the old man could teach his son some _useful_ techniques.

Luckily, Max did intend to introduce to Ranma a few of the techniques that he had seen in the manga, as well as several techniques he'd seen in other series as well. During his time reading and watching with his friends, he'd grown partial to a few styles he'd seen: one was virtually any technique that involved pressure points, shiatsu, or anything affecting the body from the inside through exterior strikes. Even though they seemed simple enough on paper or the screen, they were hard enough to develop. Still, this was in contrast to the real world, where such techniques were all but impossible, so, with practice, he was able to master a number of moves that he could use to disable opponents. He soon began to share some of them with Ranma, who was all the more confused as to how his father learned them in the first place.

After a couple weeks of traveling and training, Max finally found out how to harness chi. While he couldn't form a full blast of air just yet, he was starting to learn how to use it in hiding his presence, as well as feeling the aura of all those within his presence. This opened up a whole new field of possibilities from which to work.

And he didn't stop with just martial arts moves; he also made the effort to further develop his skills in firearms and explosives. Being a hunter and camper back home, with a penchant for engineering, he purchased a few older manuals from the Soviet-Bloc era from a shop in a passing town, and set to work on ideas. One day, he even stopped to run an opium truck being driven by gangsters off the road, scaring away the thugs. When he was done, he took all their leftover ammunition and explosives, and packed them away. Ammo and explosives were not cheap.

Finally, the day came. Max could tell, because they had gotten caught in a rainstorm the day before, and had no means to get hot water anywhere. Plus, they had run short of food a day earlier, and had not eaten since then. The timing was just right.

And, sure enough, they came across a few crops, with various farm animals, mostly chickens, scattered around the area. There were a few people as well, dressed in casual Chinese clothing.

"I'm sooo hungry…" Ranma groaned. His stomach, however, drowned out most of the sound of his talking. Max, even though he was a panda, was also desperately famished. He was in no mood for the likes of bamboo anymore. The stuff was just too damned bland.

"Mr. Customers: this place we come to now is village of Amazons!"

As they walked, Max briefly heard the sounds of cheers, and metal clanging on metal.

"Amazons? Whozat?" Ranma asked in a slurred voice, thinking more of his stomach.

"These people here! The women here very strong!"

"Huh?"

"They show their skill now!"

Then turned another corner around a house, and they saw it: a large crowd of women in various Chinese outfits, all of them looking rather fit, surrounded a large tree trunk that was held up by ropes connected to other poles. On the trunk, two people were fighting it out. One was large and bulky, and was attacking her opponent with a long, stretched-out mace. Her opponent looked much younger, had long, purple hair that was tied into a rather strange hairdo, and was considerably better looking, maybe even attractive. She fought back with a pair of bonbori. Both seemed to have no trouble staying on the trunk, leaping up to avoid a blow, then landing right back on it.

Max watched the scene with interest, just as Shampoo knocked the other woman into the stratosphere. Now was the time to get prepared. He turned to talk to Ranma…only to see that he had already reached the table where the prize feast was kept, and was already munching away on some pork buns. Max sighed. _Man, and I thought this old guy was supposed to be a glutton._ He then went over to eat his fill as well. _He_ wouldn't be the one paying for the whole incident.

Sure enough, it happened. The Guide turned to them, a confused and worried look on his face.

"Mr. Customers? What you eat here?"

Before Ranma could answer, she leapt up into the air, avoiding the bonbori that slammed down in her direction. As she sat on it, she looked up to see the angry face of the Amazon girl who had just won the last fight. Everyone in the crowd looked on in shock.

The girl yelled out something in angry Chinese. The Guide was quick to translate.

"'You there! Woman and Panda! Why do you steal my prize?', she say."

"Prize?" Ranma-chan said, picking up the nearby sign that had fallen off the table.

While the Guide laid down the rest of the situation, Max slowly crept away. When he was behind one of the houses, he took out the thermos of hot water he had been keeping. Splashing himself, he gathered his pack, and extracted his weapons. He packed his pair of Berettas into his gi, as well as a few grenades. The Uzi went into his gi as well. Then, he took the shotgun, leaving it in its wrap. He carried it over his shoulder, and returned to the battle sight, just as Ranma-chan was knocking Shampoo off the trunk with one solid kick.

The crowd of Amazons gasped in shock as their champion went down at the hands of a foreigner. This was _not_ good for them. Shampoo, shocked out of her world, walked up to Ranma just as she was declared the winner. She moved in close, put her hand on Ranma's cheek, and delivered the kiss of death.

Just as the Guide screamed, and reached for Ranma's hand, Max stepped in front of him. He also had stepped between Ranma and Shampoo.

The girl looked up at Max, and inquired in Chinese.

The Guide worried as ever, replied "She ask, 'Who you?'"

"Pops, what're you doing?"

Max looked over to the guide. "Tell the punk what just happened."

The Guide gulped, his face sweaty as ever, and explained to Ranma about the kiss of death, and the Amazon laws. When he was done, Ranma stood in place, her eyes wide. She then attempted to run. Max, however, grabbed her by the collar.

"Not yet, boy. Sorry, girl." He then walked to the center of the ring, in front of the huge trunk, and spoke outwards to the crowd.

"I know what you're all thinking: how my daughter just defeated your champion, and how she is supposedly going to die at your champions' hands. Well, I just wanna say this: feel free to try, but don't get your hopes up."

After a long pause, with no reaction from the Amazons, the Guide piped up, and translated to the crowd. When they heard Max's speech in their own language, they broke into uproarious laughter.

The crowd opened up to make way for someone. A woman, about six feet tall, and pretty muscle bound, walked out of the crowd. She carried a long, sharp Chinese sword. As she walked closer, Max ripped the paper off his weapon. She pointed her sword at Max, and said something in Chinese.

"She say, 'you is foolish man! You is one who will lose. Prepare to die!'"

She walked closer, stopping ten feet from Max, and held out her sword in a dueling fashion.

**BOOM!**

The loud crack of gunfire thundered through the air, scaring the daylights out of several Amazons. When the woman raised up her sword after getting back up, she saw that it had been cut down, reduced to almost nothing. She looked at her opponent in shock.

Max brought the barrel up to his mouth, and blew away the smoke. He then grasped the action with his right hand, and slammed the gun down in his grip, expelling an empty cartridge from the smoking chamber, and pumping in another round. He then raised the Remington into the air, for all to see.

"All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up!" He walked closer to the crowd. "You see this? This…is my BOOMSTICK™! A 12-guage pump-action Remington 870! Pistol grip, folding stock, 10-round capacity, wide ejection port, surprisingly little recoil, and plenty of power to blow people's heads off! All nicely provided by the Black Market! That's right! Shop the 'Merchant of Menace™'! You got that?"

At this, the Amazons continued to stare. After a few seconds, however, they started to talk amongst themselves. A bewildered Ranma appeared at Max's side.

"What the hell are you doing, Pops?" He then eyed the shotgun in Max's hand. "Where the hell did you get that thing?"

"I already said. Black market, Russian Mafia. They supply lots of stuff."

"Why did you buy it?"

"I felt like it. Now, move away, I think these broads mean business."

And they did. Just about every Amazon in the crowd had drawn a weapon of some sort. These ranged from swords, maces, and axes to bow and arrows, bonbori, and scythe blades. They all looked on with a murderous intent in their eyes.

Max smiled, and held up his 12-guage. Ranma looked from him to the Amazons, and back again.

"Pops, you're not thinking of-"

"You're damn right I am, boy. Now, go. And don't fight any more of the girls."

"Why not?"

"Trust me, okay? Just get out of here while I distract them. Go!"

Left with nothing else to do, Ranma shrugged, and took off. Shampoo, witnessing Ranma's attempt to escape, tried to follow.

"You I kill!"

She was stopped short by a shotgun round imbedding itself in the ground in front of her. She jumped, turned around, and eyed Max. Soon, he was surrounded by the whole attending tribe.

He just smiled slyly.

Max dove backwards, over the large trunk, and ran through the village. The attackers followed. When they sent waves of attackers after him, Max dove all over the place, pumping and firing for all he was worth. The first attacker came at him with an axe. He blasted the axe to smithereens, and kicked the woman away. Another girl jumped in from behind him, wielding a pair of swords. He blocked them off with his gun, and jabbed the butt of his gun into her stomach, then her face, before sending her flying backwards with a roundhouse kick. When one armed with a scythe leapt for him, blade aimed well, he fell back on his back, his legs scrunched. He caught her with his legs, then, smiling at her look of shock, kicked her into the air, sending her crashing onto one of the tiny grandstand structures they had lying around. When five girls lined up to pull some sort of Amazon trick attack on him, he leapt onto the huge trunk, blew away its supports, and sent it rolling after them. The girls ran, but could not outrun the huge log, and were crushed to the ground before getting up again, and resuming the fight.

Now was the time for the _real_ fun, he thought. Pulling out an M-67, he bit off the pin, flipped off the handle, and hurled it towards the nearest house. The house, of course, went sky high in a spectacular blaze of fire, as did the Amazons standing around it. Max, realizing he was out of ammo, he swung his 12-guage over his back, and pulled out his two pistols. He took another grenade, and, without removing the pin, tossed it towards a group of female warriors who were running towards him, weapons raised. While the grenade sailed through the air, he aimed and fired, blowing all the Amazons into the air with another monster explosion.

As he continued to move through the village, he came to a nearby road, and saw something that lit up his face with happiness: a truck carrying dozens of propane tanks. He immediately leapt onto the truck, forcing the driver to stop. He threw the driver out of the truck, and drove it into the village, where plenty of Amazons were still appearing out of nowhere, ready to fight. Max got out of the truck, and grabbed one of the propane tanks. He kicked it into the air, and it landed, rolling into the crowd. He dispatched it with a few rounds blazing from his Berettas, and sent dozens of Amazons flying through the air. He sent tanks hurling towards houses, and set them afire, one by one. One building after another went up in flames. One particular structure, a building that was built into the side of the mountain, and was held up by supports, was dispatched very nicely, with the remains falling on top of several warriors. He sent several more explosions their way before he decided to call it quits.

He leapt into the car, and, using a brick he picked up off the ground, held the gas pedal down, sending the truck rolling through the village. Amazons jumped out of the way to avoid it, and it crushed several houses and structures. Before it could go any further, however, Max took the final action. He aimed his black Beretta, and emptied his magazine into the truck. He gazed at the ensuing inferno with glee.

"Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers," he said with a smirk.

He turned and ran, heading to the rendezvous where Ranma and the guide were waiting for him. He listened happily to the explosion, the roar of fire, and the screams of several Amazons. Before he left, he stopped where an Amazon woman had fallen. With a dazed look in her eyes, she looked up at him. He smiled at her.

"I know what you're thinking. But forget it." He raised his left hand. "I'm already married. Plus, I'm already 45 years old. Too old for you. You're welcome to go after my daughter; in fact, I think I'd recommend it; but don't even try me. Peace out." He took off, leaving the Amazon girl speechless.

When he finally met up with the two, they just looked at him confusedly.

"What did you do back there, Pops?"

"Oh, nothing. Just gave them a fight they'll never forget. C'mon, let's go. We've got a ship to catch not far from here."

* * *

(Three days earlier, in New York)

A middle-aged Jewish man, about 60, was talking on the phone with a smile on his face.

"That's wonderful, Chow! You're sure it's the one?"

The man on the other end of the line, a Chinese guy, smiled. "Of course it is. It's the very same. Encrusted with a total of seventy-five carats."

"Great job!" the Jewish man replied. Just hold out there, buddy! Oh, and remember:" he held his breath for a second. "Don't get caught with your fly open, got that? In any way!"

"Yeah, I got it, Avi."

"I mean it, Chow! Stay away from the women for just a bit! You don't wanna get found out!"

"Hey, don't worry, buddy! These opium dealers are dumb as shit! Don't worry, Avi, I'll have that beauty waiting for you when you get here!"

"That's great, Chow. I'll see you there!" He hung up with glee.

"Beautiful. Absolutely fucking beautiful! Ha ha!"

He then looked at his colleagues. "50-carat solid gold. Encrusted with a total of seventy-five carats in diamonds."

"Where?" one of them asked.

"China."

"China?"

Avi smiled and repeated himself. "China."

His other colleague turned to him. "China?"

"Yes, China!" His smile disappeared. "You know, Pandas, bamboo, General Tso, the Great Wall, Jackie-fucking-Chan, China!" He finally stopped, and regained his composure. He also smiled again. "He'll have the idol ready for us. Chow's never failed me before." He sat back in his chair, and sighed. "Our fucking troubles are over, gentlemen."

* * *

There you have it. A long chapter, just like you wanted. Think I've gone a bit far? Well, don't worry. This fic will go far enough, but will be well-paced. The big action sequence came from my desire to know how Dan earned the nickname of "Captain Destructo" from the Amazons in _Insertion_. Anyway, read and review. Happy trails.


	4. Detour

Well, I'm back. Sorry for the delay. I moved back into college at the end of August. Plus, I had to update a few of my other stories. I hope you're all still reading.

First off, I'm still surprised at all the reviews I got. Twenty-four for only three chapters. Not bad. And I've got to answer some of the reviews. First, to some guy named Ryo: you took my words too seriously. And no, I have not read "Joy of Fatherhood". I don't read every fic on this site. Plus, I never said my fic was the first of its kind. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Second, I got a few questions from Maury V. I'm glad you recognized _Army of Darkness_, but are you serious about the "Yippee Ki-Yay" line? That's from _Die Hard_, and it's one of the most popular one-liners ever. See it ASAP. And yes, I've got plans for the Musk Dynasty and the Phoenix people. No, he won't be on their side. But don't worry, chaos will be rampant! Oh, and one more thing: the men in New York, at the end of the fic, are from the movie _Snatch_. If you haven't seen it, see that one as well. That is all. Read on.

**Chapter 4**

The freight cargo ship sailed slowly through the Sea of Japan. The sea was clear and calm, with no sign of unpleasant weather. This made the crew happy and, occasionally, lazy and inattentive.

And that was good for our well-doing protagonists. For, unbeknownst to the crew, a number of the boxcars had been shoved off the ship by a couple of stowaways just before shipping out. The open space served as the living and training space for a father-son team of martial artists, who were on their way back to the boot(the one pointing west) after shipping out from China a day earlier.

Max, of course, had come fully prepared. He'd looked into the schedule at the docks just before they reached the Amazon village, and, on his way out of the village, had snatched enough food to last them the trip home. Right now, he decided to use the free time they had to teach the kid a new trick or two.

The two were sparring with each other with boxcars on either side of them. Ranma was covered in sweat as he faced his father. Just when the hell had the old fart become so good? He couldn't beat him easily like he used to. Unlike he always did in the past, Genma never struck the first blow now, always leaving Ranma to move in. That, of course, left things entirely to Genma's advantage.

Ranma leapt at his father again, coming straight down with a kick. Of course, Max dodged the attack, rolled over onto his back, caught Ranma's neck in a leg-lock, and slammed him to the ground. With another leap, he was back on his feet. Ranma got up too, staring angrily at his father.

"Dammit, Oyaji!"

"What the hell're you so mad about?"

Ranma didn't even respond to the question, but charged again, using the new technique that his father had taught him earlier. One involving extremely fast movements of the hands.

The technique was called "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken", or "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". It was the first thing Max intended to teach Ranma, and he had everything prepared. Max had brought aboard some hot coals he had found, plus a bag of chestnuts.

Ranma just stared confusedly as Max lit the coals with a Zippo™. "I don't get it, Pops. How's this supposed to help me with my skill?"

"How the hell do you think, punk? The name of the game is speed." With the coals hot, and a full fire going, Max opened the bag of chestnuts. "And this technique is all about speed."

He pulled out a handful of chestnuts, and laid them onto the fire. "Now, watch this." He clapped his hands together, cracked his knuckles, and breathed in before unleashing his hands on the fire. His hands moved so fast that Ranma could barely make them out. After a few seconds, Max stopped, and held out his left hand. He held a handful of semi-charred chestnuts, black and smoking.

Ranma stood, dumbfounded. "That's amazing, Pops!" He knelt down to get a closer look at the fire. "How'd you move 'em so fast?"

"It ain't that hard" he said, gulping down the roasted nuts. "I was mastering these techniques while we were still in China. You should be able to get them as well."

"Is _that_ what you've been doing that whole time? Other than buying weapons from criminals?"

"Well, what were you doing with your time?"

"Looking for you!"

"In other words, you wasted your time. C'mon, you wanna learn this or not?"

Ranma groaned, and nodded. With that, Max pulled out another handful, and threw them onto the fire. Ranma clapped his hands together, and dove his hands into the fire.

His first few attempts didn't go too well. He still wasn't used to the heat, but he eventually got over it, using it to his advantage to increase his speed. On his fifth try, he managed to get all the nuts.

Max clapped sarcastically as Ranma held out the nuts triumphantly. "Wonderful. Now, onto the next test."

"What's that?"

Max pulled out a pistol ammo magazine, and emptied all fifteen rounds into his hand. He then put the empty mag down, and turned to Ranma.

"Watch closely right here."

He threw the bullets into the fire, and Ranma let out a small squeak of fear.

"What're you doin'?" he yelled, reaching for the fire. He was thrown backwards, however, and Max let loose his hands. Within a few seconds, he had gathered up all the bullets in his hand.

Ranma looked up to see the hand full of 9mm bullets. He looked from them to the fire, and back again. "What was that all about?"

"Advanced training. If you think grabbing chestnuts off a fire is dangerous, think about adding another danger. Here, if you're not quick, you can get your hands blown off. How does that sound for a challenge?"

Ranma sighed again. This kind of creativity just didn't seem like Pops. Well, now it didn't really matter. He nodded again, and Max threw the bullets onto the fire again.

Ranma moved fast, his hands jumping all over the place. He wasn't quick enough to get them all, however, and a few of the cartridges exploded, sending up sparks.

"Aaaahhh!" the teen yelled as he fell back, shielding his face with his hands. "Dammit!"

"Not quick enough. Looks like you'll have to try it again." He took out a few more rounds, and dumped them onto the fire.

Ranma gritted his teeth, and ignored his bleeding hands. If his own father could master this technique, so could he.

The second try had pretty much the same results. Ranma would gather up a few bullets in his hands, but would be just short of getting he last few before they went off right in his hands. Still, it was pretty tough considering the risks, not to mention that the fire made the metal on the cartridges _hot_. After a few more turns, Ranma's hands were covered with first-degree burns, and a few cuts from the explosions.

"You wanna try a bit harder this time? I don't have an unlimited supply of ammunition. It's not cheap, you know!"

"Will you shut up? I'm doing my best here!" He cracked his knuckles once again, this time letting out a little squeal of pain, and unleashed his hands on the fire once more as Max threw on the bullets.

Ranma's hands moved with grace, and, this time, he gathered them all without a single round exploding. He held the red-hot bullets in his hand with a triumphant grin, before dropping them to the ground in pain, and blowing cool air on his hand.

Max let the bullets sit a bit before returning them to the magazine, and sat back. "Your hands feeling okay?" he asked, chuckling.

"Shut up, old man" Ranma growled, bandaging his hands with the first-aid kit they had brought aboard.

Back in the present, Ranma charged at his father as he remembered the training. _Old man, that training hurt! Now, I'm gonna use it against you_! He attacked with his arms, making a flurry of blows at his father. Max deflected them all, however, and grabbed both attacking hands in his grasp, putting a lot of pressure on the teens' knuckles. Ranma let out a wince of pain, and Max slammed both of Ranmas' own fists right back into his face. He followed with a hard spin kick to the chest, which sent Ranma flying into a stack of wooden crates.

Ranma pushed away the crates, and got to his feet. "That's it! C'mon, oyaji, I'm gonna beat you to a pulp!"

Max let out an irritated sigh, and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. It had been at least three hours since they had finished the fire training, and they had been sparring non-stop, with the same results every time. The dumb kid was driven completely by his abnormally large ego. Since he had always been able to defeat his father before, this sudden change did not go over well. Did it matter that his father no longer stole food, or promised him to other families in a marriage arrangement? Apparently, the kids' ego was bigger than his honor, although that would change with time. Max knew that it was time to stop, and walked over to the supplies he had brought aboard.

"Forget it, okay? We're done. We've been going at this for three hours, and you haven't made much in the way of progress. C'mon, let's break for the rest of the night."

Ranma sighed, and gave up. What the hell, he'd do better the next day.

Max had lit another fire, and was making some instant dim sum for them to eat. As he prepared the food, Ranma stretched himself out, working his arms. The training for that technique had really tired him out.

As they ate, Max had taken apart his two Berettas piece by piece, and was cleaning them. As he dusted the barrel of his nickel-plated Beretta, he thought to himself.

_The kid ain't ready for firearms or pyrotechnics just yet. But we'll get to those other techniques soon enough. Of course, he'll learn 'em _my_ way. That old hack is gonna get her fucking clock cleaned when she gets here._

After they had finished eating, Ranma had gone to sleep in one of the sleeping bags they had brought aboard. As the youth slept, Max polished the golden idol with a cloth. It would prove very useful. Especially since Nabiki would never get her hands on it. He chuckled in anticipation of the fore coming events. The meeting with the Tendos would go well, with even more chaos than in the original story. Still, he wondered if he had forgotten anything. Who else was there in Japan who would have an impact on his plans?

All of a sudden, it hit him like a freight train. He slapped himself, Curly-style.

"That's right. Well, I guess I should prepare." He returned to polishing the idol.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Beijing… 

Avi smiled and adjusted his sunglasses as he walked into the airport terminal. It was a pretty nice day, and China looked like a nice place. He normally didn't like to leave his country, but the tropics and the orient were a couple of exceptions.

He was here to meet up with Chow, his dear Chinese friend. The man had been sleek enough to infiltrate a ring of Chinese opium dealers, and steal a sacred golden monkey idol. Avi wondered what Chinese people would worship a monkey, but, then again, he didn't know much about the place. For crying out loud, Chow had converted to Judaism not long after the two had met. Still, that didn't matter at the moment. As soon as they met up, they were all taking their next booked flight to Hong Kong, for a month of sweet, sweet vacation.

He walked down the terminal with his two hired goons, all the way to the front gate, the decided meeting place. He stood there, and waited. And waited. And waited.

He looked at his watch in irritation. If Chow didn't get here soon, they would miss their flight to Hong Kong. He was supposed to have been there almost an hour again.

At last, another taxi pulled up in front of the lobby. A man got out, and, seeing Avi and his men, walked through the door, over to where they stood. Avi was still confused. Where was Chow?

The man stopped in front of Avi. The old Jewish man sighed.

"Well? Why are you here? Where's Chow, and why hasn't he come?"

The man began to scratch the back of his head. "Um, Avi…we kind of have a problem…"

"What do you mean 'kind of'? Where is he?"

"We think he's gone."

The old mans' jaw dropped. "You _think he's gone_? You were the one who was supposed to be with him the whole time, and you're telling me that you lost track of him?"

"Look, Avi, this isn't the place. They want you to come back to the place so they can explain-"

"Hell no! This is my vacation, Ringo, and I'm not leaving this airport by any other means than a plane to Hong Kong! Now, you all better get out there and find Chow!"

"Avi, please! We can't talk about it here, they'll explain at the place!"

Avi sighed angrily, and beckoned to his two goons. "Fine. But you better have a good explanation for this. I had no plans to come out to the fucking Chinese mountains, so you're asking a lot."

They left the airport, and caught another taxi.

* * *

Max and Ranma were now walking down a trail in southwestern Japan, planning to eventually get to Tokyo. Of course, Max had one more stop before they were to reach the Tendos. 

"So, Pop, where're we goin'?

Well, we'll eventually make it to my dear friend. I've got to keep my agreement. But, there's one little problem I need to fix." He stopped walking when they reached an intersection in the paths, and looked at his map.

"This way" he said, pointing to the right. As they continued walking, Ranma asked "What problem are you talking about?"

"Nothing huge. Just come with me, and play along when the time comes, got it?"

Ranma was still confused, but slowly nodded his head. What could the old man have done this time?

After another fifteen minutes of walking, they came to a small neighborhood of houses. As they walked down the path, Max scanned for the right house. After five seconds of looking, he found it.

"This is the place. Okay, c'mon. We have to do this right."

"Whoa, hold on!" Ranma backed away from the house, refusing to go anywhere near it. "What the hell is this place, and why are you dragging me here?"

Max let out a sigh. "This is our house."

Ranma blinked, then sneered. "What do you mean 'our house'? We don't have a house!"

"Yes, we do. We just haven't lived here in over ten years."

"Ten years? What are you…wait…"

Ranma stopped to think for a moment. They hadn't t lived in a house as long as he could remember. But, they must've lived in one at some point…if this _was_ their house, it meant that…

"You mean…this place…"

"Yes. It's the house you were born in. We're here so you can meet your mother."

"My…my mother?"

"Yes, now c'mon, we haven't got all day!" He grabbed Ranma by the wrist and dragged him to the door.

* * *

Nodoka Saotome sighed as she sipped her green tea. She had been in the same place for a few hours now, and she didn't show any signs of changing her current activity. 

It was so lonely around the house these days. Ever since her husband had left with their son, she'd had very little to do. She wondered what they were doing now. Oh, Genma was probably teaching Ranma something new, something important, to make him a true man. It had been hard for her to accept the proposed ten-year training trip that Genma had insisted on. Still, if it meant making her son a man among men, so be it. Oh, how she had cried in happiness when little Ranma had stamped his hand on the contract promise. He was eager to become a man among men!

Still, it got very lonely around the house. The neighbors were there occasionally, although, the last time they had come over, she was reluctant to let them leave. Sadly, they were a bit disturbed by the fact that she was always carrying around a katana, and had snuck out while she was fetching more tea. That had been three months ago…

Suddenly, there was a knock at the shoji door out front. She slowly raised her head, and turned to the door.

"Oh, dear. Someone must be at the door." She slowly rose to her feet, made her way to the door, and grasped it by the side.

* * *

"Pops, why are we going back now?" 

"I have to fix a problem. After that, we'll say our goodbyes, and be on our way. There'll be plenty of quality time to spend as a family later."

"Huh? Wait, what's this problem you're talking about?"

"No time to explain."

"Just tell me!"

Max sighed, and took a deep breath. "I made a promise that if you didn't become a real man on out trip, we'd kill ourselves."

"WHAT!"

The shoji door in front of them suddenly opened to reveal an attractive, short-haired woman in her late thirties. She saw two people at her door; one was a man, a bit older than her, and he was holding a younger boy at bay. The man was just over six feet tall, was well-built, and had long black hair. The boy wasn't much different, except he had a slightly better-looking face. The boy was apparently trying to attack the man.

"Oh. May I help you two?"

Max yanked Ranma over to him, and held him close so he could whisper to him.

"Behave in front of your mother, punk!"

Ranma grimaced, but calmed down. He straightened himself out, and gazed up at the woman in front of him. Was this woman really his mother?

"Nodoka? It's me, Genma. Are you okay?"

Nodoka blinked in confusion. Genma? Her husband? He didn't look like this man.

"Huh? Genma?" She then took a closer look. That face…could it be? "Is that you, dear?"

Max forced a smile. "Yes, it is."

Nodoka kept her eyes glued on her husband. "Dear…what have you done to yourself?" It wasn't so much a question of shock as it was one of amazement.

Max continued to smile. "Nothing much…it's just a long story. Why don't we talk it over inside?"

Nodoka woke up from her trance, and motioned them inside. "Of course. Come in, please."

They all went inside, and, sitting across from each other on tatami mats and sipping green tea, Max began to lay out the situation. For a long time, Nodoka kept her gazed locked on her husband.

He certainly had changed since he had gone…but it seemed like he would probably get worse with age. That certainly was not the case here. When he had left ten years earlier, he had been in mediocre shape at best. Now, ten years later, he was is amazingly great shape. He finally had what you could call a physique, and it really showed. Even though his face was features were still a bit rugged, it only appealed to him. But the thing that had her attention the most was his full head of hair. Ten years earlier, he had been balding. Nodoka was sure that he was going to lose his hair within a few more years. Now, however, there was a full, long black head of hair that traveled to his neck. She was mystified as to how he could have done it.

"Um, Nodoka?"

She tore her gaze away from the top of his head. "Yes dear?"

"I know you've been waiting to meet our son. Well, here he is." He gestured to the teen next to him.

Nodoka immediately moved her gaze to the teen next to her husband. He looked very manly and handsome to her…was it really him?

"Ranma? Is it really you?"

Ranma was a bit uncomfortable as she gazed at him, but he slowly moved closer to her as well.

"Mom…?

Nodoka smiled, and continued to look at him closely. "Oh, Genma…he looks so manly!"

Ranma began to sweat. _What was that about_?

Max, however, remained calm as ever. "Of course he does. That was the intention."

The woman turned back to her husband. "My! You really did keep your promise!"

"Yes, I did. However…"

"Hmm?"

"Nodoka, I have something to confess." Max threw a quick glance at Ranma, sending the message of 'play along'. He turned back to Nodoka before speaking again. "While we were traveling in China…we encountered a few problems."

"Yes?"

"Still, no matter how big the obstacles, our dear son was able to overcome them. But, one day, we encountered a small group of savages in the mountains. They were gathered around a huge bonfire, and they were preparing to sacrifice a young girl to their god."

Nodoka gasped, holding her hand in front of her mouth. "Oh, my!"

Ranma looked confused, looking at his father with suspicion.

"Indeed. Of course, as martial artists, we couldn't just let this happen. We sprung into action to save the girl. We both fought the ruffians, as many as five at a time. Of course, being my old self, I didn't last as long. I eventually couldn't fight any more. Ranma, however, kept going. Nothing stopped him."

Nodoka's eyes began to gain a bit of sparkle. Ranma gave his father an angry stare.

"What the hell are you talking about, oyaji? That never- OOF!"

Max slammed the teen to the ground, and continued. "Thanks to our boys' heroics, we were able to save the girl. She couldn't have been more grateful."

Ranma got back up, looking as though he was going to pound his father.

"All right Pops, you'd better stop-"

But, before he could, he was caught in a tight embrace by his loving mother.

"Oh, Ranma! That was so manly of you!"

Ranma began to turn slightly red, but managed to return the angry glance to his father. Max, however, didn't flinch.

"But…" he said.

Nodoka let go of her son, and looked at her husband again. "But…? What do you mean?"

"Well, the natives didn't take kindly to our actions. Since they had lost the girl, they decided to take out their revenge on our son. As punishment, they cursed him."

"Cursed…"

Ranma decided it was best not to speak at the moment, although he kept his glare of suspicion on his father.

Max pulled a thermos from his gi. "Watch this, dear." And, before Ranma could react, he dumped the water on the teen.

Ranma sputtered, and jumped up to smack his father. "What'd you do _that_ for, oyaji?" He then noticed that his mother was looking right at him in utmost shock.

"R…Ranma?" She looked at her all the way down, from her newly-acquired red hair, to her surprisingly impressive assets, to her slim, athletic body. Her **womens'** body. She turned back to her husband, a look of fear and sadness in her eyes. "Dear…how did this happen?"

Max cleared his throat. "This is the curse they placed upon him. They used water from the cursed springs of one of the most infamous sites in China: Jusenkyo."

"Jusenkyo…wait! That's the place from where you sent your last letter, isn't it?"

"Yes, it was. I didn't contact you again, because I thought it would be best to show you this in person. I didn't want you to get worried alone."

"Oh…well, what are we supposed to do about this? I mean…Ranma really is manly…and that act was amazingly brave…but he's become a girl…and that can't be-"

"Dear, don't you see? He sacrificed his manhood to save a young girl!" Max clasped the womans' hands in his own. "And, to top it all off, he's taking this like a man! If that isn't manly, tell me what is!"

Nodoka looked back into his eyes, daring to believe in her lost hope again. Ranma was still completely clueless as to what was going on. Max backed away from the woman, and pulled out another thermos, which he dumped on Ranma again.

"Ow! That's hot!"

Nodoka gasped in shock again as her son transformed back into a male. "Ranma…you're a man again! What…what does this mean?"

Ranma turned to his mother, and stuttered as he tried to explain. Max, however, interrupted.

"You just saw what happened. As a result of the curse, cold water changes him into a girl. The spell is reversed with hot water. And he's not the only one" he said, taking out yet another thermos. "Watch this."

He dumped the contents on his head, and Ranma scooted away to avoid the transformation. Nodoka took on her look of shock again as she stared at the huge, vicious-looking panda in front of her. "D-dear…?"

Max then took another hot water thermos, and changed back. "They thought they'd get me as a last-second joke. Still, it's not so bad. And, you don't have to worry about either of us. There is a cure."

Nodoka's face lit up. "There is?"

Max nodded. "Back at the springs where they got the water that did this to us, they have a spring that can change us back. Sadly, we were not able to reach it in time. But don't worry; one day, we're going back there for you. Ranma will be a full man again, as will I. And, until then, he will take his problem like the man he is."

Nodoka broke into a teary smile. "Oh, dear! That's so manly of both of you! Dear, you truly have raised our son into a man among men!"

"Yes. Unfortunately, we have an appointment to keep, Nodoka. You do remember what I'm talking about?"

Nodoka was confused for a minute, but remembered the deal they had made with the Tendos. She nodded her head. "Of course. I guess I'll see you two when I can."

Max smiled, and stood up quickly. "I'll be looking forward to that. And so will Ranma. Right, boy?"

When Ranma didn't respond do to shock, Max smacked him upside the head. The youth nodded.

"Good. Well, goodbye!" He grabbed Ranma by the collar, and zoomed out the door, giving one last wave.

Ranma struggled to get out of the his fathers' grip, but to no avail. "Dammit Pops! What the hell was that all about?"

"Will you shut up? You should at least be happy about what we just did! Otherwise, you'd be holding a knife to your gut, preparing to be decapitated!"

"What do you mean?"

"Back when we left for our trip, I told your mother that this trip would be necessary in order to make you into a good man, okay? And trust me, it's a good thing you didn't spend your childhood getting spoiled by someone like her. So, I had to tell her that it was the best possible idea for you to be away from her for a while. And, when she asked how serious it was, I kind of came out and said something desperate…like we'd commit seppuku together."

Ranma looked like he wanted to tear his father in two. "Why the hell did you promise her that?"

"I wasn't being serious, okay? It was no different than when you'd say that you'd jump off a cliff, or go to hell and back! The important thing is she actually took it seriously! So, when we fell into the springs, I felt doing something like this would get her off our backs! It's one less problem we'll have to deal with."

Ranma didn't say anything. The old man was right, but still…he couldn't believe all this stuff happened without him knowing. "Okay, old man. You win this time. But I don't want you doing anymore stuff behind my back! Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah. Now c'mon, we have to get to Tokyo already! We're on a tight schedule!"

* * *

In the Bayankala range… 

Two Chinese men stood over a pen full of pigs. In their hands was a bag, full of six pieces of a human corpse that had been cut up. They gave the pigs a look, and dumped the contents of the bag into the pen. The pigs greedily fought to get to the dead flesh, and attacked it with utmost force. The two men watched as the pigs gobbled up the corpse.

"Hey, who was this guy anyway?" one of them asked the other.

"He turned out to be a spy for some other group. He was here with us to steal the monkey idol."

"You serious? Shit. Well, how'd they find him out?"

"You remember that a few of our guys were attack at one of the posts by a giant panda, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, since he was the only guy who got away from that, he had apparently run away with his pants around his ankles. He was probably getting serviced earlier."

"Oh, yeah. Heh."

"So, when we heard about the incident, our guys went to make sure the idol was okay. It was missing, so they went to ask this guy. When they found him, he was apparently looking for it himself. That's when they grew suspicious. But the next thing was what really gave him away."

"What was that?" the man asked, the sound of pigs crunching through bones in the background.

"He had forgotten to pull his pants up, and they saw him."

"Saw what?"

"Below the belt. He was…trimmed."

"Oh…oh! You mean-"

"Yeah. Like those guys from the west, 'joo-ish', or whatever. And it looked recently done, so they found out who he was working for. One of our heads knew these guys, so the shot him full of lead on the spot, and gave the body to us."

"Yeesh. That's trippy. So, did they ever find out what happened to the idol?"

"Well, they're assuming the panda stole it. It seemed like a stupid idea at first, but then the head mentioned that ground of springs not far from here. You know, the one where people can be changed into animals and such?"

"They think some guy disguised as a panda stole it?"

"Well, he definitely stole the truck, which we found out was taken to the Russians in the next town. Still, we know they weren't after the idol."

"So, what are they doing now?"

"They're over at the house of that guy who keeps watch over the springs, I think."

**_ZOOM_ (Quick scene change, like in _Snatch_)**

"I swear, I don't know anything about- ow!" The guide stopped as the men pushed him against the wall, holding machete to his lower back.

"We know that you know where the panda-man has gone. And you're going to tell us!"

"What panda-man?"

The head henchman shook his head, and gestured to his goons. "Boys?"

They dragged the guide over a window, and opened it up. They shoved him in by his head, and prepared to bring the window down on him. "You got one more chance!"

"All right, all right! They were from Japan! They caught a ship to there a couple of days ago!"

"They?"

"Uh, yeah! He had a son who fell into the Nyannichuan! The boy turns into a girl now!"

The men smiled at each other. "That makes our search a bit easier. Don't obstruct us again!" They threw him to the floor and walked out. The guide held his head.

"Sheesh. I hope the sirs will be all right."

* * *

"What the hell do you mean 'he's dead'? How the hell did this happen?" Avi was beside himself as he leered at his other Chinese friend. 

"Avi, we had some guys listening in on the opium dealers. They were saying that he had his pants down when they found him…"

Avi's mind went a mile a minute: images of Chow flirting with, holding onto, and getting serviced by, numerous attractive women. He shook his head.

"Shit. I told him to keep his fucking pants on! They probably saw his lack of foreskin, too."

"Yes, I'm afraid so. That's really what gave him away."

"Well, that's just fucking great! So they got the idol back from him?"

"Actually, no. They were talking about how it got stolen again."

Avi perked up a bit, listening a bit harder this time. "Really? Did they see who did it?"

"It's a bit hard to explain, Avi."

"Well, don't fucking hesitate, you dumb fuck! Tell me what happened!"

* * *

Sorry. Gotta stop it there. The chapter was too long, which means you'll have to wait for the next one to see the meeting with the Tendos. But don't worry; I'm on a roll here, so it'll be up soon enough. 

Hope you all liked this one. It wasn't much, but I hope it's coming along nicely. Plus, anyone who hasn't seen _Snatch_ needs to see that movie right now. It'll make the first eight chapters or so in this fic a lot more fun.

And don't take that early stuff as Ranma-bashing. I'm just having fun. Ranma really was a jerk in the early part of the series, and didn't become the least bit respecting until after he went to live with the Tendos. You all know that it's true. Anyway, it's not important.

So, until next time, enjoy the fic. Read and review all you can! Happy trails.


	5. The Tendo Homestead

Don't even think about it. Just shut up and listen: things happen which prevent me from writing; schoolwork, writers' block, etc. That's why you didn't see an update for a while. But by no means does that mean that this story is finished. I never start a story without finishing it. (At least I like to think so…)

Sorry for being away for so long. The important thing is, I'm back. Plus, this is the chapter you've all been waiting for: the arrival of Max and Ranma at the Tendo Dojo. Plus, our little side story featuring Chinese gangsters will eventually add up to something nice. Enjoy

**Chapter 5**

Soun Tendo was literally moved to tears by the postcard he held in front of him. It featured a photo of a panda eating bamboo, and was no doubt purchased in some rural Chinese gift shop. He had already read the message fourteen times over just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. It seemed he wasn't.

"R-R-Ranma?...Coming _here_? Oh, how I've _waited_ for this day!"

With a sudden cry of joy, he whipped his head in several directions, looking around the living room that he sat in. It was time to call the girls.

"Oi! Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!"

When he received no responses, he decided to go retrieve them himself. He first made his way to the kitchen, pushing aside the curtain to reveal his eldest, 19-year old daughter as she was cutting up a watermelon.

"Kasumi!"

"What is it, otou-san?"

He then entered the room of his middle, 17-year old daughter.

"Nabiki!"

"Hmm?"

He then moved to the next room, and opened the door.

"Akane!"

He received no response.

"Where is that girl?"

* * *

A young, athletic teenage girl jogged her way through the streets. She huffed as she approached the dojo gates. 

"I'm ho-o-o-ome!"

As soon as she reached the dojo, she proceeded to throw aside her jogging clothes, and slip into a gi, which had been neatly laid out and waiting for her. Her actions were continued with the placement of a stack of cinder blocks in the middle of the dojo floor.

"HYAAAHHH!!!"

With a single karate chop, she reduced the blocks to rubble, with pieces flying all over the dojo floor. She stood up, and wiped the sweat from her forehead, letting out a sigh of enjoyment.

"Ahh! That was nice!"

"There you go again, Akane."

The girl turned around to meet her one of her older sisters approaching her.

"No wonder all the boys think you're so weird."

Akane reached down for a towel. "So, why should I care? Not _everybody_ thinks the world revolves around _boys_, Nabiki."

Nabiki turned away from her younger sister. "No? Well, than I guess this wouldn't interest _you_."

* * *

It was starting to rain as the three girls faced their father from across the table in the living room of the Tendo estate.

"Fiancé?"

"Yes" the father replied. "The son of a very good friend of mine. The sons' name is **Ranma Saotome**."

He held the postcard in front of him as he cleared his throat. "If one of you three girls were to marry him, and carry on this training center…than the Tendo family legacy would be secure."

"Wait a second!"

Soun watched as his youngest daughter stood up in front of him. "Don't we have some say in who we marry?"

Kasumi seconded the motion. "Akane's right, father. We've never even **met** this Ranma."

Soun lightly chuckled to himself, tapping the postcard on the table. "Oh, that's _easily_ fixed…"

* * *

The residents of Nerima, at least those who happened to be out on the street on this rainy day, were feeling several different emotions as they watched an unusual event unfold in front of them. Some were shocked, a few were amused, and others were just downright afraid. Still, there would no doubt be mixed reactions at seeing a young, exhausted pig-tailed girl in a Chinese outfit struggling to escape from an enormous, vicious-looking Panda. 

"Dammit, Pops! I'm telling you- whoa!"

She had to duck to avoid another swing. "Cut this out right now! I'm not going to this place- yikes!"

Max had literally knocked the young aqua transsexual onto her back in the pouring rain, and stood towering over her. Ranma was intimidated, but stood up anyway.

"I don't care about this 'fiancé' thing! I'm going back to China, and there's not a thing-"

KLONG!

She was silenced by street sign upside his head. Max had taken the liberty of ripping one out of the ground while the punk made his point. He jammed it back into the ground, and hoisted the teenager up over his shoulder. As he walked down the street, several pedestrians moved up to get a better look at him. He stopped, turned around to give them all a look, and they all ran screaming.

_Glad that part's over. Took longer than I expected. Oh well; it just shows you not to mess with nature._ He sighed. _If only Steve Irwin were still alive, I'd teach him a thing or two…_ He retracted his long, steely claws, gave them a once-over, and proceeded down the street, making _Robocop_ sounds with every step.

* * *

"My friend and Ranma have been on a voyage of training for the last few years or so" Soun explained to the girls as the rain continued outside. "Recently, it seems they crossed into China, and spent quite a while there." 

"Wow, China!" Nabiki said, leaning forward, and putting her elbows on the table.

Akane sulked, looking away from her family. "So they walked through China, big deal."

"Say, father" the eldest daughter began to ask, "is Ranma older? Younger men bore me."

"How much of a hunk is he?" the middle daughter asked.

The smile remained on Soun's face, and he let out a small laugh. After a lengthy pause, he exhaled. "I don't know."

After an even longer pause, Nabiki leaned forward, staring her father right in the eyes. "_You don't know_?"

"Well, you see, I've never met him."

* * *

Heading down another street, Max looked up the line of houses, eventually coming upon a long stonewall with a large gate. 

_Bingo_, he thought. _Any minute now…_

As if on cue, the girl he had slung over his shoulder woke up. After a few seconds, Ranma-chan began beating the back of the large panda with her fists, screaming angrily. To Max, this merely felt like a crappy massage. He'd deal with it soon enough.

"Let me go, you stupid panda, let me go! I told you I don't want any part of this!"

Ignoring the protests, Max approached the gate, and stepped inside.

* * *

The Tendo daughters were still sitting in dumbfounded shock and irritation at their father's little revelation. Akane herself was grumbling in anger. 

That's when they heard the first sounds of their new guests.

"Dammit, you old fart! I'm not gonna tell you again, put me down!"

"Huh? Who could that be?" Kasumi asked, looking towards the hall.

Standing up in excitement, Nabiki made her way into the hall. "Oh boy! It must be Ranma!"

His eyes tearing up, Soun followed her. "Saotome! We've been waiting!"

They were followed shortly by Kasumi, who was smiling at the thought of guests, and then by Akane, who had her head hung low in irritation. _What a waste of time…Boys!_

They stopped in their tracks when they saw their father and sister running right back at them, looks of fear and confusion on their faces. When they looked up and saw what was coming their way, their faces donned the same looks.

As Max walked closer to the Tendo family, Ranma struggled even harder. "Dammit, old fool! Stop already! You're scarin' em' _shitless_!"

Leaning in towards her father, Kasumi quietly inquired, "Daddy, are these people friends of yours?"

When Soun shook his head violently, Nabiki angrily piped up, "Oh, so this Panda just decided to visit, then! HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!"

As they continued to squabble amongst themselves, Max sighed, and slammed Ranma onto the floor, right in front of Soun. The elder man's eyes followed the girl, staring at her as a slight blush formed on her cheeks. Leaning closer, he pointed at her.

"Y…you wouldn't be…by any chance…"

Her face growing even redder, Ranma-chan fiddled with her pigtail, looking away. "I'm…Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

Soun appeared not to have heard the last line, because he immediately grabbed the girl by her shoulders, tears of happiness forming in his eyes. "Oh, you don't know how long I've waited for this day!" he cried, bringing the girl into a tight embrace.

That's when he felt something weird. Slowly letting go of the girl, he looked down, and saw something he desperately did not want to see: a couple of lumps that should not have been there. He slowly backed away, his jaw hanging open in horror.

As Ranma watched the older man, she felt a finger jab into her chest. Cringing in pain, she turned to yell at the culprit, only to have her breast grabbed tightly by the shorthaired girl. "Ow! Hey, you wanna quit that?"

Nabiki grimaced, and turned to face her father, who still had that look of horror on his face. "What's the deal, father? This 'fiancé' of ours is a GIRL!"

"A…another girl…" And, with that, Soun Tendo knew no more.

* * *

Max, still in his panda form, lay against one of the walls, watching as the daughters tended to their father. They didn't seem to be bothered by the fact there was a large, rather nasty-looking Chinese beast sitting in their living room, as all their attention was on the fainted man or the young aqua transsexual. 

"Poor Daddy," the eldest daughter said as she squeezed a damp washcloth in a bowl of water next to her unconscious father, who lay on a futon in the center of the room. "He must be so disappointed."

"_He's_ disappointed!" the middle daughter responded immediately. "What about the rest of us? Some fiancé this person turned out to be!" she said, gesturing to Ranma.

"Knock it off, you two!" Akane retorted, noticing the other girl's head drooping low. "He…_she_ is our guest!"

Nabiki pretended not to hear her. "This is all Daddy's fault, anyway! If he had made sure of everything, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

Laying the towel on Soun's head, Kasumi looked at her sister. "You can't blame father for that. This Mr. Saotome obviously told him he had a son."

Grabbing hold of Ranma by the shoulders and pulling the girl to her side, Nabiki latched her hand onto her chest once again, squeezing rather tightly this time. "Does this look like a son to you? Huh?"

Max smiled as he watched the cringe of pain appear on the young girl's face, and as she tried to throw off her grabber. "Hey! That hurts, dammit!"

Smacking her sister's hand away, Akane stepped in between them. "Enough, sister!" After Nabiki turned away with a pout, Akane looked down at Ranma. "Sorry about her. She's just really fed up with this thing."

"Tell me about it" the youth responded, trying to rub the pain out of her chest.

Laughing, Akane held out her hand. "C'mon, join me in the dojo." Surprised, Ranma looked back at her in return. "I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Heaving a relieved smile, Ranma got up and followed her into the training hall.

* * *

A few minutes later, Soun began to come to. As he sat up, he rubbed his eyes. 

"Finally!" Nabiki said, putting her magazine down. "Now we can get to the bottom of this! Tell us why you screwed up, Daddy!"

Looking right at his daughter, Sound blinked. Rubbing his eyes again, he opened his eyes wider. Then, a look of apparent shock came over his face.

"Na- Nabiki Tendo?"

Confused, the girl gave her father a weird look. "What's wrong with you, Daddy?"

Max, watching since the beginning, raised an eyebrow. The man looked around, spotting Kasumi and the giant panda in his room. Nearly falling over in shock, he scooted himself back to the nearest wall. "Wh- what the hell?" he stuttered, followed by "Ranma?"

"Ranma's in the hall with Akane, father. What's wrong?" Kasumi asked.

The man didn't appear any calmer. "What the hell am I doing here?" he asked, sounding very confused.

"You _live_ here, Daddy!" Nabiki said, clearly irritated. She didn't know what was going on.

But Max did. _Looks like I'm not the only one who's been dragged into this manga story_, he thought. If what he was thinking was true, someone had also been reading the Ranma ½ manga, and ended up in the body of Soun Tendo. Who knew what would happen next?

_I've gotta talk to him, and let him know what's going on_, he thought. _But we've gotta be alone_-

As if on cue, Nabiki stood up. "To hell with this! I'm leaving." And, taking her magazine with her, she stomped out of the room.

Picking up the tea tray, Kasumi turned to her father. "Father, I'm going to start dinner." And with that, she went into the kitchen.

_Perfect_, Max thought. Walking towards the still-confused Soun, he lifted a sign into the air. The man read it, and looked at the Panda, who gave him a smile before walking away, entering the hall.

_If I remember correctly, the baths are this way…_ he thought, continuing down the hall. Reaching the end, he could hear Ranma and Akane sparring in the dojo. _All on schedule_, he thought, opening a door, and finding the bathroom. _Ah, here we are_.

* * *

After the transformation and a scrub down, Max, now in his human form, walked back into the living room, and found Soun sitting in the exact same place. Smiling at him, he sat down. "Sorry to keep you waiting." 

"Who the hell are you?" the man asked almost immediately. "Where'd the panda man go?"

"You're lookin' at him."

Donning a look of disbelief, Soun looked him over. "No way" he said. "For one thing, Genma never had hair. And he certainly isn't built like you!"

"No, he wasn't" Max replied, pulling out a thick cigar from one of his pockets. "Not until I got into his body."

As if catching on, the man broke in. "So you know what's going on here?"

Lighting the cigar, Max took a puff. "Well, sort of. Let me guess: you were reading the manga one night, your computer sucks you in through the screen, and, next thing you know, you're here."

Taken aback by the statement, the man paused a bit before responding. "Well, actually, I was playing my console when it happened; through the TV."

"Ah. So it can happen different ways as well. Interesting."

Giving Max a slight look of irritation, he said "You seem to be surprisingly calm for a man who's been dragged into a manga character's body."

Chuckling, Max made a smoke ring. "Well, I have been in it for about a month now."

Perking up at this, he asked, "When did you end up in the body?"

"Just as he was popping out of the spring. As soon as he became a panda, I guess."

Thinking for a moment, Soun's new resident asked again. "So, you knocked Ranma into the springs?"

"Yep."

"Why'd you do that?"

"Hey, do you really think it would be better if he didn't get his curse? It would have taken all the fun away. Plus, I was mad, and had to hit someone."

Finally donning a smile himself, the man laughed. "I guess you're right."

After a few more seconds of silence, Max shook the ash off his cigar. "Look, I should've asked you, what's your name? Your real name."

The man looked at Max for a second before responding. "Me? Carlos; Carlos Barillo."

Blowing out another puff, Max responded. "Cool name. Where're you from?"

"San Jose, Cost Rica."

"Really? So they do have Ranma fans down there."

"Of course. What about you?"

"Name's Max; Max Lee Savage. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia, back in the US."

The two continued to talk for a number of minutes, Max filling in Carlos on everything he had done since he had ended up in Genma's body. Kasumi had since brought them bottles of beer, and they drank away as they talked.

"And I raised my 12-guage in the air, and said, 'This is my BOOMSTICK!' And they all practically pissed themselves before they came charging at me. And that's when I let e'm have it."

The two laughed heartily, and Carlos wiped away a tear. "Classic, utterly classic. Kinda' funny how all we can think of is movie references when we read these comics. It's like we're writing our own live fanfiction here."

"Don't jinx anything, pal" Max responded, taking another puff. All of a sudden, he looked at his watch. "Oh, crap. Almost time." He put out his stogie, and sat up.

"What do you mean?"

Before Max could answer, a long, painful, girlish, drawn out scream thundered throughout the house. It continued, followed by the sound of someone running down the halls. Soon enough, Akane, dressed in her bathrobe, zipped by them, an expression of utmost anger on her face, and jumped outside, hoisting up a large piece of ornamental stone.

"I'll weigh him down! I'll drown him in the tub!" She began to carry the stone inside, when Nabiki and Kasumi caught up with her.

"Akane, what's the problem?" Nabiki asked, eyeing the stone. "What's that for?"

"There's a pervert in the bathroom!" she immediately responded.

"So, why don't you just kill him with your bare hands?"

"Because, I'm AFRAID!"

"That's odd" Kasumi said, looking towards the hall. "Ranma should have been in the bath just about now."

Looking from the girls to Carlos, Max smiled. The boy in Soun's body smiled back. "Guess we'd better get this over with." He said, just as Ranma, in his male form, appeared in the hallway.

* * *

Avi looked blankly at the man sitting at his expensive desk. The words he had been told had not quite registered in his brain. 

"Run that by me again, Ting. I didn't catch it that first time."

The old Chinese man wiped the sweat from his forehead, and took a deep, nervous breath. "I've already told you, Avi, that's who they saw."

"Well maybe they were a bit stoned on some General Tso's mowie wowie themselves, Ting! You're telling me, that a fucking _panda_, who is actually a man who can turn into a panda, scared away those triads and Chow, and stole the very monkey idol we've been trying to steal for three months now?"

"I know it sounds crazy, Avi-"

"No, Ting, it doesn't sound crazy. Saying it sounds crazy would besmirch the good name of the word 'crazy.' Hell, it would besmirch a word like 'shitty.' I honestly can't find a word that wouldn't get a bad rep from this story of yours!"

"Look, Avi, that's all we can tell you. Believe me, the cursed springs are no joke. If you want me to take you there to prove it to you-"

The old Jewish man scoffed. "No, Ting, forget it. I'll believe it this one time. But I'm not happy that I have to go to fucking Japan, a country that's given me a hard time on Wall Street by the way, to find this damn thing. You know how much I don't like to leave my country, Ting. But this time I made an exception: I was headed for sandy beaches and fruity blender drinks. But now, I don't know if that fucking vacation is even gonna happen! You get how pissed I am now?"

Sighing again, the bald man nodded. "Yes, Avi. I can see that you're upset."

"Upset?" he responded. "Oh, fuck it. Let's just leave it at that. I don't have time for this." He stood up, and motioned to his right-hand man. "C'mon, Rick. We've got problems to solve." The two made their way to the door, before Avi stopped.

"Oh, and Ting? Wearing a skullcap doesn't make you Jewish, pal!" he said, slamming the door.

Ting grumbled, snatching the tiny hat off his bald head.

Outside, the younger man turned to his boss. "So, how're we gonna handle this?"

Sighing, Avi looked at his colleague. "I don't know. All we've got is the info they've given us." Looking away for a few seconds, he drew in a long, unpleasant sigh. "Guess we've got no choice. We've gotta call him."

The colleague looked at him in confusion. "Avi? You don't mean-"

"Yeah, I do."

"Boss, he's not gonna talk to ya'. You remember what happened last time?"

"Do I look stupid enough to forget someone I shot in the head, you prick?"

"I'm just saying, calling him might make things worse."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take. This guy is our only chance of finding that little golden monkey. We're callin' him, and that's that."

* * *

"And that's the story" Max said, finally finishing up his long tale. 

There was an eerie silence between the families. Max and Carlos kept glancing at each other, while Akane continued to throw angry and disturbed looks at Ranma, still feeling it from their encounter a little earlier.

As if on cue, Carlos piped up. "The accursed springs…so the legend is true. It's true horror has always been shrouded in mystery."

"Feh! Whaddya mean 'true horror?'" Turning to face his father, he yelled, "Oyaji! What the hell was the idea of dragging me to that place?"

Lighting another cigar, Max waved him off. "We've already been over this, boy. Don't start it again."

"Like hell I won't start it again!" he retorted, leaping at the older man.

With a simple throw, Ranma was hurled out the door, and into the pond. "You little prick!" Max called after him. "You say you're ready to put your life on the line for the sake of the art, and you start blaming me for this problem?"

"My life, yes!" Ranma said, running up with a pail of water in her hands. "My _manhood_, however, is another story!" she yelled, splashing the old man with water.

The effect was immediate. Max grew double his size into the giant panda, and stood menacing over the young aqua-transsexual. Ranma backed away, slightly regretting her actions. It was too late, as Max was beside himself.

**(This is the fifth set of clothes you've ruined, you little shit!)** his sign said. And with that, he smacked Ranma right back into the drink.

While the girls appeared annoyed or worried at the situation, Carlos was enjoying himself. Nabiki noticed him chuckling, and frowned. "Daddy! What's funny about this? They're destroying our home!"

"Oh, relax. They'll calm down in a minute."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Just trust me" he said.

Nabiki gave her father a long, hard look, long after he had turned away from her. After thinking for a moment, she eventually sat back down.

After a few minutes of fighting, the two martial artists had calmed down, and Carlos had brought a kettle of hot water.

"So, the problem isn't really that much of a problem, then" he said, pouring the hot liquid onto the panda. Max emerged, pulling his ruined clothes back on. "You know it doesn't need to be _that_ hot, C- I mean, Tendo."

"Sorry, sorry" he said, turning to Ranma. "Cold water triggers your curses, but hot water changes you right back!" he continued as he poured the water at Ranma, who immediately dodged it.

"_Hot_ water, not boiling!" the redhead retorted.

"Right, right. The point is, your curses aren't that bad after all."

"Not that bad?" the girl yelled in astonishment. "How is it not that bad? Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be stuck as a girl for any amount of time?"

Akane scoffed at this statement, while Kasumi came in to defend her. "She's right, Mr. Saotome! How could you even dream of taking your son to such a dangerous place to train?"

Max merely sighed, and turned to the eldest daughter. "One, we didn't know the springs were actually cursed when we got there. Two, Ranma never objected to the idea beforehand. And three, I think if you've been doing other things in China, like running an obstacle course of hot coals, swimming to China through shark-infested waters, hauling two-ton rocks up a steep mountain, snatching live ammunition out of fires, doing drills over the edge of an active volcano, and fighting a bunch of pissed off Amazon warriors…you'd better be glad this is the worst that happened to you!"

Turning to face Ranma, he continued. "Plus, after a look at your new body, you should be happy. You've got more power than you can think of! All you have to do is turn on the charm for some dumb rich boys, and viola! Free food, free money, and free favors, all coming your way! So stop bitching about your temporarily-lost manhood, and try counting your blessings!"

Ranma could only stare at her old man, dumbfounded, and unable to respond. Her father had never said anything of this caliber before, and it was starting to get to her. Although she tried to find a retort, she gave up, and sat back down.

Carlos broke the silence by standing back up and putting his arm on Ranma's shoulder. "Well, now that we're done with all that, let's get down to business. Time for you to meet your future wife."

"Hey, wait, I never agreed-"

Ignoring her, Carlos gestured to the three girls. "My eldest daughter, Kasumi, age 19. She's the typical submissive type, can work wonders with food and housework, and is a little bit dense when it comes to dealing with certain situations. She'll make a great wife, but you may want to keep her out of parts of your social life. Knowing her, though, she probably won't even notice."

Max laughed inwardly his new friend's antics, while Kasumi donned a look of surprise on her face. "Father!"

She was ignored, however, as he moved on. "Next, my middle daughter, Nabiki, age 17. While she may have looks and is probably the most likely to put out, she's awfully greedy, and just plain heartless at times. She'll use you at any time for her own agenda, which is to make more money. You may die young, but, if you do, you'll die smiling."

Nabiki didn't know whether to laugh, be angry, or just remain shocked. Their father was certainly not acting like himself. Before she could respond, though, they had moved on to Akane.

"And my youngest daughter-"

"Don't you dare tell him anything about me!" she cut in.

"-age 16. You already know what she's like, taking into account your last meeting. She's hot-tempered and hopelessly violent, but nice in her own way. Anyway, you're welcome to fool around with all three of them, but you'd better choose one as your long-term fiancé."

"Daddy!" Akane yelled, her face turning red. Ranma had gone a bit red as well, and Max laughed along with Carlos, watching the expressions on all four girls.

Both elder sisters immediately grabbed Akane by the shoulders, and pushed her forward. "Oh, he wants Akane" Kasumi said. "Definitely" Nabiki added.

"Eh?" the girl quipped, donning a look of shock. "You must be joking! Why on earth would I-"

"You keep saying how much you hate boys, don't you?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah, so you're in luck! Ranma's half-girl!" Kasumi finished.

"I'm never gonna marry that perverted freak!" Akane retorted.

At this, Ranma forgot all about her other problems, and stomped towards Akane. "Who the hell are you calling a pervert?"

"You were leering at my body, you pervert!"

"Hey! _You_ walked in on _me_, babe, not the other way around!"

"It's different when a _girl_ sees a _boy_!"

"Oh, _screw_ this!" the girl yelled before turning around. "I'm leaving!"

"Oh, really? Max said, taking a swig from his beer. "Where to?"

"Back to China! I'm gonna go and get cured of this stupid curse! This is no time for me to be worrying about marriage." He took a few steps before stopping to look at Akane. "And besides, I don't recall you looking away when you saw me. Plus, I've explored this body top to bottom, so the nude female body is nothing new to me. And the real crazy thing is, I'm way better built than you could ever hope to be! Hahahahaha!"

He didn't get another laugh out before he was clobbered by the family dining table. Akane clutched the massive piece of furniture in her hands, an enormous grimace of anger on her face. While the other girls looked a bit spooked, Max and Carlos seemed to enjoy themselves, continuing on their drinks.

"He really had that one coming" Max said with a smirk, downing the rest of his brew in one gulp.

* * *

Taking a deep breath as he held the phone to his ear, Avi listened to the rings, waiting for someone to pick up the receiver. After 5 rings, he heard a click. 

Hello, yes, I'm calling for Tony…you know, Bullet-Tooth Tony, they who they say can find anything…who am I? Well, just tell him I'm an old customer…and that I'm really sorry."

After a few more seconds of waiting, he heard another voice on the other line. "Allo, Avi" the voice said in a rather malignant manner.

"Tony, hey! Look, I'm sorry I'm calling you right now, and I hope I didn't get you at a bad time-"

"Well, I don't know, Avi, let's see. For the last eight months, I've had a tiny metal plate in my head from that slug you nearly put in my skull. If that can be considered a good time, I wonder what could be counted as bad."

"That was an accident, Tony, you know that."

"So I'm supposed to feel better about that? You aren't the one who's been sitting on his ass fifteen hours a day for the past eight months."

"Look, Tony…I know things are a little emotional between us-"

"Emotional?" the Brit cut in angrily. "You think things between us are emotional, Avi? Let me tell you something about the varying degrees of a situation in peril: there's tough situations; then comes emotional; after that comes troubling; then things get painful; and, finally, we get chaotic situations. When things are emotional, they can still be resolved. Troubled situations make it a bit harder for everyone to stand each other. People aren't usually willing to talk to each other when things get painful. When things get chaotic, all bets are off. And as for our situation, my dear grandfather skullcap, we're bordering the fucking Annual Hiroshima City Mushroom Cloud Show. And the last time I checked, that's way beyond emotional, Avi, so you'd better come up with something much better to say if you want me to listen any further."

Sighing, the Jewish man responded. "All right, all right! I fucked up, and I owe you. Okay? That what you wanted to hear, you dumb jock? I'm calling you because I need your help! Now, are you gonna do it, or not?"

After a long silence, Avi looked at the phone in confusion. "Tony?"

"Ah'm here, Avi. Just been thinking, is all. Explain the situation to me."

Avi had been expecting this, and not looking forward to it. He told Tony the story, bit by bit, and waited in grueling anticipation for the answer.

"So, what's it gonna be?"

"A very troublesome situation indeed, Cousin Avi. But tell me, why should I come all the way to Japan, a country I know very little about, just to help you find people I know absolutely nothing about?"

"Don't bullshit me, Tony, I heard about that business you did in Japan! Why the hell do you think I'm calling you?"

"Very good, my old chum. Not as off your rocker as you look."

"All right, enough of this. You gonna do it or not?"

"I don't know, Avi. All depends on your offer, I suppose."

After a long, final sigh, Avi held the phone up to his mouth. "I'll pay you double what I paid last time, plus the money I should've paid last time. So, in all, it's triple your original price. I'll even pay for your ride over. Good enough?"

After another long silence, the voice responded. "All right. I'll be there, Avi. But no fuck-ups this time."

"Oh, thank you Tony, thanks a lot! You won't regret this-"

"I hope so, for your sake. See you in three days." And, with that, he hung up.

Letting out a deep breath of relief, Avi put the phone back, and walked away.

In a pub in southeast London, Tony took a long puff from his nearly-finished cigar before downing the last of his stout, and slamming the glass down. Putting out his cigar, he put his hand inside his jacket, and pulled out his chrome-plated .50-caliber Desert Eagle handgun, before extracting the magazine to check the number of rounds. Sliding the mag back in, he shoved the gun back into his jacket, stood up, and walked out the door.

* * *

Back in Nerima, Max and Carlos were both finishing up their own beers, and Max was putting the final touches on his cigar. Carlos gave him a look of interest. 

"Great idea," he said. "I'm all for it. But how're we supposed to fund these little adventures?"

"Oh, there are ways" Max responded. "I've still got virtually all the cash I made from that job in China. Plus, I've got this." He reached into his pockets, and dug out the monkey idol.

He watched his friend's eyes go wide. "Where'd you get that? You said you were in China."

"I was. I'm as confused as you are. Still, we just have to find jobs like this, and we'll be set."

"Short-term, we're good. But we'll need a more long-term solution."

Taking a final puff from the stogie before putting it out, Max looked at Carlos with narrowed eyes. "I'll think of something."

* * *

Nabiki watched as her father's friend put away the little golden monkey idol that was encrusted with several diamonds. She began to get several ideas in her head, all of them concerning her plans for profit. 

This man, whoever he was, was having a very strange effect on her father, as well on all of them. There were things about him she did not yet know. But she was already thinking of how to turn this man to her advantage. And nothing would stop her.

Or so she thought…

* * *

Whew! Finally finished. You should all be glad I was inspired to pick up the story once again. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I'll try to get the next one up as soon as possible. Keep reading, and let me know what you think. Happy trails. 


	6. School, Jews, and Triads

Hey again

Hey again. Sorry I took time to update this chapter, but I've been doing quite a bit of work lately. First off, I've been working my ass off to get a few new chapters of _Being Alive_ up, and, at the same time, outlining a bunch of chapters for this story. Suffice to say, my writer's block is gone. If things go smoothly, there should be more frequent updates from now on.

I'll be updating _Being Alive_ the next chance I get. Plus, I'm going back to work on _Golden Classics_ pretty soon. That's all for now. Enjoy.

**Chapter 6**

**School, Jews, and Triads**

At Tokyo International Airport, a small, private jet flew in from the clouds, and landed on the runway. Coming to a stop a few hundred feet from the terminal, the door opened up, and several men began to step out onto the runway. They were all Chinese men in business suits, several of them carrying duffle bags and briefcases. After twenty men stepped off the plane, a fancy sedan pulled up from the airport, and out stepped a larger, more distinct man, also Chinese. He was taller than the rest of them, and had a long, brushy goatee on his hard, gruff face. His face bore a few scars, as did his hands. When he stepped out of the car, all the other men, who had been chatting and laughing amongst themselves, suddenly went silent, their eyes remaining on him.

The larger man pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and walked up to one of the men, muttering something in Chinese. The shorter man nodded wearily, and pulled out a small set of papers, hading it to the bigger man. He looked them over, and eventually came across a photo of a large, golden monkey idol. Staring at it for a few seconds, he finally nodded, handing the papers back, but keeping the photo for himself.

At that moment, three more cars pulled up, and all the men got in. The cars drove off, leaving the empty jet behind.

* * *

"School?" the youth asked, a surprised look in his eyes as he sat across from his father.

Max sipped his coffee while looking at a paper. "Well, we are going to be here a while…plus, you haven't been to school a while. You might as well have something to do."

"You could have asked me first" the boy retorted.

"The law kinda' requires you to, son. Not really much of a choice." Pulling out a schoolbag from somewhere, he held it out for Ranma to take.

Sighing, Ranma took the bag, and stood up. He heard footsteps behind him.

"You're in the same school as Akane and me," Nabiki said, walking by in her school uniform. "See you there!" She was about to step outside, when she stopped to get a look at the boy's father.

Looking up from his paper, Max saw the girl looking at him. "Something wrong miss?"

Smiling, she shook her head. "Oh, nothing. See you later." And with that, she made for the door.

"Wait!" Akane yelled as she ran up to her sister. "I'll go with you!"

Whirling around, the elder daughter smiled. "C'mon, Akane, he's your fiancé. You should at least walk him to school." She stepped outside, and Akane and Ranma glared at each other before turning away, and heading out the door to school themselves.

Once they were all gone, Max finished his coffee, put down his paper, and reached into his pocket, pulling out what looked like a set of photos. As he went through them, Carlos stepped into the room, stretching his arms and yawning.

"Late riser, huh?" Max asked, smirking.

"Yeah, yeah," the man responded. "They leave already?"

"I'll be goin' after em' in a minute" Max said, continuing to look through the photos.

"What for?" Looking closer, he saw the photos. "What're those?"

"Oh, just some shots I took back in China. Planning on gettin' a head start."

Walking closer, Carlos closed in on the pictures. "What are you talking about…oh."

Smiling, Max put away the photos. "Get it?"

"Yeah," he said. "Really, though…those're worse than Nabiki would do, seriously."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Carlos walked over to the coffee pot, and poured himself a cup. "By the way," he said, adding some sugar, "are you any closer to knowing just what it is that brought us here?"

"Nope," Max quipped. "Sorry, but I'm not sure there's a way for us to find out. We won't know unless the reason jumps out in front of us lit up by neon."

"I figured," Carlos answered, sipping. "Guess I really don't care; I'll just suck it up and be happy with our little opportunity."

"Now you're talkin'," Max finished, stashing the photos in his jacket. "Anyway, I'm off."

"Already?"

"Hell yeah! There's no way I'm gonna miss this." And, with that, he went out the door. Once outside, he thought to himself, and smirked. _But first, I need to make a stop at the copiers_.

* * *

In a run-down Japanese jewelry shop in downtown Tokyo, an old man sat behind the counter, inspecting a series of gems. He looked up when he heard the bell above the door ring, and saw two foreigners walk through.

"Irrashai- Tony?"

The hulkish man nodded in a greeting fashion. "How ya doin', Ryo?"

The man stood in shock with his mouth hanging open. "H- how can you be here? They said you were killed!"

"People say a lot a' things. But they don' always make sure."

"But I heard you were shot in the head with your own gun!"

"I was," he answered, turning back to look at Avi, who rolled his eyes and sighed. "An' everyone obviously thought the same, 'cause they all left me fer dead. It was only by dumb luck that some paramedic bothered to patch up the wound 'fore I expired. I spent eight months recuperatin', and I've just now gotten me a new job, working for the same bloke that shot me before. Kinda' ironic once you think about it."

Taking a deep breath, Ryo gathered his thought. "Well, I'm glad you're still alive, Tony. It's wonderful to see you again."

"Jus' wonderin, Ryo" Tony said, looking around the shop, "did you ever think about it?"

"About what?"

"You know – your function in life."

The man froze up at this question. He thought to himself, apparently searching for an answer. "Well…I'm still not sure about that, Tony…"

"S'all right, Ryo; don't think to hard about it. Anyway, we're here because we think you might be able to help us."

Breathing easily again, the man asked, "With what?"

"We're wondering if anyone's tried to sell you something rather expensive an' valuable recently. Something big, high-profile?"

"I'm afraid not. Business has actually been pretty slow lately."

Tony sighed. "Sorry ta' hear that." He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a slip of paper. "Still," he said, "if you come across anything out of the ordinary, like a seller with something big, I'd appreciate you giving me a call."

Taking the slip, Ryo looked at the number written on it. "Will do, Tony."

"Thanks, old chum. Hope business picks back up." And, with that, he walked back out the door, followed closely by Avi. Once outside, the two began to walk down the street.

"What the hell was the point of that, Tony?" Avi let out.

Turning to face the man, he sighed angrily. "Let me explain a little something to you, my dear Avi: when people find rather expensive items they wish to cash in, they go to places like this. I'm merely letting an old friend of mine know of our little situation so that he may help if he can. See a lack of logic there, do you?"

"Why the fuck would the guys with the idol come to this dump? Wouldn't they go to an actual jewelry store, where they're likely to be paid better?"

"If the men we're looking for are from around here Tony, and I believe they are, they'll come to this place. Anyone with the least bit o' knowledge on merchandise comes to this place, 'cause they know they'll get the best deal. Trust me if you want me to go with you any further on this."

Letting out a sigh himself, Avi responded. "Alright, alright. But this hasn't gotten us any closer to the idol, Tony."

Stopping at a cigarette vendor, Tony pulled a pack from the machine, and lit up. "Patience is a true virtue, my dear Avi. Take that to heart."

He sighed a final time. "Yeah, whatever."

* * *

"Hate boys! Hate boys! HATE BOYS!" This is what ran through Akane's head, as well as what came from her mouth, as she ran towards the gates of the school, and the dozens of students that charged at her, fists and weapons raised. Ranma, in his surprise, found a seat on top of the wall, watching the spectacle.

Not far off, behind a nearby tree, Max was watching as well. He'd done a quick run-through inside the school, and was ready to get down to business. Soon, the school would be in a pretty nice uproar. But for now, he wanted to see just how things would play out between Ranma and Kuno.

Soon enough, Akane was standing amongst a field of fallen bodies, and Ranma was jumping down beside her. Seconds later, a single red rose flew in the direction of the two; Ranma reached out to grab it, looking at it for a moment. "Huh?"

"You there! Who are you, and why do you hold the rose of love meant for my Akane Tendo?"

_Here it comes_, Max thought. _Let's see what he does_.

"Who the hell are you?" Ranma asked in retort.

"Cur! Did I give you permission to inquire about my name?"

Arching his eyes more, Ranma merely turned back to continue in the direction of the school.

"Hold, fool! I have not yet given my name!"

"You just had your chance," Ranma said under his breath.

Kuno proceeded to give his 'Blue Thunder' speech, to which Ranma started to walk away during the middle of.

"Blue Thunder of Furinkan- halt! Did I give you my leave, scum?"

"Did I ask, prick?" Ranma snorted.

Max laughed. _Kid's learning more already_.

Pointing his bokken at Akane, Kuno turned towards her. "Forgive me, my love, but I must put this cur in his place. Fear not, we shall spar soon." He raised his weapon, and charged at the new student.

Eyeing the charging kendoist, Max kept his eyes on his almost-son. _C'mon, boy, do it…_

"Cur! I shall smite thee for thy insolence!" the fencer yelled.

Ranma stared down his opponent as he charged, and, at the last moment, leapt into a flip, coming down just as Kuno passed, and jabbing two fingers right to the back of the kendoist's neck. Kuno fell forward face-first, skidding into the dust.

Max smirked. _Perfect_.

Akane ran up to the boy. "Ranma! What are you doing, getting into a fight!"

"Hey, _he_ came at _me_! What the hell do you want me to do?"

The girl looked down at the kendoist, who was starting to move around on the ground. "What did you do to him?"

Looking at the fingers he used, Ranma answered, "Nothing much, just a small move pops taught me. He won't be able to move the left side of his body for a bit."

"Huh?" Akane quipped, looking at him weirdly.

Sure enough, Kuno was trying to raise himself up with his right arm, using his bokken for support. "Damn you, cur," he said in slightly slurred speech. "I fight on!" He quickly lost his support, and fell flat on his face again.

"C'mon, let's get inside," she said, pushing the boy to the door.

* * *

Exiting the front entrance, Max dusted off his hands. He'd just finished his next bit of work. Walking to the nearest tree, he climbed up, and prepared for the coming fireworks.

* * *

Nabiki sat at her desk, thinking to herself. Since the previous night, she had been scheming on how to get her hands on the expensive piece of gold and jewelry that belonged to her father's friend. While she was still working on it, she had plans to gain some quicker cash. She was just waiting for Kuno to show up to class.

Class had already begun; she sighed. Kuno would have to stay out in the hall with the pails, and she wouldn't be able to break the news until the next class.

A long, sudden scream that resonated throughout the halls broke her concentration, and she recognized it as Kuno.

"What's his problem? Ranma didn't beat him that bad, did he?"

"Ranma Saotome! I forbid this engagement! You shall never sink your claws into my Akane Tendo!"

The class shot up in uproar, making for the door at the news. Nabiki sat up, hardly daring to believe it. Could Ranma or Akane have told him? They couldn't have…

Following the class out the door, she pushed her way through the crowd, who were all crowding the walls. Her mouth fell open in shock.

Pasted over nearly every inch of the walls were fliers, showing a smiling Ranma and Akane, both in respective wedding clothing, holding each other. The flier promptly announced the engagement of the two, and hinted at an already long-running relationship.

"It can't be!" she said, though she couldn't hear herself over the crowd. "Who did…" Her mind came to a screeching halt as she realized her answer.

"Very clever," she said. "Looks like this will be interesting."

* * *

Soon enough, Ranma was running through the halls, evading the strikes of Kuno's bokken as it slashed through the air behind him. He had burst through the classroom door, yelling about the engagement, and Ranma had leapt up and run, planning to lead him outside. That was when he saw the fliers; the ones posted all over the walls of the hallway, showing a very fluff-filled picture of Akane and himself together. Now, he was bubbling with anger as he leapt and dashed down the hall, wondering who the hell could've pulled this stupid prank.

"Hold still, scurvy cur! Submit and accept your punishment!" the samurai-wannabe yelled, slashing the bokken at the boy.

"You can't be serious!" Ranma replied, literally bouncing off the wall to avoid a swipe.

"When one deserves such punishment, it is only honorable to accept it in its most brutal form! Considering that I am the superior fighter, there is no point in resisting!"

After another dodged swing, Ranma kicked off from the wall, and delivered a foot to the kendoist's face, leaving a noticeable mark. "Please, pal. You couldn't hit the broadside of this building!"

Regaining his composure, Kuno resumed his chase. "Silence, knave! I will put you in your place for insulting the skills of a master samurai!"

Ranma couldn't hold back a laugh as he turned in a new direction, almost forgetting his anger about the fliers. "No thanks. I'm perfectly happy kickin' your ass, jerkoff," he said, sending a right hook to Kuno's jaw.

The chase resumed until Ranma saw a window up ahead. Turning back, he eyed the kendoist. "This is no place to fight, Kuno! Follow me!"

"That I shall!"

* * *

Max had a pair of binoculars put to his eyes, keeping a close eye on the window, waiting for the inevitable. _Must be taking his time, though_, he thought. _It didn't take this long in the story. Maybe he's really having more fun this time_. Smiling, he waited. _I sure am glad we spent that much time together. Otherwise, he'd still be a boring, stuck-up Boy Scout punk._

Sure enough, a large figure burst through the window, followed by another one. They both began to plummet towards the swimming pool below.

* * *

"Oh no!" the youth yelled as he fell towards the pool. Feeling how close Kuno was to him, he took immediate action, and grabbed hold of the kendoist. Using Kuno as a surface, he bounded away, landing well past the pool, while Kuno plummeted in with a splash.

Dusting off his hands, Ranma began to walk away. "Ain't no way I'm turnin' into a girl in front of these people." His mind suddenly went back to the big surprise from the halls. "Who the hell could've done all that? Nabiki? She seemed kind of like the type…nah. She didn't have that kind of stuff on her when she went to school. It must've been…" His head shot up in the air when he realized what he was thinking. "Oyaji!"

At that exact moment, water sprayed up from the grass, soaking the boy, and temporarily washing away his manhood. The redhead stared, open-mouthed at the sprinkler system in front of her. "It can't be…"

She was suddenly grabbed from behind, her chest being squeezed painfully tight.

"I fight on, Saotome!"

Screaming in irritated pain, Ranma reached up, grabbed Kuno by his hair, and drove his head into the ground. Breathing heavily in anger, she stomped off, trying to squeeze the water out of her clothes.

Kuno, using his bokken, slowly dug himself out of the dirt, his head popping up, all covered in dirt. He couldn't help but stare into space.

"Who was that?" he pondered. "A woman? Yes…that was certainly a woman." Slowly standing up with the aid of his wooden sword, he took a deep breath before exhaling in another fit of anger.

"Saotome! I will not be fooled by this cowardly display of trickery! You are no man! YOU ARE NO MAN!!"

A red-hot kettle of water collided with the Kendoist's head, sending his head right back into the ground. Digging himself out again, he turned around, and saw the same girl standing before him. She was wearing only her shirt and boxers, having begun wringing the water out of her pants.

"Oh, it's you. That hurt, you know."

"Shut up!" Ranma shouted, balling up her fists. She had been about to use that water to change back, and was mad she had to use it for something otherwise. "I don't have to stand there and take that from you. Come on!" she said, taking up her stance. "I can take you anytime!"

Slowly standing up, Kuno raised his bokken. "Very amusing. Should you win…I would allow you to date m-"

A flying kick to the face silenced him. "Who the hell is asking to go out with you?" the girl said, snatching the bokken right out of his hands, and striking four places on his body in succession, before tossing the weapon to the ground. She began to walk away, before turning back to Kuno, who was still standing upright after the strikes.

"Oh, and for the record, pal; Ranma Saotome is way better'n me! So don't get your hopes up!" With that, she walked off.

Kuno stared at the girl as she walked off, his mind running a mind a minute. _Who on Earth…_ he thought, before trying to take a step.

As soon as he moved, though, the muscles in each of his joints where he had been struck locked up tight, and he fell face-first onto the ground, unable to move.

From his place in the tree, Max watched through a pair of binoculars. _Not bad, kid; using the joint-lock_. Putting the pair away, he leapt down from the tree, walking over to the fallen fencer.

Kuno looked up to the one approaching him. "And who are you?" he asked in a slurred voice.

* * *

Later that day at the dojo, Max practiced his own techniques, waiting for Ranma to show up.

Soon enough, the young aqua transsexual, once again a male, came storming into the building, searching angrily for his father. "Oyaji! Get out here! I know you're here! And I know you made all those stupid fliers of me an' Akane and posted em' all over the school! Get out here so I can kick your ass!"

Running out of the house and into the dojo, Ranma continued running at the same speed, and failed to notice the small tripwire at the entrance to the dojo. Rolling on the ground until he hit the wall, he attempted to stagger to his feet, only to feel about two hundred pounds fall right on his back, sending him to the ground once more. Looking up, he saw the black-gi-clad figure of his father sitting on his back, holding what looked like a large knife.

"Oyaji! Get offa me so I can kick your ass!" he yelled, trying and failing to force the older man off his back. Max elbowed him in the back of his neck, and continued to inspect his blade.

"Put a sock in it, punk," he said, running the flat of the blade across his gi-clad arm. "I figured that you'd at least be able to spot a tripwire by now. Apparently, I was wrong."

"You jerk!" Ranma screeched again. "Why the hell should you be talking about my skill? You're the one who made all those stupid fliers of me an' Akane, weren't you?"

"Your intelligence is precise," he said sarcastically. "Yeah, I made 'em. I felt you'd need all the training opportunities you could get."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ranma retorted, still struggling under his father's weight.

"It means that this is a perfect opportunity to get more training everyday. Think about it: now that everyone knows you're Akane's fiancé, they're all gonna be gunning for you, as well as her, every morning. And the Kuno douche will be a nice addition. You need to be alert, and this is the perfect way to ensure that you are."

Ranma growled. "Oyaji, I am sick of you going off and making decisions for me! I've been humiliated in front of the entire school because of this stupid engagement! And I can take any of those twerps, any time of the day!"

"Really? Then fight 'em for the rest of the school year. We'll see how good you do." He got up, and Ranma leapt to his feet, immediately taking a swing at his father. Max easily parried it, knocking the boy on his rear again.

"That's it, Oyaji! Yer' goin' down!"

"Please, son, don't make me laugh," he said, easily keeping up with his son's chestnut fist. "You need this training, and you know it." He proved his words by landing a final tap to Ranma's forehead, which sent the youth flying back five feet.

Ranma got up again, and angrily sulked, but seemed to calm down a notch. "What about the engagement? What if I don't wanna get married to that chick?"

"Then don't."

Ranma's eyes went wide, and donned a confused look. "Huh?"

"This engagement is really more to keep your mother happy, son. Tendo and I recently agreed that we don't need you and Akane to unite the schools. We're doing business in a different way. But we thought it might be good for you two to at least spend some time together, considering how much time you've spent away from society and women in general."

When Ranma finally got the jist of what his father said, he angrily retorted, "And who's fault is that, huh?!"

"Yeah, and I'm making up for it, right? Besides, you already had a girl for a friend during our journey."

"Whaddya' talking about, Oyaji? I never knew any girls on that trip!"

Max caught himself. _Oops. Almost spilled the beans. Gotta save that girl for later_. "Yeah, sorry. Anyway, just relax. They'll all grow to accept your 'engagement' soon enough. Well, everyone except Kuno, that is. Take it easy."

He left, leaving Ranma alone in the dojo. The boy sat down, sighing an angry sigh, until he saw someone else at the entrance.

"Ranma-kun," Kasumi said, holding out what looked like an envelope. "It seems you've received a challenge…"

* * *

The next morning, Max had gotten up early, and was out in the garden, holding one of his two handguns. He'd done his usual exercises, and was now thinking about something else.

_How can I extend my abilities with these things?_ He asked himself mentally. _Learning simple movie tricks isn't even half the game. I know there's more to it. But where to start…_

Pulling the slide back on the gun, he sighed. _I can start by getting a new set. A whole armory of weapons, and I go for a lousy pair of Berettas. I gotta work on customizing my own weapons._

A sudden scream grabbed his attention away. It was Ranma, no doubt waking up from his little Freudian nightmare concerning Kuno's declaration of love the previous day.

* * *

Ranma and Akane didn't even exchange words during their run to school that morning. Nabiki shortly followed. As the kids ran off down the street, someone watched them from the other side of the road. He lifted up a radio, speaking a few words.

A few minutes later, Kasumi left the house as well, carrying her purse for a shopping errand. As soon as she was out of sight, the lone figure gave a final signal into his radio.

* * *

Max looked over the inside of his jacket to check his arsenal once more. He had his two Berettas, a few extra magazines, and his Bowie Knife; not much, but all he would need, should the need arise. Walking over to his futon, he pushed it aside, and lifted up the tatami mat, revealing a hole in the floorboards, where he had stashed the idol. Taking it, he shoved it into his jacket, and headed into the living room, spotting Carlos.

"Where're you headed?" he asked, looking up from his paper.

"To see a supposed expert on jewelry. I've been looking around, and this guy's resume looks pretty good. We might be able to get a good deal, or at least some info. You wanna come?"

Leaving the paper on the desk, he nodded. "Sure."

* * *

As Nabiki sat listening to her homeroom teacher blab away, she smirked, tapping a pen lightly on the wooden surface of her desk. Being who she was, she had a number of connections across town in the business of money, including brokers and jewelers. She'd mentioned to one of her more distant connections about the prize her father's friend possessed, and he'd perked right up at the news. Soon enough, an ad was in the papers, one that wouldn't slip by the old man's eyes. Of course, she had her own motives in telling the jeweler that bit of information, and they didn't include buying it from him, should he get his hands on it.

* * *

Max and Carlos stepped through the doors of a jewelry shop, sounding the bell. The jeweler, standing behind the counter, looked up from a set of sapphires to greet them.

"Irrashaimase," Ryo said, putting down his eyeglass. Glancing at the two men, he found they matched the description that girl had given him. "How can I help you two gentlemen today?"

Max walked up to the counter, Carlos close behind him. "Thank you. We just wanted to talk to you about some supposed merchandise value; we heard this store was one of the best in town."

"Not _one of_, sir; we _are_ the best in town."

"That's good to hear."

"So, what did you want to talk about, sir?"

Max leaned in closer. "I'd rather talk about this in the back room, if you don't mind. This isn't something that needs to be recorded," he said, noting the security camera up on the wall.

_Looks like these men could be the people Tony was talking about_, Ryo thought. "Sure, whatever floats your boat," He led them around the counter, to the door leading to the storage room.

Outside the shop, a couple of cars were parked on either side. Inside the one on the entrance's side, the driver spoke into his radio.

* * *

Max slowly pulled the cloth off of the idol for all to see. Ryo's eyes widened as he gazed at the golden monkey shape, encrusted with countless diamonds. He reached out his hands, stopping just short to throw a glance at the owner. Max nodded, and the jeweler took the piece in his hands, holding it lovingly.

"Unbelievable," he said, his eyes locked on the idol. "I've never seen such a thing in my life. Where did you find it?"

"China," Max said, taking a look around the room. "Other than that, we don't know a lot."

"I see," the man replied. "It doesn't look very Chinese…"

"I'm as confused as you are." Max walked around, looking at the various boxes stacked around the room. "So, how much do you think-"

A knock at the door interrupted him. Ryo immediately perked up, and headed for the door. "Oh, looks like I have another customer. Who would come to the back door, anyway?"

Max's eyes shot up as he turned and saw the man reach out for the knob. "Wait!" he said, reaching inside his jacket. "Don't open that-"

It came too late. As soon as the knob was turned, five men stormed inside, running over the jeweler and Carlos. Max tried to draw his pistol, but felt the force of an iron tool on his head before losing consciousness.

* * *

As she peacefully drank from her juice box, Nabiki looked down to see a toy stuffed panda on her desk, and looked up to see who had tossed it there.

"What's this?" she asked.

"A present," Kuno replied.

She picked it up, and shoved it back into his arms. "Sorry, Kuno-chan, but I'm afraid it's not my style."

"Did I offer it to you, Nabiki Tendo?" the kendoist retorted, glaring at her coldly. "Don't make me laugh; this sweet treasure…" He turned to face her, slamming his hands on the desk, "I save for my goddess in pigtails!"

Nabiki spat her mouthful of juice at the boy in surprise. The juice dripped down the boy's face as his eyes twitched.

"Now look what you made me do," she said, setting the box down.

"What _I_ made you do…"

Before he could continue, the girl laid out a set of five photographs onto the desk. Each was of Ranma in his female form, and a slight bit revealing in some way.

"Set of five for 3000 yen. Whadd'ya say?"

Kuno took the pictures in his hands. And began to look them over. "Ohhh, dear…she is so…so…defenseless…"

"Kinda' like a boy, huh?"

"These aren't quite as nice as the other set…though, I suppose they'd make a nice addition…"

The girl's smile disappeared. "What do you mean, 'other set'?"

Kuno reached into his pocket. "Nothing. Just some photos another man gave to me yesterday," he said, pulling out five other photos. "Hey! Return those!" he said as Nabiki snatched them from his hands. Looking them over, she saw the differences: one had Ranma sleeping on her back, with her legs spread wide, her panties barely clinging to her. Another had the girl with a splash of vanilla ice cream accidentally spilt onto her chest, just above her low-cut tank top. And, yet another had her laying face up in the tub. Nabiki narrowed her eyes as she gazed at them again. _So…the old man knows how to play hardball…how the hell did I miss shots like this?_

"I repeat, hand those photos back to me!" he said, reaching for them, and missing when Nabiki lifted them into the air. She dropped them on the floor, and Kuno scattered to pick them up.

* * *

When Max came to, his first attempt at breathing got him a mouthful of cotton. Realizing a bag was over his face, he began to struggle about, but was immediately restrained by another smack from what felt like a nightstick, and found his hands were bound. After hearing some unintelligible words spoken in Chinese amongst their unseen captors, the bag was lifted off his head. They were all in some closed off maintenance room he didn't recognize, surrounded by five Chinese-looking men in dark suits. He saw that he, Carlos and the jeweler were in the same position, thought the jeweler looked a bit more roughed up than either of them.

"Max! Who are these jokers?" Carlos mouthed before being knocked in the head.

"I'm not sure! I don't know why-" Max thought about it for a second, and remembered who he'd stolen the idol from. _It can't be…how the hell could they have followed us all the way here!_

Before Max could think any further, the door to the room opened, and in walked three other men; two looked like typical mob soldiers, armed with pistols. The one in the middle, however, was something else altogether. He was a bit taller then the others, had his long hair tied back into a rough ponytail, and wore a brushy goatee. His face was covered with some rather ugly scars. Walking up to one of the men, he said something in Chinese. The man reached into his pocket, and pulled out the idol. As soon as Max saw it, he knew they were in real trouble. The larger man took it, inspected it, and handed it to one of his underlings. He walked up to Max, and took a long, intimidating look down at him before whipping his fist across his face. Speaking to the other man again, he gestured to Max and the jeweler, and began to leave. When the man spoke to him again, motioning to Carlos, the tall man hesitated before making a sign by dragging his finger across his neck in a cutthroat fashion. He stormed out, his underlings behind him.

Two of the taller, bulkier men in the group grabbed hold of Carlos, and began to drag him out the door. _Shit!_ Max thought. "Carlos! Carlos, hold on!" he said, attempting to leap to his feet. He was restrained by two of the others.

Carlos was dragged to his feet, and the men began to lead him out the door at gunpoint. "Max! Do something- hey, fuck you!" he said, shoving at the triad that had shoved him. He was subsequently forced out the door.

"Fuck!" Max yelled, attempting to break free of his restrainers. Once again, however, they pulled out a crowbar, and conked him over the head, putting him down, but not out.

"It's time for you to shut up! one of the men said, switching to Japanese. "We have the merchandise you took from us, but we want more information about who you were getting it for. What did Voronov want with our things? Answer, or it gets worse!"

Max promptly spat a huge wad of blood and saliva in the man's face. "Get fucked, jerk-off."

The man wiped the slime off before decking Max again, "Very well. You leave us no other choice." He yelled to his cronies in Chinese, and Max and the jeweler were forced to their feet, and led out of the room.

* * *

"Tell me why I must give this to you, Saotome!" the upperclassman demanded.

Ranma stared back at the kendoist, then at the toy panda in his hands, a blank expression on his face. "What are you talking about?"

"Answer me! 'If you want to give it to her, give it to Ranma Saotome', quoth Nabiki Tendo! How do you know my pig-tailed goddess, cur?"

Sighing in frustration, Ranma tossed the stuffed toy back at him. "I'm tellin' ya, bud, just forget about her." He began to walk away.

"What was that, Saotome?"

He turned to glance at him one last time. "If I have my way, you'll never see her again! So beat it!" He turned the corner, and stormed away, running right into a blast of cold water from an upstairs pail.

* * *

"So, basically, that's the jist. Nothing to it," Nabiki said to an audience of three, just outside the school building.

The three in question were not students at the school, and were rather strange looking. One was short, with messy blonde hair, whisker marks on his face, and wore what looked like an orange jumpsuit. The second one was about the same height, with shaggy black hair, and wore heavy blue clothing. The third was taller and bulkier than the others, and wore a combat jacket over a black jumpsuit. They all wore some form of headband with a metal talisman on their forehead.

"Let me get this straight," the black-haired one said. "You want us to steal something from this jeweler, and you don't expect us to want a piece of the reward?"

"Yeah! If we're stealing something, we want the best piece of the merchandise!" the yellow-haired one followed up.

Nabiki held her hands up and shook her head. "No, no, listen to me already! This jeweler, his name's Ryo Hinoya. He always carries around a good deal of jewels and cash around with him. Most people just don't realize it. Anyway, he's going to have something that I want. It's golden idol he'll have bought from someone else. It's not worth that much, it just appeals to my tastes. He'll be at another dealer early tomorrow morning. You guys go into the dealer when he gets there, and take his merchandise. You give the idol to me. Anything else he's carrying, as well as what's in the store, is yours to keep. Got it?"

"Yeah, we got it," the kid said again. "We just don't know why you're so eager to get only this thing. It's a bit suspicious, if you don't mind my saying so."

"I can understand it," she replied, "but that's my offer. I'm already giving you a small cash advance so you can prepare. I suggest you handle this quietly; get a few guns and masks, and just take it. Don't go with any of this macho martial arts crap."

"What the hell is it with you people and those gun things?" the black-haired one said. "We didn't even hear about them until we came here last week! How would you expect us to know how they work?"

"They're simple, you idiots! You take it, point, and pull the trigger! If you don't learn to use these things, you're all going to get shot one day. Now, go. You have the information you need. I'll be waiting here at this time tomorrow to receive the goods." She turned and left.

The black-haired one turned back to his friends. "What a crap job. Why are we wasting our time on jewelry, anyway?"

"Because, Sasuke, there's a lot of dough to be made in the jewelry trade! We can't keep stealing cars forever, and cash is harder to come by!" the blonde one said.

"Plus, drugs are too dangerous," the taller one said. "Those guys are always armed. And I think it is time we learnt to use guns. Everyone else know how."

"I get it, Kakashi," he replied. "How come we never even heard of these things until we came here last week, Naruto?"

"Don't ask me," he replied. "They just look really gay. I don't know why everyone uses them."

* * *

Nabiki returned just in time to dump another kettleful of hot water onto the redhead. He immediately kicked Kuno in the face, knocking him back. "Do you get it _now_, moron?" he said as he walked away.

"HOLD, SAOTOME!" the fencer bellowed, causing Ranma to stop in his tracks. "Where have you hidden my pig-tailed goddess? Tatewaki Kuno will not be fooled by such trickery!"

Turning back, Ranma gave the kendoist a frustrated look. "Listen, pal-"

"I guess he won't clue in until we spell it out for him," Nabiki said, walking up to her classmate. "Oh, Kuno-chan…"

"Hey, what exactly are you planning to tell him?" the boy called after her.

* * *

Max breathed in and out at a heavy pace as the triads handcuffed him to the end of a shower curtain pole, one of them holding a gun on his face. He watched with and angry gaze as they did the same to the jeweler, only they had placed him right inside the cast-iron tub for the shower. They had moved everyone to a nearby staff shower room, and had turned up a TV in the room outside loud enough to scramble any noise they might make. And Max had a nagging feeling he knew what was coming.

The door to the bathroom opened once more, and in stepped the lead henchman, brandishing a gas-powered chainsaw. Max attempted to calm his breathing, but it was no use.

"Let's see if this changes your mind," the thug said, holding the power tool up to the gagged jeweler, who recoiled with a look of terror in his eyes. "Are you going to tell us or not?"

Looking from the triad to the jeweler, Max exhaled, saying nothing.

Sighing, the man yanked on the cord, and the chainsaw came to life with a burst of noise. He slowly moved it towards the bound man, then, with a small jerk, sent it through his arm. Blood began to splatter all over the tub, and Max shut his eyes, trying not to listen to the jeweler's muffled screams.

* * *

Keeping his hands over his head, and feeling the cold end of a large handgun against his neck Carlos listened to the loud noises of the TV, as well as those in the background he couldn't make out. Things didn't look good. _Gotta' think of something to do_, he thought. _Can't let it end like this…_ He cringed when he thought her heard a scream; getting an idea, he thought to himself for a second…

* * *

A number of grisly seconds later, the jeweler remained in several pieces in the furo. Fortunately, thanks to the blood, it was hard to tell anything apart, but the sight still left Max spooked. They were now cuffing him in the exact same place, another thug still holding the gun on him. The pool of blood that had collected in the tub was now seeping through his shoes, and he coughed up a few times from the rancid smell of the blood. The thug was now preparing the chainsaw again, and looked at Max one final time. "I'll ask you one more time: are you going to tell us what we want to know?"

"If what you wanna know is that the blood on your slacks makes you look like you're riding your sister's menstrual cycle…then, yeah," he said with a hard-pressed laugh.

The man grimaced, and yanked on the cord again.

* * *

This time, Carlos heard it: the noise was starting up again. Now was the time to act. Glimpsing from the corner of his eye that one of the henchmen was gazing the other way, he drove an elbow into his side, moving faster than they noticed. He began to yell as they attempted to restrain him.

* * *

Briefly hearing the yelling on his radio, the lead henchmen stopped the progress of his tool towards Max, and grabbed it from his belt. Just as he turned away, Max took the opportunity. Yanking down as hard as he could, he broke the shower curtain pole from its place, and grabbed hold of the arm holding the gun on him. They both struggled as the chainsaw thug's attention was brought back. The triads all started yelling and cursing in Chinese, until Max forced the man to point the gun in the direction of the third henchman, grabbed the trigger, and fired, catching him in the head. The lead thug immediately came at them both with the chainsaw; grabbed the arm with both hands outstretched, and shoved forward: the saw cut through both the thug's arm and his handcuff chain. As the other triad screamed in agony, Max kicked the leader in the gut, sending him crashing into the wall. He kicked the armless man until he was out for good, and leapt out of the tub.

The chainsaw thug ran out of the room, cutting through the window with the tool, before landing on the fire escape. Leaving the blade behind, he tore down the fire escape, not looking back.

Finally finding his way to the fire escape, Max saw the chainsaw laying there, but couldn't see the triad thug. "Fuck!" he exclaimed. _No time! I gotta find out where they took Carlos!_ His question was answered when he looked down into the alley five stories below, and saw both of the larger thugs that had dragged Carlos out of the building earlier. One had a gun trained on him, the other stood a few feet away, keeping watch.

_Dammit!_ He thought, cursing himself for not picking up the henchman's gun earlier._ I'll never get down there in time! There's nothing I can do…unless…_

He looked behind him, and saw that the roof was only a floor higher. He then looked back down, at the long drop. Making up his mind, he grabbed the chainsaw, and headed for the roof.

Five stories down, the bulky henchman had his Desert Eagle trained right on Carlos' head. "I hope your conscience is clean, you Japanese filth." He pulled back the hammer on his gun.

Taking in the deepest breath he could, Max tossed the live chainsaw off the roof, and followed, leaping off himself. _Hope I aimed those things just right_, he thought.

Looking up, Carlos saw what was falling towards the triad over him. His eyes went wide, and he immediately ducked and covered with his arms. _Holy SHIT…_

The noticed his hostages actions just long enough to get a disturbed look on his face; and was immediately sawed open by the chainsaw, as it cut down at a jagged angle, all the way down to his torso. His weapon discharged a round as he collapsed to the ground. At almost the same moment, Max landed square on the back of the other thug, breaking both his fall and the man's spine. The other man's gun also discharged a round as he fell. As he rolled onto the ground, Max fell out of consciousness.

Noticing that the other man was still moving, Carlos moved in and delivered a hard kick to the face, putting him down for the count. He then grabbed a tacky shopping back from a nearby trash heap, and grabbed both pistols off the ground, putting them into the bag. He went through their pockets as well, grabbing all the cash and jewelry he could find, as well as their cell phones. Putting all of them into the bag, he hoisted the unconscious Max over his shoulders, and carried him out into the street.

After taking a few steps, he saw that the lead triad was staggering down the street, his leg apparently injured from the fall he'd had out the window. Grabbing one of the guns out of the bag, Carlos pointed it at the triad. "Oi, dickwad!" he yelled. The triad turned around fast enough to widen his eyes in shock. Carlos fired off two rounds, putting the man down in the middle of the street. He then rushed over to the car on the street he guessed was theirs, and loaded Max in. Finding the keys, he started it up, and drove off.

* * *

"Cur! Enslaver of women!" Kuno yelled, taking a swipe at the boy, and instead slicing a tree in half.

"Hey, get a grip!" Ranma yelled back, leaping aside. Turning to Nabiki, he glared. "What the hell did you tell him?"

"Nothing, really. Eyes front, Ranma-kun."

"Wah!" the boy wailed, dodging another blow.

"I shall fell you! I shall free her!" the kendoist raged, swinging with more and more strikes.

Ranma dodged each one. "Oh, so if you lose, you'll forget about her, right?" he replied, coming in with a kick.

As Kuno fell back from the blow, a few paper photographs fluttered out of his tunic. Catching one in the air, Ranma's eyes bugged out as he saw what was on it. "What the-"

"An opening!" the kendoist yelled. Striking the boy in the side with his bokken.

Having had enough, and ignoring the pain in his side, Ranma tossed the pictures away, and proceeded to land a series of kicks across the fencer's body. When it was over, the wooden sword stopped just above his face, and Kuno fell to the ground.

"That does it!" Ranma said, clutching his side. "I've had enough of this prick."

Akane, who'd been watching from the start, went up to inspect. "Wow. Each kick his a vulnerable spot. How'd you learn that?"

"Just something pops taught me…" he groaned. Holding up the pictures the kendoist had dropped, he scanned them over. "What I wanna know is how he got THESE," he said, a disturbed look on his face.

Walking up behind him, Akane saw that some of them were of her. "What the-" she said, snatching them. "Why the hell do you have pictures of me, you jerk?"

"Why do I- Kuno had these, dummy!"

Akane turned back to her older sister, who smiles innocently. "Just trying to make a little money on the side."

"My own sister!"

"But don't look at me for those pictures of you, Ranma-kun. I didn't sell him those, though I wish I had."

"What?" he said, picking them up again. "But if you didn't do it, then…" His anger started to build up inside him again. Only one other person could be doing all this. "Dammit, Oyaji! This is the last straw!" Leaping to his feet, and ignoring the pain, he dashed out of the schoolyard.

"Wait, Ranma! We still have class!" Akane called after him, following.

* * *

Leaping over the fence to the Tendo home, Ranma barged in through the door. "Oyaji! Get out here! I found these stupid-" he stopped short when he entered the living room, his mouth gaping open at what he saw.

Both his father and Soun were laying on separate futons, their bodies patched up in numerous places from bruises and cuts. Max was nursing what looked like a wound on his arm. Kasumi was helping both of them to rest.

Forgetting about his little predicament, Ranma slowly stepped forward. "What the hell happened here?"

Noticing Ranma was home, Max turned to speak. "Son – has anything happened today?"

Confused, Ranma tried to answer. "Whadd'ya mean?"

"I mean, did anyone try and attack you today? Did anyone follow you around?"

"No!"

Max let out a breath of relief. "Good. But you need to be on the watch from now on."

Grimacing angrily, Ranma stomped towards his father. "Alright, Oyaji. You'd better tell me what the hell's going on here."

"Later. Let me patch up, and I'll tell you everything. I've just gotta do something first." He stood up, and made his way over to the phone, and, digging out a small piece of paper, picked up the phone, and began to dial, just as the other girls made their way into the room.

"Daddy!" Akane exclaimed. "What happened to you?"

Hearing a ring on the other side, Max waited. After another ring, the other end picked up. The voice said something in Russian.

"I need to speak to Josef. It's urgent."

"Who is this?" the voice asked.

"Tell him it's Max."

A few seconds later, the Russian underboss was on the other end. "How do you do, Max?

"Not so good, sir." Max proceeded to tell him the story, keeping quiet enough not to be heard by the others.

After a few seconds of silence, Josef answered. "That man you described earlier – are you positive that's what he looked like?"

"Yeah. You know him?"

"He's only the most feared triad hitman to ever grace the landscape of China. I'm a bit surprised you haven't heard of him."

"Enlighten me."

"Very well. His name's Kwok Chang; a.k.a. Kwok the Killer, a.k.a. Kwok the Lead-Biter: as rocky as the landscape of China, and as hard as the Great Wall that surrounds it. Apparently, it's impossible to kill the bastard."

Max gripped the phone tighter. "He's caused us quite a bit of trouble in the past," Josef continued. "I hope for your sake he isn't out for your blood. That is all I can tell you."

After a short pause, Max replied, "Thanks." He hung up the phone, and sighed in exasperation.

* * *

Next time: The Caper come to a close!


	7. The Long Bad Friday

Chapter 7

Okay, I feel I owe my readers a little Q&A session.

Q: Where the hell's the new chapter of _Being Alive_?

A: As you all know, it takes me a bit to get the _Being Alive_ chapters going. The next one is one I've been trying to map out for a while now, and it will take a bit to finish. I haven't forgotten the story, but I'm taking my time. So don't worry.

Q: Why are you working on this?

A: None of your business. Read on.

**Chapter 7**

**The Long Bad Friday**

In a small, windowless basement somewhere in town, Max and Carlos each placed a .50 Desert Eagle on the coffee table in front of them. The man sitting on the other side watched as they threw on the other contents of the bag, including jewelry and wads of cash. Looking down at the huge pile of goods in front of him, he reached back behind his chair, grabbed a small, black duffle bag in each hand, and tossed them to each of his customers.

"Knock yourselves out."

He then flipped a switch to his right, turning on a light in the area behind them. Max and Carlos turned around in time to see the contents of the room revealed.

Firearms of all kinds lined the walls; other weapons, boxes of ammo and clips, and various tools were stacked on tables and the floor; and a Japanese flag was plastered along the back of the room.

Max and Carlos looked at each other, then stood up, opening the iron gate door to the room, as the dealer went through his payment.

"Holy…" was all Max could muster. A second later, he and Carlos were rummaging away at the merchandise. Carlos put down his bag, and picked up a nearby bolt-action sniper rifle, putting it to his shoulder.

Max briefly handled a submachine gun before stuffing it into his bag. "You know what I think we're gonna need? Some rope."

"Rope? What the hell for?"

"Just as a necessity," he said, continuing to look around. "You know how Charles Bronson's always got a rope strapped around him in the movies, and he always ends up using it? I have a feeling we're gonna need one later on."

Carlos put down the rifle, and continued to look.

"You sound like a country boy who watches too many movies."

"Well, I _am_ from Georgia," Max replied. "You're basically talking to a half-Irish, half-Japanese kid from the south who camps and hunts regularly, and willfully hangs a Dixie flag in his room next to a Japanese flag."

"You never told me you were actually part Japanese," Carlos said, looking over a handgun.

"My dad's from an Irish family, and runs a barbecue joint; my mom from a Japanese one, and works as a mechanic. Weird, isn't it?"

"Kinda'. So, we're not spending any of our own funds for this stuff?"

"Fortunately, no. But we're still going to have to find a steady source of funding," he responded, taking an assault rifle off the wall. "You know anything about running a business?"

"Well, I do work for a software company. Which reminds me, we need to get a good computer to set some things up."

"Good thing we're in the best place for that," Max said.

* * *

They passed through the front gat to their home, both of them carrying their respective weapon bags, and Carlos hauling brand new computer model in its box.

"I figured we'd better set this up in the basement," Carlos said. "I'd like it if we could keep our work away from prying eyes."

"Good idea," Max replied. "Wait a minute- this place has a basement?"

"Hey, I only found it last night; I'm as surprised a you are."

The two entered the house with their luggage. Ranma jumped up from his spot in front of the TV, and ran up to his old man.

"What took you, old man? What's all that you're carrying-"

Max cut him off as he walked by him. "Dojo, five minutes." He continued into his room, not looking at the boy.

* * *

As Ranma steadily placed his hand on the dojo shoji door, a thought came to mind. Remembering the last time he had come here to meet his father, he scowled. _You ain't gonna fool me with any tripwires or tricks like that again, Oyaji_, he thought. Sliding the door open, he looked at the floor in front of him, finding nothing. Smirking, he walked in, finding his father sitting cross-legged while reading a newspaper.

"What is it this time, Oyaji?"

Max quickly looked up from his paper. "Huh? Oh no you don't!" he yelled, quickly drawing his knife, leaping and tackling the boy to the ground, holding his blade on his son's neck.

"What the hell – ow!" the boy yelped as Max lightly drove the blade into his hand. "Knock that off, punk! When you enter, you let me know what you're doing here! You could' a been someone else. Now, get up!" he said, getting off Ranma, and allowing the boy to stand up.

Ranma nursed the tiny wound as he stood up, but didn't argue. "What'd you call me in here for?"

"I think you have a good idea," Max said. "As you know, yesterday, Tendo and I were ambushed and accosted by a number of Triads who followed us here from China. If they're willing to go after people they don't know, they're most certainly going after anyone involved back there! And that includes you! So you need to be ready!"

"And why exactly are they after us-"

"Not important! The only thing you need to worry about is making sure you don't end up in the slop in one of their little pig farms with the rest of their victims. And to do that, you need to look alive!" Max said, turning around quickly and moving his arm in a tossing motion.

Ranma just barely dodged the knife, and it embedded itself in the wall behind him. A semi-shocked look adorning his face, he turned back to his father, who was now standing right in front of him.

"Not bad; but it still needs more work. Now, let's get down to business: are you ready to do anything for the sake of the art?"

After a second of hesitation, Ranma responded, "Yes."

"Can you keep your head about you when confronted with mind-blowing weirdness at every turn?"

"Yes!"

"Are you ready for anything?"

"Yes!"

After a couple seconds of silence, Max asked him again, "Are you _still_ ready for anything?"

"Ye-"

"Wrong!"

"Augghh!" Ranma yelled in pain, his answer stopped short by the blow of Max's tonfa club to his shin.

"Lesson number one: trust no one! The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of 'em!" As Ranma managed to stand up under the pain, Max went back and fetched something from his duffle bag. "Okay, enough screwing around. You're perfectly set for hand-to-hand combat; but that won't do you much good when you're staring down the business end of a Remington 700 rifle 300 yards away. Here, you'll need this," he said, holding out a handgun.

The young martial artist took the weapon in his hand. It was a revolver, and a rather big one at that. "And what's this?"

"Smith & Wesson .357. A simple weapon I think you'll be able to handle. Keep it on you at all times when you're out, even at school. Keep it concealed, though. Gun laws are pretty strict in this country."

"Screw that! I don't need no stupid gun!" He tried to hand the weapon back; Max immediately swiped it, spun it around in his hand, and pointed it at the boy's crotch.

"Oh, really? What's gonna save you from a little predicament like this, then?" he said, pushing the barrel against his son's pants.

Ranma's jaw clenched, and he swallowed hard, attempting to keep his expression crisp. He watched his father scoff.

"Didn't think so," he said, spinning the gun around, holding the handle out to his son. "Keep it on you. You likely won't have to use it, but that's never a sure thing."

After moment of hesitation, Ranma finally took the gun. Just when he realized he had nowhere to put it, his father spoke up. "You'll find a holster and ammunition in our room on your futon. Keep it under the floorboards while we're at home, and don't mind the other things."

Ranma looked at his old man. "What do you mean, 'other things?'" He thought for a second, and turned to walk away. "On second thought, I don't need to know."

* * *

"Okay, so how exactly do these things work?" asked the blonde juvenile ninja as he held the small piece in his hand.

Kakashi, who sat in the driver's seat of their stolen car, took the gun from his friend's hand. "Here," he said pulling back the slide. "This puts a bullet in the chamber, and this button here releases the magazine. It's pretty simple."

Naruto took the gun back. "Well, excuse me for not being able to figure out these damn things."

"Whatever. Sasuke, have you got the weapon I gave you?"

The black-haired boy pulled out a sawed-off pump-action shotgun from behind the seat. "Yeah, I got it. And I know how it works already."

"Good. Now, we just wait for the guy to enter the shop," he said, looking at the small, barely noticeable jewelry trader across the street from where they were parked.

* * *

A Chinese man carrying a briefcase stood on a street corner. He'd been ordered to lay low with the stolen merchandise by Kwok, and was awaiting further instructions. He thought he could hear arguing from a small car parked just up the street from where he was standing, but he paid it no mind. Seeing a nearby food stand, he walked over to order something.

* * *

"How are we supposed to even know what he looks like?" the blonde asked.

"Look, she said that he was an older, balding man who'd be carrying a briefcase. Not too hard to spot."

"Are you kidding me? At least one balding man walks by here every few minutes!"

"They aren't all carrying briefcases. So, just shut up."

Naruto pulled his gun. "Don' tell me to-"

"Hey! Both of you shut up! Look!" the black-haired ninja said, pointing."

They all looked across the street to see a man, briefcase in hand, walking into the shop.

"Was that him?"

"I don't know. Was he bald?"

"How the hell could I tell? He was wearing a hat!"

"Look, no more hesitation. Let's start the show!"

Both Naruto and Sasuke stepped out of the car, hiding their perspective weapons inside their coats before pulling down ski masks over their head. Naruto carried a duffle bag as well, and they headed for the shop entrance.

Inside the shop, Naruto held his handgun on the female shop keep, who raised her hands in the air behind the counter.

"All right. If you know what's good for you, you'll load everything into this bag!" he said, throwing his duffle bag on the counter.

"Okay, okay," the woman said, opening the cases.

"Sasuke, everything all right?"

"Yeah, I got him!" the other ninja said, his shotgun trained on the older man, who was on his knees.

"Good, grab the case!" He turned back to the woman, who was holding the bag out for him to take.

"What the hell are you doing? Load it up!"

The woman gulped before speaking again. "That's all there is."

"What?" he said before grabbing the bag and looking inside.

"A truck from another dealer came by this morning and loaded up all the merchandise. All we've got left are-"

"-some crappy stones and silver!" the boy finished. "Not one lousy diamond!" Throwing the bag back on the counter, he pointed his gun at her again. "Put in all the cash you've got!"

The woman went to the register, and threw in about 8,000 yen before handing it back. "Sorry," she said, "we don't carry more than 10,000 in our register at any time. And the safe was cleaned out by our boss yesterday…"

The blonde began to get red in the small amount of face that was visible through his ski mask. "Damn it all!" he yelled, grabbing the bag from her. He continued to point his gun at her, and moved closer. "I ought' a put one in you right now!" The woman began to cry.

"Dammit! Naruto!"

"What the hell do you want, already?"

"We got the wrong guy! There's only a bunch of papers in this damn case!"

"What are you talking about? There's supposed to be some big piece of merchandise!"

"I told 'ya, he's the wrong guy!"

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" the boy yelled as he stomped his feet. "Is anything at all gonna go right today? I'm gonna chew that bitch out when we see her again! C'mon!"

They both left the shop, and hurried back to their car.

* * *

Throwing his trash into a nearby can, the Chinese man walked back to the corner. Looking around, he still noticed the noises coming from the car just up the street.

He also noticed a jewelry shop across the street. Feeling bored, he began to cross the street.

* * *

"You guys got it all?" Kakashi asked.

"No, we don't!" the blonde retorted. "That shop had practically nothing! And the guy with the briefcase had nothing, either! All we got was this crap!" he said, throwing the bag to his friend.

"You're kidding me," the taller one said, looking in the bag.

"Does it look like I'm kidding you?"

"Forget it," Kakashi said, grabbing the wheel. "Let's just get out of here; we'll deal with that woman later!" Putting the car into reverse, and without looking back, he began to back up at a high speed He stopped when the car hit something.

"What the hell was that?" he said, looking back and seeing nothing.

Naruto and Sasuke got out, and found an unconscious, balding man with a briefcase lying on the ground.

"Shit! How bad is he hurt?" the blonde asked.

"Who cares? We gotta go now!"

"Wait, look!" the boy said, pointing at the ground.

Lying next to the man was an open briefcase, which revealed the contents: a large, golden idol in the shape of a monkey.

"Holy…" Sasuke said, looking at it admiringly.

"Grab it, moron!" Naruto said, slapping him over the head.

Shaking his head, the boy reached down, closed the case, and hauled it into the car.

"Go, Kakashi, get us outta' here!"

The car sped off down the street, leaving dark tire marks.

* * *

Down in the dojo's rather large basement, Max and Carlos were going through their weapons; field-stripping, counting ammo, and loading magazines. Both were wearing black suits with trench coats.

"So, are you sure about this meeting?" Carlos asked.

Putting down his pistol, Max replied. "The page said the meeting would commence at this place. I don't see why they'd lie." The page had come from one of the pagers they'd taken from the two thugs they killed.

"Why the hell would they still be using pagers in this day and age?"

"Keeping a low profile – no one can overhear 'em that way. Let's go."

Clutching their duffle bags, they both headed upstairs and out the door, closing it behind them.

* * *

Nabiki sat at her window, watching them go. She'd glimpsed what they were doing in the basement, and was wondering what the newcomer had planned. Before he had arrived, her father had never acted this way; she planned to get to the bottom of who these new freeloaders were.

Her phone rang, and she picked it up. "Hello?" she said. She took her ear away, holding the phone at arm's length as she was hit with a barrage of yells from the other end. "Ow! What the hell's wrong with you? Just calm down!" A few words later, her eyes perked up. "Did you get it? Tell me you got it!" Another few seconds passed. "All right, all right! I'll take care of it! Just get to the rendezvous, and wait there for me!" She slammed the phone down, and let out a sigh of frustration. "Dammit, is anything gonna go smoothly today?"

* * *

In some office building across town, Max and Carlos had donned black ski masks, and were standing above the opening to a ventilator system, each with a duffle bag and long sling of black rope. Carlos shook his head as Max handed him his share. Slowly, they lowered themselves in, and pulled the hatch over behind them.

* * *

Five minutes later…

Max and Carlos were sitting on the floor of a large leisure room, surrounded by the dead bodies of triads, all of whom were wearing suits, and sporting at least one bullet wound apiece. Blood was splattered on parts of the wall where rather nasty exit wounds had occurred.

"Unbelievable. That's the last time I listen to your plans!" Carlos said, pulling his mask off.

"Hey, shut up! I didn't know there'd be ten of 'em, the page only hinted at around five! And besides – just who was it that said we'd have no need for rope, huh?" He pointed above them to a giant hole in the ceiling, from where they had fallen through when the ventilator gave in. Luckily, the rope they were carrying caught them, and held them hanging upside down long enough to draw their weapons and lay waste to the triads.

"All right, I'll give you that," he said, standing up and dusting himself off. He spied a small, fiber case sitting on the nearby counter. "Hey, what's this?" Opening it, he found it was full of cash. "Oh, score!"

"What'd you find?"

"More money for us to take off their hands."

"Good! Things are looking up for us. Now, let's search the place for the idol."

Their search turned up nil, and they regrouped. "You think it's that Kwok guy who has it?" Carlos asked.

"I'm not sure. He gave it to one of the other guys before he left. We'll only be able to find out once we've gotten rid of all of them. We can interrogate the last one."

"And just how are we gonna kill Kwok? Didn't your Russian friend say he was ex-Red Army, Commando Division? Killed fifty Tibetan rebels, or something?"

"Fifty-four," Max corrected him. "But that doesn't matter. They say he's impossible to trace, so we'll let him come to us. Once we get rid of all these others, it'll only be a matter of time."

* * *

Inside the shed at Furinkan High, Nabiki frowned at the words she was being told. "What the hell are you all saying?"

"We're saying," the black-haired ninja said, "that there was practically nothing at the shop! They were cleaned out!"

"We're lucky we found the guy with the case as it is!" the yellow-haired one said.

Sighing in frustration, Nabiki reached into her purse, and pulled out a thick wad of cash. "All right. Here's the 100,000 yen I offered as a starter. Take it, and give me the contents of that case."

"Forget it," Sasuke said. "That part of the deal is over. We want this!" he said, pulling out the idol for everyone to see. "At least half of it, I mean."

"Look," Nabiki said, "what was in the case was mine. What was in the jewelry store was yours. So there wasn't much in the jewelry store – big deal! I'm giving you a cash compensation. Don't try to go back on this."

"To hell with you!" Sasuke snarled. "We're the ones with the advantage here!" An explosion of smoke followed, filling the whole shack. Nabiki coughed up as she heard the three storm out.

"Shit!" she yelled as she tried to wave off the smoke. Walking outside, she saw they were nowhere to be seen.

* * *

On the other side of the school, the three ninja-wannabes walked up the sidewalk.

"That bitch thought she could cheat us into a bum deal while she walked away with the real goods," Sasuke said. "Well, we showed her!"

Kakashi had a tiny magnifying glass out, and was inspecting the idol. "These diamonds are real – and the gold is plenty pure, too! She said this thing wouldn't be worth much."

"Shows you what she had in mind for us-"

Turning a corner, they stopped dead in their tracks when they nearly ran head on into a large man in a business suit. Taller than any of them, his face bore a goatee and many scars. He smiled lightly at them.

"I'll be taking that, boys," he said, pointing to the idol. "If you know what's good for you, you'll hand it over right now."

Sasuke and Naruto both took up combat positions. "Go to hell, old man! Like you can take us!"

"Yeah!" Naruto followed up.

* * *

Hearing a few screams around the corner, Nabiki ran as fast as she could. She turned the corner just in time to see a large man walking away, idol in hand, down the street. Looking just in front of her, she saw the three ninjas lying on the sidewalk, beaten rather soundlessly.

"Damn," she muttered to herself, turning back in the other direction. "Looks like this is gonna be harder than I thought."

* * *

"Are you sure that's what happened?" Tony said into his cell phone as he drove down the road. "Okay," he said, frowning. "Thanks." He flipped the phone shut.

"What's the story?" Avi asked from his seat.

"Bad news, I'm afraid," the Brit said, turning a corner. "Our friend Ryo is no more."

"No more?"

"There was a rather nasty butchering in a sales building not far from here. They found him in pieces in a bathtub filled with his own blood."

Avi turned away. "Yikes."

"Looks like he met the ones who had your merchandise. But our dear boys the triads got to 'im first. I can see they mean business."

"Damn straight, they do. Anti-Semite bastards, goin' all around the world and stealing artifacts we ought'a be stealing!"

"Anti-Semite? Avi, they're Chinese!"

"Yeah, that don't make much of a difference. They're this fuckin' close to the Arab world, and they had a long lasting relationship with the Russians. Commie bastards are all the same."

"Either way," Tony said, giving him a look, "there's more to it than that. My friend's given me more information; a nearby jewelry store got blagged earlier today."

"'Blagged'? Tony, how many times am I gonna have to fuckin' tell you, speak normal English!"

"Whatever. 'Robbed'. It's a fair chance whoever had this thing might've been at a place like this."

"So we find the punks who did it. Do we know who they are?"

"All we know is they're three young droogs wearing jumpsuits, and sporting weird hairstyles and head ornaments."

Avi sneered. "That seems to be the make-up of this whole goddamned country. Just look at what these people wear!" he said, looking out his window.

"Exactly, which is why we might have to do quite a bit of…searching to…" He trailed off, his eyes catching something down the street. "Allo, what's this?"

"What, whadd'ya…" Avi said, turning in the same direction Tony was looking. "Oh…"

Right in front of them, on the right sidewalk, were three staggering boys in jumpsuits, all battered and bruised.

* * *

While the other two were locked together in the trunk of their auto, Tony held Naruto over the dashboard, his Desert Eagle planted on the boy's temple.

"I told you, I don't know anything el-"

Tony pressed his gun down harder.

"Alright, alright! She hired us to take it from this jeweler!"

"And who took it from you?" Avi asked, leaning in closer.

"We don't know, some big Chinese guy. Lots of scars on his face."

"Gimme a name."

"We don't know-"

A harder press. "Don't make this worse."

"We don't know! All we heard was his name was Kwok, or something!"

At this name, Tony's face went white. "Kwok the Killer?"

Feeling he was getting somewhere, Naruto nodded.

"As in 'Kwok the Lead-Biter'?" Tony asked further.

Avi stood up. "Why the hell do they call him the 'lead-biter'"

Tony slowly turned to look at him. "Because he bites lead, Avi. Literally."

He shook his head. "Mother of God. Look, let's just drop these punks and get the hell after this Chink bastard."

* * *

Nabiki watched from a nearby building roof as the giant gaijin tossed the three fake ninjas back into the street, and drove off with his client.

"Interesting," she said as they drove off. "Very interesting."

* * *

Carlos threw their remaining gear into the back of the van, and slammed the doors shut. "So, where to now?"

"Not sure," Max answered, getting in on the passenger's side. "I've gotta call in their next page. It came only a few minutes ago."

Carlos got in the driver's seat, slammed his door, and turned the key. "That's ten in there, plus the five back at the ambush; fifteen killed so far."

"If only we knew how many they had to start with," Max quipped as they began to drive away.

* * *

"Those bastards!" Sasuke growled, rubbing himself off. The trunk of the small car had been rather cramped with Kakashi in there with him. "And they took our guns, too! What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Don't worry," Naruto said, coming up behind him. "I found a shop that actually sells them, and got us a few." He pulled out a brown paper bag, and handed each of them a small pistol.

Sasuke looked at the weapon skeptically. "I could've sworn that chick said these things were illegal here. How could they be selling them at a shop?"

"Hey, she already lied to us once before. C'mon, we have to get some wheels, and find that Chinese gorilla!"

* * *

"Fuckin' Maoist thugs," Avi said as they drove down the road. "We've been fightin' these bastards for years. And now, one of em' has the balls to steal my goods. So, how're we gonna find him, Tony?"

The Brit paused for a second, taking a deep breath. "He's ex-People's Army Special Forces. He's killed at least a hundred rebels in Tibet. Speaks several languages, and has contacts all over. He'll be impossible to trace."

"This is all starting to give me a little deja vu," the old man replied. "Well, he can't be far, so let's look for him. How hard can he be to spot, anyway?"

Tony turned to look at his companion. "Fine, Avi. But, suppose that we do find this man. How do you propose we subdue him, much less get the merchandise back?"

"Hello, Tony? That's your fucking department!"

"Well, then I ought'a tell ya – I'm not exactly looking forward to the idea of –

Avi turned back to the windshield. "Jesus Christ, look out!"

Tony slammed on the brakes, but not soon enough to avoid hitting the man in front of them. The impact sent him a good five feet back.

"Shit. We gotta go, step on it." When the car didn't move, Avi spoke up again. "What the hell are you waiting for? We can't be caught with this problem here, just go!"

"Shut it!" Tony said, holding his hand out while taking a good look at the man he instantly recognized. "Kwok?"

Avi turned to gaze at him as well. Both men exited the vehicle, and walked up to the man, who was beginning to stir. Tony immediately put him out with a hook to the skull.

"Good work, Tony!" Avi said, beginning to search the large man. "C'mon, where is it, where is it…" Finally finding something deep in his jacket, he pulled it out, holding the idol in his hand. "Sneaky Chinese bastard…"

* * *

"Shit!" Naruto said from the passenger's seat of their car. They were a number of yards behind the men they were following. "He's got the idol, an' they're puttin' him in the trunk!"

"So, what the hell do we do?" Sasuke asked.

"We follow 'em," Kakashi answered for him. "When they stop, we can ambush them, and make them give it to us. They won't be expecting it."

* * *

Up ahead, in the van, Max was still checking out the stolen pager.

"How long does it take to get a message out of one of those things?" Carlos asked.

"How should I know, they're using some kind of code combination to unlock it. Hold on, I almost got it." Pressing a few more buttons, he said, "This should probably lead us to the last of them."

"Hopefully," Carlos said. "I'm tired of dealing with these guys. I wanna get tow work on our other ideas."

"In good time. Naturally, we have to clean up this mess first."

* * *

Just behind them, Tony drove while Avi continued to inspect the idol. "All right, so whadd'ya wanna do with the Chinaman?"

"What the hell do you think? I want'cha to bury the motherfucker."

"How do ya' wanna do it? Shoot 'im?"

"That's still a bit noisy, ain't it?"

"Fine. We'll stab him."

"Isn't that a little messy?"

"Do you wanna kill him, or not?"

* * *

"Just where the hell did you get these things anyway, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, looking over his new gun.

"Just some place I saw in the shopping district. It was part Surplus, so I figured it made sense."

"I'm just wondering – that chick talked about the laws, and how hard it was to get a gun around here."

"Hell that place had plenty of guns! They weren't a problem. What I didn't understand was why they didn't sell any bullets there."

Sasuke looked up at his partner. "What the hell did you say?"

"I said, they didn't have any bullets. Kinda' weird, if you think about it. Maybe that's why they have a low crime rate. Plenty of guns, not enough bullets. Doesn't matter, though, 'cause we got enough left."

Sasuke looked at his gun one more time. "Have you even tried these things? How the hell do we know they'll work?"

"why would a shop like that sell us guns that didn't work? They looked to be doing pretty well-"

"Will both of you shut up?" Kakashi yelled. "I need concentration to stay far enough behind so that they don't notice-"

"Holy – LOOK OUT!"

They all yelled as their car collided head-on with a man standing in the middle of the street.

* * *

"Just how many others do you think are in here with us?" Carlos said, keeping his eye on the road.

"Whadd'ya mean by that?" Max responded, drinking a milkshake.

"I mean, look at us. We're both in the manga, as different characters. Whatever's doing this, I honestly don't think it's done. I'd expect a few more to appear, at least."

"Really? And just who else in the manga is due for a mind-change?"

"Clearly the unpopular ones, judging by our situation," he answered.

"Well, I guess that leaves Mousse, and maybe Kuno. Although, I really don't see that happening. Besides, it'd be a shame if Ranma doesn't get to beat him up any more." His cup half empty, and no longer feeling thirsty, he tossed the shake out the window. A second later, they heard a splat, followed by a car swerve, and a crash. They both looked back through the windshield, then at each other.

"Whoops," they said in unison.

* * *

"So, you gonna help me do it?" Tony asked.

"Me? Oh, no, hell no. I ain't gettin' blood all over these clothes. Besides, I wouldn't know how to do it."

"Please, Avi, it's only so easy. A corpse can be divided into six equal pieces to make it easier to transport, or, in this case, get rid of. Helps if you keep pigs, actually."

"Oh, like I really needed to know _that_! Jesus!"

"What are you so queasy 'bout? Don't tell me you've never encountered this kind'a job before-"

He was cut off by a milkshake cup splattering all over his windshield. He swerved to avoid traffic, and crashed the car into a mailbox.

* * *

A number of minutes later, a banging noise, as well as Chinese profanities, began to come from the trunk; something was knocking on it from the inside. Finally, after a final knock, the door flew open; and out walked the tall Chinese man, bound at his hands, and wearing a bag over his head.

Inside their car, Tony and Avi sat up from the crash, checking themselves for injuries. Catching something out of the corner of his eye, Avi saw their captive standing in the middle of the street, blinded by the bag over his head. Tapping his partner on the shoulder, he pointed. "Is that Kwok?"

They watched him step around for another second before another car, speeding down the road, collided with the man.

All three boys looked out their windows. "Oh, Kakashi, what the hell have you done?" Sasuke said.

"Sshh!" Naruto quipped. "Both of you shut up! Everyone's looking at us!"

Sure enough, a whole crowd of civilians had gathered, and was surrounding both cars in their respective positions.

Sasuke spotted the men exiting their car. "Hey! They're getting' out!"

"Okay," Kakashi said, raising his gun. "We follow 'em, quietly. Let's go." Getting out of their car, they followed the men into a restaurant.

* * *

Inside the nearly empty restaurant, Tony and Avi stopped to catch their breath. "Okay," the older man said, "I'm going to clean up. You do what you have to do to get us another ride outta' here."

"Fair enough," Tony said, watching him leave. He then headed to the back, looking for the phone, and passing by a table with the only other customers.

Carlos watched the larger man pass them, then went back to his drink. "So, any update on that page yet?"

"Yeah," Max responded, looking through a newspaper. "They're gonna ambush Ranma on his way home from school."

Carlos nearly spit out his drink. "Huh?"

"Relax, they're not gonna strike for another hour or so. Plus, I gave him that magnum. I was hoping for a situation where he'd have to use it to come up."

"Did they mention how many of them there were?"

"They've got six waiting on the order. They think everyone else is still alive, and that we're dead. Those ten guys we wasted were supposed to kill us later. All we have to do is finish these guys, and we're home free."

"Don't forget that Kwok guy," Carlos said as he stood up. "I'm gonna find the john."

Max watched him walk off, then went back to his paper.

* * *

About a block away, Nabiki watched through her set of binoculars as her three ex-employees followed the rest of the crew into the diner. Lowering them, she sighed.

"Dammit. Those guys aren't going to be able to achieve anything. If they were to get it somehow, I could steal it from them a lot easier than from the others. But they're such idiots…I wish something would come along and cause enough chaos for me to just grab it-"

She stopped talking when she noticed a particularly large man, with a heavily scarred face and a number of bruises, pass her; he was holding a large, menacing assault rifle with a grenade launcher attached, and letting out an occasional Chinese obscenity.

She smiled to herself. "Things just might work out after all."

* * *

Stepping inside, the three fake ninjas looked around for their targets. "Where are they?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe they're in the back," Kakashi said. "We should check."

"Hey! Over there!" Sasuke said in a whisper, pointing to a table. "Isn't that the guy who had the thing in the first place? That chick described him to us!"

"So?"

"So, he probably hired those guys to get it back for him! I bet he's got it on him right now!"

After a second, the other two nodded. "All right," Kakashi said as the trio pulled down their ski masks. "Let's do it."

As they walked over to the table, Naruto pointed his weapon at the bartender, who ducked under the counter and didn't surface. Then, they all pointed their guns at Max as he continued to read his paper. A second later, he looked up, getting a look at them.

"I'm only gonna say this once," Sasuke said, aiming his weapon. "You'd better give us what we want, or we'll be painting the walls with what little guts you've got."

Max took a good, long stare at the boy. "I know you…"

"Shoot him already!" Naruto said to his partner. Before Sasuke could return his eyes to their captive, Max grabbed hold of the hand that held the gun. Sasuke struggled, but Naruto came forward with his own pistol. "Let him go!"

Max sneaked a peek at the gun Sasuke was holding, then let go. The three returned to their position as Max laid back in his chair.

"So," he said, "you guys are supposed to be ninjas."

All three of them glanced at each other before returning to Max, who continued. "You come from a place where being a ninja means wearing a pansy orange jumpsuit and lame head ornament, and performing techniques best found in a French circus. Life sounds great for you guys; but, apparently, not great enough. So you come here, to this world, to see what it's like to finally hold the gun."

"These are your last words, pal! Make 'em count!" Sasuke said.

Max continued, as though he hadn't heard him. "Now, most punks who go for guns get their ideas from shitty gangster movies and role-playing games. They don't know anything about how one works: they just assume it works like magic. And that's exactly what you guys thought: you just go out and buy some guns, and the world is at your mercy. But you've got your parties messed up. You won't scare people with those things; you'll just get laughed at before having your legs broken. You guys don't know jack shit about those things in your hands. Look at you," he said, noticing their fearful aura. "You all know it, too. And the fact that you've got MODELGUN written down the sides of your pieces…"

All three ninjas looked at their guns: sure enough, the word MODELGUN was printed very clearly. They all slowly returned their gaze to Max, who was reaching into his jacket. "And the fact that I've got SPRINGFIELD ARMORY 1911 LONGSLIDE written on the side of mine…" he said putting his pistol on the table for them to see, "only proves my point. Now," he said, picking up his paper, "fuck off."

After a few seconds of hesitation, the trio were headed towards the back room. They entered a hallway that led to the bathrooms, and Sasuke locked the door behind them.

"Dude, forget it, let's just bail," he said.

The others were about to comply when Avi walked out of the bathroom, clutching the case in his hands. The fake ninjas all aimed their modelguns at him. "Give us the case!" Sasuke yelled.

Avi sneered at them. "Fuck you," he said. "Shoot me!"

Naruto pulled back on the slide of his gun in a feeble attempt at intimidation when the door on the other end of the hall opened up: in walked a battered and bruised Kwok, armed with a large, fully-loaded assault rifle. Glancing at Avi, he said "Hand me the case. Or, I shoot you!"

"You know what? Fuck you, too!" the Jewish man replied. "Go ahead and shoot me, you commie fuck, you'll be doin' me a favor!"

Outside the hall, Tony had just hung up from his call for a ride, and was walking past the table where Max sat when he heard the voices on the other side of the wall. Drawing his Desert Eagle, he yanked back the slide to chamber a round.

Back in the hall, Kwok turned to the ninjas. "You three; drop guns."

"Fuck you!" Sasuke replied. The three aimed their modelguns at him.

"Okay…" he said, aiming his assault rifle.

"Avi?" Tony called from outside the hall. "Pull your socks up!"

Avi immediately dove to the ground, and he was followed by Sasuke and Naruto. Kwok, however, wasn't so lucky, and one of eight 50-caliber slugs from a barrage struck him in the head. Kakashi, in a botched attempt to avoid a bullet, twisted his ankle, and crumbled to the ground.

After the shooting ended, Sasuke and Naruto looked back at their partner. "To hell with it- we're outta' here!" They both got up and bolted for the door, Sasuke grabbing the case on their way out.

Kicking the door open, Tony walked inside, jamming a new mag into his weapon. Looking around, he spotted Avi on the floor. "Avi? Where the hell's the case?"

"Put the gun away," the old man said.

Seeing that the man he had struck in the head was still writhing around on the floor, he inquired again. "What's Kwok doing here?" He walked over to the wounded man. "Kwok – what _are_ you doing here?"

His response was another Chinese obscenity. Tony responded by putting two more rounds in him. He then walked over to the injured Kakashi. "Where the hell's the case?"

More Chinese vulgarities brought his attention back to Kwok, who was still alive. "Don't take the piss, Kwok," he said.

When the man began to crawl towards him, Tony fired four more bullets at him. He turned back to Kakashi again, until he heard Kwok shout "Fuck you!"

Tony fired another round at him. Kwok still wasn't done: "Agghh, you British bastard are going to get it…"

"For fuck's sake…" Tony said, taking careful aim, and putting one final round in the Chinese man's head. Kwok finally collapsed to the floor, not moving. He turned his attention to the punk ninja, who was cowering in the corner. He pointed his gun down at him.

"Fuck you an' all," he said, pulling the trigger. When only a _click_ resonated, he shook his head, and walked towards the door. "You _lucky_ bastard…"

* * *

Ranma sighed as he walked home from school. Akane had stayed behind to finish cleaning duty, and Nabiki had not been present today for some reason. So, he was on his own.

He'd felt a bit uncomfortable keeping the gun on him, which he'd done throughout the school day, and still had on him. He never really saw himself having to use it.

"I still don't know why I have this thing," he said to himself, spying the shoulder holster beneath his shirt. "Me? Need a stupid gun? Please."

A few minutes and paces later, he felt the presence of others. Taking a quick peek back, he spotted someone in a business suit walking a number of paces behind him. He could swear the person was watching him; nonetheless, he decided to keep walking.

A few minutes later, they were walking through a residential neighborhood, and the man was still following him, at the same distance as before. Ranma finally decided he would confront the man rather than ditching him. Turning around, he began to stomp towards him, when the man jumped behind a nearby post box.

"Huh?" was all Ranma could say to himself before he felt it: the auras of at least five other men in the area, all accompanied by the sound of weapons cocking.

Diving to the ground, Ranma whipped out the revolver from inside his shirt, and, in a twisting motion while on his back, whirled around with the magnum in his hand, dodging bullets fired from different spots around him, while simultaneously firing off six shots.

Within a few seconds, it was over. He laid in the dust, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. Looking up and around, he saw six bodies, all of them men in business suits. The one who'd been following him, one from behind a bush, two from the roof of a house, and two from up in a tree. A woman who'd been jogging had ducked during the whole ordeal, and stared in horror at one of the bodies before running off in terror.

"What the hell?" he said to himself, looking at the bodies, then at his empty revolver. "This is what Oyaji was talking about. Guess he was right…"

"Man, I didn't think you were capable of that yet."

Ranma turned to see his father and Soun standing right behind him. "Not bad, son," he continued. "Real impressive. You're learning faster than I thought you would."

"Whatever," Ranma replied. "I never wanted to fight these guys anyway. Just how many more of 'em are we gonna have to fight?"

"That's actually the last of them," Max replied. "You just killed them."

Ranma scoffed. "Well, I still wanna know just how this happened-"

He was cut off by Max's cell phone. Max answered, and talked on the line for a few minutes while the others waited. Hanging up, he turned to Soun. "Josef wants us to help him with the triad problem now that we're out of trouble. Wants us to pay him a visit."

"Hold it, Oyaji," Ranma said. "You're not goin' anywhere without telling me first!"

Max sighed. "You remember that golden monkey idol I found while we were still in China?"

Ranma nodded. "Well, these are Chinese mainland triads, and followed us here, intending to get it back. But we don't have to worry about that anymore, so you can relax. We'll see you at home," he said, turning to leave.

Ranma watched his father and his friend leave, then turned to leave himself. _Dammit, Oyaji…just what are you up to, anyway?_

* * *

Back inside their car, Naruto held the idol in his hands, inspecting it closely.

"Man, it's completely flawless!"

"Well, put it back in the case already. We're getting out of town this instant."

"What about Kakashi? He's our driver, isn't he?"

"What about him? He'll be fine. We'll contact him later, once we've gotten this to safety. C'mon, start the car-"

A tapping noise on the passenger side window made them freeze in horror. They turned to see Tony holding his large handgun on the window.

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity," he said. "Outta' the car, both o' ya'."

Locking the idol in the case, the two jumped out of the car. "Go to hell, you English prick!" Sasuke sneered. "You know what? We never needed these stupid gun things in the first place! Naruto!" he said, throwing his useless modelgun away.

"Right!" the other ninja agreed, doing the same. "You're really gonna get it now!" They both took up their perspective martial arts stances, and, with a final cry of rage, leapt at the man.

Tony just smiled, and cracked his knuckles.

* * *

Avi looked up from his act of cleaning blood off his shoe when he heard pain-filled screams from around the corner. Finishing his work, he walked down the sidewalk from the back door of the restaurant, until he saw Tony coming around the corner, briefcase in hand.

"Tony…what the hell was all that?"

"Don't worry about it," he said, shoving the case back into Avi's arms. "They won't be a problem any longer. Let's just get back to the airport so we can get this deal finalized."

"Amen."

Before they could continue walking, though, they stopped, noticing something in their way: a rather large Doberman, baring its teeth at them.

"Oh, hell no. Not another fuckin' dog!" Avi said. "Tony – shoot this damn thing before it does anything!"

The man looked at his client. "What the hell are you talkin' about? I can't just shoot a dog in broad daylight! It belongs ta' someone!"

"It's here to get our merchandise, just like last time! If you're not gonna shoot it, I will!" Putting down the case. he grabbed Tony's gun from out of his jacket, and aimed it at the dog. "Okay, dog! Get lost or it's a nice serving of 50-caliber for lunch!"

"God dammit, Avi-"

He was too preoccupied to notice that a particular someone, riding a scooter at top speed, had snatched up the case. When he saw the scooter speeding off, he forgot the dog, and fired after it, emptying the clip. Of course, the gun was too powerful for him, and the rounds went everywhere. One bullet ricocheted off a nearby dumpster, and found its way back to them. After the scooter was gone, and the dog had run off, Avi threw the gun to the ground in frustration. "Son of a bitch! I hate this country! Let's go, Tony, we can still catch that bastard! C'mon-"

He stopped cold when he turned to look at his partner. His jaw dropped.

"Tony?"

For the next few seconds, he let it sink in.

"Oh, shit…"

* * *

Later that day, Avi got on the next flight to New York. Fourteen hours later, he stopped at customs.

"Do you have anything to declare?" the customs officer asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Don't go to Japan."

* * *

Nabiki smiled to herself as she sped down the road, case in hand. It had cost her plenty to train that dog, and she didn't know if she would ever have to use it. But it had been well worth it. Now, she had the idol to herself, and the freeloading friend of her father would never know.

She was so lost in her thoughts she failed to notice a car speeding right in front of her. The driver slammed on the brakes, but still managed to buck into the scooter, which sent it out of control, and sent the briefcase flying from her hand, where it landed, and opened, on the sidewalk…right in front of Max and Carlos, who were passing by.

Looking down, Max hardly believed his eyes. "No way," he said, picking up the idol.

"Where'd that come from?" Carlos asked.

"Not sure," Max replied, looking around. "Either way, we've got it back. Still, I think it attracts too much trouble."

"You're probably right."

"We'll find a way to get rid of it while we're in China." Stuffing it into his jacket, Max stole a glance at the fallen Nabiki across the street, and winked at her before heading down the road.

The girl grimaced as she stood up, feeling angrier than ever before. _Who the hell is this man, and what is he doing in my house?_ She narrowed her eyes as they disappeared down the street. _Don't think I'm done with you, old freak_.

* * *

A few steps up the street, they came across something else.

"Holy…" was all Carlos could say.

"Hey, I know this guy!" Max said, looking at the body.

"Who?"

"He's from a movie – his name's Bullet-Tooth Tony. But I thought he got killed."

"Well, now he's certainly-"

They both nearly jumped when the man began to stir.

"I don't believe it – he's not dead! This is awesome!" Max said.

'Whadd'ya mean?" Carlos asked.

"We can use a guy like him. He'd make an excellent negotiator for our business when we get it started. C'mon, help me get him up, we'll call a cab."

Carlos did so, and Max called over a taxi. The man in their arms was starting to regain consciousness. "A…Avi…"

"Avi?" Max said, letting it sink in. "Avi's…gone. He left when this happened. But it's okay. We want you to work for us. Don't worry about the money, we can pay plenty."

Tony tried to speak, but Max stopped him. "Don't worry about it, we're just gonna get you to a hospital. We'll talk about it later."

* * *

After a short flight, Max and Carlos had landed in China. Before they headed to meet up with the Russians, though, they decided to stop at a local jeweler Josef had recommended them to. They both sat in the man's office as he inspected the idol with a tiny magnifying glass.

After a few more seconds of silence, Max spoke up. "So, what do you think? You know anyone who might be interested?"

Putting down his magnifying glass and the idol, Ting patted down his skullcap, and looked at his customers.

"I might."

He then went to his phone, and began to dial.

* * *

The next day, Avi got on the plane, and headed to China to collect his merchandise.

* * *

Back in Nerima, at the local hospital, Kakashi sat next to two hospital beds, nursing his injured leg. Both Naruto and Sasuke occupied the beds. They were bandaged up on all limbs, and had sashes over their eyes.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Kakashi asked a passing nurse. "What happened here?"

"We found these two up the street, in pretty awful conditon." She then pointed to a pair of buckets that held their perspective jumpsuits, hood ornaments, and kunai. "We pumped all this from their stomachs."

Kakashi could only gape in horror.

* * *

Well, that's the end of the caper arc. We'll be moving along smoother from here on out.

Next time: New friends?


	8. Forbidden Techniques

**Oyaji**

**Chapter 8**

**Forbidden Techniques**

Max had never been paid so much in one day. As he sat across from Josef's desk in his sleek, old-style office, he smiled to himself.

He and Carlos had just helped lead an operation by the Russian mafia to wipe out the rest of the mainland triads. A few assaults and air strikes later, it was over. Their opium fields were burned, their weapon and supply caches looted, and the rest of their buildings leveled. Max had stolen a few antique weapons for himself, and Carlos had grabbed some things as well. Just after they had finished, though, Avi had arrived in China, and paid them a good sum for the idol. And more money was just about to be put in the bank.

"My deepest thanks, Mr. Saotome," Josef said in his usual low voice, his right hand man standing next to him as he sat. "I'm sorry Sergei could not be here to thank you himself, but he's off working on business of his own at the moment."

"No problem," Max responded. "I honestly like working with you more, anyway."

Josef smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Perhaps, one day, I will be in charge, and we can take our partnership to the next level."

"We can only hope," Max said.

"Anyway, thanks for your help. If you need anything, whether it be hardware or manpower, let me or my associate know."

"Will do," Max replied, standing up to shake the man's hand.

* * *

Later, the two were in a market district of a nearby village, getting a bite to eat.

"So, what exactly is our business gonna do?" Carlos asked.

"Not sure," Max replied. "There are quite a few options. We could keep doing contracts for Josef, but I'd rather do something closer to home. Plus, it's good to broaden our horizons."

"Why did we do that thing for the Russians, anyway? We already had plenty of money."

"Because we did them a favor. Josef owes us now. Whenever we need to call on him for help, he'll be there. Plus, you can never have too much green."

"You're definitely right about that."

"Either way," Max continued, "we won't be able to do this on our own. We need more help from the right people."

"Tony?"

"He'll know some people in the mafia underworld, and he'll be a good negotiator and contact. But that still leaves plenty of room. We need someone with real military and combat experience; someone who can turn a team of fighters into an elite unit."

"And the problem is, we don't know anybody."

"That's right."

* * *

Max walked alone down the dirt road of the market district. Carlos had gone to do some shopping in a another part of the market, and Max had gone on, planning to meet up with his friend later.

He had stopped to look at some antique blades, and was inspecting a set of throwing knives. Behind him, a tall, bald man in a Chinese arts outfit stepped out of the crowd of shoppers and vendors, turned his head, and eyed Max. He began walking towards him, his hand reaching into his outfit.

Holding the knife up in front of his face, Max was able to see the reflection of the man approaching him. Whipping around quickly, he hurled the knife at the hand drawing the weapon. The pistol the man had been drawing discharged, and fell to the ground as the knife dug into his wrist. The gunshot scared off the crowd, and the vendor dove behind his cart. However, despite the fact that there was a knife in his wrist, the man showed no signs of pain. Instead, he yanked it out, resulting in a spark bursting from the supposed wound.

"Bionic, eh?" Max said, raising the other knives. "Let's see _how_ bionic."

He was only able to throw one more knife before the thing charged, landing one square in its' right eye. Again, it showed no signs of having felt the blow. Max leapt out of the way as it crashed into the booth, then kicked it further back into the blacksmith's hut, where it crashed against an anvil, and its arm landed in a small vat of molten steel. It raised its arm out, revealing a metal contraption where the skin had melted off.

Max ran up and delivered a chestnut fist to the things' upper torso. However, it felt nothing, and delivered a right hook to Max. Falling on his back, Max saw where his knife had struck the eye, and saw a tiny red glow. "Not bionic," he said. "A cyborg."

Yanking him up, the machine came forward with what looked like a punch, but, instead, drove its' hot, exposed metal fingers directly into Max's chest, burning through his clothes. Max screamed in pain as the fingers burned into his chest, then were painfully yanked out, only to have two fingers dig into him again, only lower on the torso.

Dropping him to the ground, the cyborg prepared to stomp a hole through Max's chest, when a sudden blast sent the machine flying back several feet. Temporarily forgetting the pain in his torso, Max rose to his knee, and turned to see the shooter step out of the shadows.

It was a girl, no older than sixteen, with long, dark blue hair and slightly tanned skin, wearing a black bodysuit and holding a smoking shotgun. The girl locked her eyes on Max quickly before speaking again. "Stay down if you wanna live."

Turning back to where the cyborg had been shot, Max saw that it was back on its' feet, ready to charge again. Ducking, he saw the thing get pounded with successive 12-guage rounds before finally crashing through the back wall. Throwing her empty firearm aside, the girl sped towards the machine, and launched into a full jump kick, landing it square in the cyborg's chest, knocking it down again. The thing swiped at her continuously, missing each time as she darted around it, hitting it with more strikes, moving too fast for it to keep up.

Finally, it managed to grab a hold of her by the scruff of her suit, and hook her in the face. In response, the girl grabbed hold of the knife in the machine's eye, and twisted it, sending sparks flying. The cyborg dropped her, and she immediately delivered another kick, a right hook, and finally an uppercut, sending it back into the shed, where it landed at head level with the tiny vat of molten steel. She walked up to it, and kicked it over, where the intensely hot metal engulfed the cyborg's head, melting it on the spot. The rest of the body did not move.

Standing up, Max could only stare at the girl, struck speechless. He finally broke the silence as she kneeled down, looking at her victim. "I guess I should say thanks."

The girl stood up, and turned to face him. "Feel free to. But I get enough fun from this, anyway."

"Those were some sweet moves. I'm guessing you've been training for a while?"

"Since I was three. I had to, in the environment I grew up in."

"Just who are you, anyway?"

The girl held out her hand. "Kusanagi; Fumiko Kusanagi, at your service."

Max shook, but let go when she suddenly pulled her hand back, her eyes on his chest.

"Oh, my! Just look at that peculiar wound! Are you sure you're all right?"

Confused, Max looked down at his chest: there were seven marks on his chest, from each of the hot metal fingers of the cyborg. The four on his chest plate formed a warped square shape, while the other three formed a trail down to his lower torso. After a second, Max noticed it resembled the Big Dipper.

"Holy shit…" he said.

"Well, I think you're just fine. Those marks aren't too bad, although they're probably permanent. Marks left by that kind of steel don't heal from known medicines."

"What do you mean?" Max said, looking up at her. "Just where did that thing come from?"

The girl took a deep breath. "I'm not sure. I'm just a hunter of these things."

"You hunt cyborgs for a living?"

"Yep!" she quipped, smiling. "And other killer machines. I don't know who sent this one, but it means someone's targeting you. You'd better be careful in the future." She handed him what looked like a business card, and leapt out of the shed, onto another shop. "That's my contact info. If you ever see any more of these things, or if you need any help, just give me a call. Ja ne!"

Max watched as she leapt away, hopping from shop to shop. Sighing to himself, he looked over her card. "Things just got more interesting," he said to himself.

* * *

"Ranma! Just you wait! I'm going to send you to hell for the hell you've put me through!" yelled Ryoga Hibiki to no one in particular as he trekked through a vast desert.

"This doesn't look like the way to Tokyo…" he said, looking around. "But I'm sure I was headed the right way earlier!" He could have sworn he was in China days earlier.

Looking far out to his right, he finally spotted a paved road. "All right! Finally, a road! I'll be there in no time!" He immediately began sprinting down the road. "Ha ha ha! Only a matter of time, Saotome!" he laughed, passing a road sign that proclaimed _Welcome to Nevada_.

* * *

"A cyborg?" Carlos asked. He was staring at the marks on Max's chest.

"Yeah. I have no idea, either." They were both sitting on a hill overlooking the springs of Jusenkyo.

"Interesting mark it left you," he said, sitting back up. "Is it what I think it is?"

"Who knows?" max replied. "I hope it doesn't mean the Apocalypse is around the corner, though. I wanna have a little fun, first."

"Hear, hear."

After a few moments of silence, Max turned to his friend. "You ever thought about getting a curse? They're pretty useful at times."

"Nah, that's not for me. Soun never had one, and I think I'm fine sticking with that part of the story."

"I can see that. Still, none of this changes the fact that we still don't have any connection to military intelligence. We're gonna have to work at it before we can find someone." He threw a tiny glance, out of the corner of his eye, at a nearby tree. "But, luckily, we've got other things to worry about."

"Like what?" Carlos asked.

Picking up a fist-sized rock, Max hurled it towards the tree. "Like this!"

The rock struck something inside the foliage, and out fell a purple-haired figure. She landed on her feet, clutching a long sword in one hand, and a bonbori in the other.

"Hey, Shampoo," Max said, waving to her.

"Aiyaah! Is Killer Panda-man! Where Ranma?" the girl demanded, running up to them.

"Why? What do you want with him- er, her?"

"I find girl, and kill!" she answered.

"Heh. Good luck," Max replied.

"Other women in village angry that husband has run away also," she said, brandishing her sword at him.

"I already told you, I'm spoken for," Max said, indicating the ring on his left hand. "I don't recognize your backwards, idiotic laws. So, you and your whole village can stuff it."

"You shouldn't speak to a woman that way," said another voice. "I won't forgive those who break the laws of the Amazons."

Max turned, and saw someone else leap down from another tree. A handsome-looking, long-haired Chinese boy wearing robes and a pair of glasses. "Hey, it's Mousse."

The boy looked up. "You know my name?"

"I know a lot of things," Max responded. "Including the cold, hard fact that your law doesn't apply to any of us. I ain't going back to your village if I can help it, and it'd be better if you two didn't bother us right now. There are bigger forces at work."

"I ask again; where Ranma?" the girl said, moving her sword closer.

"Find out for yourself," Max said, getting to his feet.

"Die!" he heard Mousse yell as a metal claw on a long rope whizzed by him. He ducked to avoid it on its' way back, and leapt into the springs, landing on one of the poles. Carlos followed him. "You take duck-boy! I'll handle the chick!"

"All right!" he replied.

Max hopped from pole to pole, avoiding swings of blade and bonbori by the Chinese girl. He continued to dodge her for the next few seconds, prompting her to swing harder in anger.

"Stupid panda-man! You turn and fight already!"

"Why? I'm having fun right now. Besides, if I beat you, I'll have you chasing me because of that stupid law," he said, stopping above a particular spring.

"You no defeat me!" she said.

"Please, I defeated your entire village," he replied.

The girl yelled, and leapt after him. Max smirked, and leapt just above her, knocking her down into the spring below with a kick. A splash later, he noticed a small cat swimming onto the bank.

"No! Shampoo!" he heard Mousse yell a few springs away, just long enough for Carlos to knock him into the spring below the both of them.

Max noticed Shampoo-neko long enough for her to hiss at him from the ground, then take off away from the springs, heading back to the village. Letting her go, he leapt down to where Carlos stood, just beside the spring where Mousse had fallen. "I guess he was fated to be a duck."

"What do we do with him?" Carlos asked.

"I guess we just leave once we know he's okay."

There was a splash, and both of them looked toward the source, both expecting a duck. Instead, what looked like a grey falcon emerged, flapping wildly in the water.

"Oops. Wrong spring," Carlos quipped.

Max laughed. "Who cares? He should be happier now. C'mon, get him outta' there."

After they dragged the falcon out of the spring with a long stick, the bird shook itself off, then looked at the two men in apparent confusion. It then looked around at the surrounding springs before squawking.

"Hey…do you think…" Carlos said, looking back at Max.

Max sighed. "Only one way to find out." He reached into his coat, and pulled out a thermos that held hot water. Dousing the bird, they found themselves looking at the naked from of Mousse, who looked at the both of them, then balked.

"Shit!" he said, putting his hands in front of his eyes. "What's wrong? I could see better as the falcon!"

"Mousse?" Max asked. "Are you alright?"

"Mousse?" he said, looking down at himself. He then looked back at the spring once again. "Holy shit…so that's where I am."

Max went right to the questions. "What's your name, pal?"

The man in Mousse's body looked back at them, narrowing his eyes. "And just who are you two?"

"We're like you," Carlos answered. Turning to Max, he said, "I guess we should explain in full."

* * *

"And that's it," Max said. "We figured we might as well make the most of it."

"I can understand that," answered Mousse's new inhabitant, now wearing some Chinese clothes they had bought him.

"Your turn," Carlos said.

"All right," he said, clearing his throat. "The name's Schneider; Mordecai Schneider. And I'm from Haifa, Israel."

"Interesting," Max said. "Whatever force that's behind this really likes to go international."

"What were you doing just before you got here?" Carlos asked.

"Why do you ask?" he said.

"There's apparently a certain way one is dragged into this," Max answered. "For either of us, it involved electronics and a screen."

"Oh, yeah. I was on my computer, working on a simulation program. That's when everything went haywire, and, next thing I know, I'm drowning while in the body of a falcon."

"What kind of simulation program?" Carlos asked.

"Weapons training, return-fire, that sort."

"What do you know about that kind of stuff?" Max asked.

"Quite a bit. I spent eight years in the military. I'm a weapons and demolitions expert."

Max's eyes were wide. It was as though his half-hearted prayers had been answered. "You make these programs for the military?" he asked.

"No, I left them last year. I'm currently working for the Mossad."

Max's eyes went even wider, than narrowed. "Prove it," he said.

"We don't keep IDs, if that's what you mean," he replied. "Not real ones, anyway. But I do have the connections to prove it."

"Okay, I believe you," Max said. "This whole revelation must be the only reason you'd be willing to let us in on this."

"Of course. We're obviously going to be stuck like this for a while, and you guys are the only ones I can really trust. And I need people to work with."

"So, you're in?" Carlos asked.

"Absolutely," Mordecai replied. "I've been waiting for something to happen. There hasn't been any excitement recently. I've spent most of my time reading manga back and forth between assignments. But this changes everything. Just let me get my hands on some better clothes; and a gun or two. I'm honestly feeling naked without my arsenal."

"I'm liking you more already," Max said. "Still, what're you gonna do about the Amazons? They'll be looking for Mousse."

"Well, they aren't gonna find him. I'm severing all ties with that damn tribe as of this moment. I'll leave 'em a little memento, though, for their sake."

* * *

As Max and Carlos chatted with their new friend, a lone, dark figure watched them from a nearby tree. It was a woman; tall, dressed in a Chinese battle outfit, with her hair in buns. Unlike the young Amazon girl she had just seen become cursed, she knew how to properly hide her presence. She'd been watching the one with scars on his chest ever since he'd passed by the place where she was meditating, and was now completely focused on him.

"So," she said, curling her lips, "it seems you're still alive. I never expected you to last this long, not with your lifestyle." She cracked her knuckles, and laughed lightly. "No matter. Now, I can finally finish you off."

* * *

Max sat down near a small waterfall not far from the nearby town. Carlos had taken Mordecai into town to buy himself a few weapons from the Russian Black Market warehouse. He'd decided to wait for them, thinking about his newly-received scars.

_I wonder if this really is a sign_, he thought. _If the style really exists, I'd be all but unstoppable. Problem is, how the hell am I supposed to find out who knows it?_

"I never thought you were one for nature," a gruff female voice said.

Looking up at a nearby tree, Max saw the woman standing on a large branch. She was eyeing him, a nasty smirk on her face. "It's been a long time. I thought you'd be dead by now."

"Who the hell are you?" Max asked.

"Feigning ignorance, I see." She leapt down from the tree. "Or, perhaps you merely no longer have a good memory. Fine, then." She moved closer. "I am Yura-Lan, an Amazon warrior, and master of Nanto Seiken!" She began to glow with a reddish aura. "And now, Du Shen, I'm going to finally kill you!" She leapt at him, her fist pulled back.

Max quickly dove out of the way, where the woman left a giant hole in the ground with her fist. He got back up, reaching behind his back to pull a weapon. "Dammit! I don't know you! Leave me alone! I've never done anything to you!"

"You really don't remember?" she asked, the nasty smile still present on her face. She raised a hand with two fingers pointing. "Perhaps this will jog your memory!"

She blew another hole in the ground after Max leapt away again. She moved after him, swinging more strikes, which Max barely dodged. The woman was faster and stronger than any opponent he'd faced before, far stronger than the Amazons from before.

After a few more missed swings, Max took a bad step, and Yura connected a backfist slam to his jaw, sending him flying back. He got up as quickly as he could, feeling the pain as he did so.

"You've let yourself become soft, haven't you, Du Shen?" she said, jumping in front of him. "You're nowhere near as fast as you used to be! Why aren't you using your Hokuto Shinken?"

"I'm who? My what?" Max asked, confused.

Squeezing an angry fist, the woman sent a kick to his gut. "I'm growing angry with this ignorance ploy, Shen!" she said, before lifting him in the air, and throwing him into a nearby tree trunk. "You were bad enough five hundred years ago, but now you're just acting pathetic!"

Max straightened up, laying against the trunk, feeling for broken bones. "Five hundred years? What the hell are you talking about? And my name isn't Du Shen, or whatever! I've never seen you before in my life!" He reached inside his coat, pulling handgun. However, Yura ran up, and quickly kicked it away.

"I figured you'd go for lousy modern weapons," she said. "But I never thought you'd forget everything, including your fighting style!" She grabbed him by the scruff of his coat, and held him against the tree. "Besides, if you're not Du Shen, how come you have the seven scars on your chest?"

Max looked down at the scars, then back up at her. "I just got those from an accident! It had nothing to do with you."

She scoffed. "Pathetic. You know, Shen, it's a shame. No matter how troublesome, how annoying, how much of an outright pain in my neck you used to be, at least then, you had some pride! You really don't remember when I gave you those scars, Shen? Like this?"

Using two fingers, she drove her hand into his upper arm, tearing open flesh and muscle. Max let out a scream, feeling even worse pain when she yanked her fingers back out.

"I'll be glad to finish you off with my Nanto Seiken. Then, there won't be many fighters of Hokuto Shinken left for me to kill!"

Max's eyes went wide. "What do you mean, 'Hokuto Shinken'?"

"Forget it, Shen, you're not squirming your way out of this one. I've been waiting to do this for over five hundred years!" She raised her hand, and pointed two fingers at his eye level. The hand began to glow with her aura. "There can be only one!"

A sudden, enormous blast of chi slammed into her, forcing her to let Max go, and sending her flying into the pond below the waterfall. Max looked in the other direction, and saw an old man standing a few feet away. He was bald, had a white beard, and was wearing orange robes, with a necklace of dark blue prayer beads. His hand was outstretched, and he was glaring at Yura. "That will be enough, Yura."

The woman growled in anger, and leapt out of the water, onto a nearby rock. "Ryuken! Damn you, you worthless old geezer!"

"Naturally, Yura, I can't let you attempt to kill off all my students; or other innocent people, for that matter. Give it up; there's no way you can stand against me."

A large grimace crossed her face, but she seemed to accept his words. She turned away, looking towards Max. "Another time, Du Shen!" she yelled, then leapt over the waterfall, out of sight.

Ryuken turned to her would-be victim, who was now passed out against the tree. Sighing, he glided over to lift the man up.

* * *

Max woke up on tiny bed of cloth, inside a small hut. He was shirtless, had a bandage on his right arm where the woman had left a wound, and could smell some food boiling over a nearby fire, where the old man who'd rescued him was tending to it.

"I wouldn't be too quick to move around if I were you," the old man said, not looking up from his work. "She left you a nasty cut; it will take some time to heal."

"Who are you?" Max said upon seeing the man. "Where am I?" Max asked again, looking around the hut.

"My name is Ryuken," he answered, still tending to the food, "and this is my place. We're about a mile from the waterfall where you had your little fight. I must say, you're lucky to be alive."

"Who was she?" Max asked. "And why was she calling me…what was it, 'Du Shen'?

"That woman," he said, pouring some gruel into a couple of bowls, "was no ordinary woman. That, my friend, was a youkai. Here you go," he said, handing Max his bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

Max took the bowl. "Youkai? You mean a demon?"

"Yes, a female, humanoid youkai. One that was also a member of the school of Nanto Seiken," he answered, digging into his own food slowly.

Pausing for a moment, Max took a bite. "She said she was waiting for me for over five hundred years."

"Well, demons live quite a long time."

"I guess so," Max said. "Then, what did she want with me? Why was she calling me by that name?"

Ryuken swallowed another small mouthful of rice gruel, and sighed. "That, I'm not sure about. Though, I do have an idea."

"And what's that?" Max asked, more attentive.

"Well, first of all, it has something to do with the mark on your chest; the seven of them, actually. The name she was calling you by was the name of another demon she knew all those years ago."

"Who? This 'Du Shen' guy, or whatever?"

"Yes. Du Shen was a demon; or half-demon, rather. And he had the exact mark that you have, my friend. Plus, he looked a bit like you, although he never looked as old as you do now. I must say it's an amazing coincidence."

Max looked down at the seven scars that made the shape of Hokuto. "So that's what she meant when she said she gave them to me."

"Exactly. She gave them to him in a fit of anger, hundreds of years ago."

"She must have really hated that guy, whoever he was."

"Well, I remember the stories. He was apparently a bit of a troublemaker in some people's eyes, and he had many feuds. But, from what I've been told, he was quite an amazing fellow."

"How do you know so much about him?" Max asked. "You aren't that old, are you?"

"No, of course not," the man chuckled. "I know of him, because he was our school's Grand Master five hundred years ago."

Max looked up from his rice. "Your school?"

"Yes," the old man said. "I'm the sixty-third Grand Master of the fighting style of Hokuto Shinken."

Max was surprised. He had known who Ryuken was, and what his school was, but this other character was news to him. "A hanyou knew Hokuto Shinken?"

"Yes, he did. And he was probably the most intriguing Grand Master in many generations. Hokuto Shinken has been around for almost 2,000 years. In that whole time, Du Shen was the only Grand Master with demon blood flowing through his veins. Thus, he turned it into an art that could be attributed to youkai as well, whereas before, it had merely been an art of assassination dangerous to other humans. Du Shen changed all that. Thanks to him, those who use the art can destroy evil youkai as well."

Max listened intently. "Sounds like a good enough guy."

"He was, friend. He was part human, and learned the art in order to defend humans."

"Then why did that crazy broad hate him so much?"

The old man seemed to chuckle at this as well. "I really don't know. I can only assume they didn't get along." He took another slurp from his gruel. "Anyway," he said, "I forgot to ask you about your story. What is your name, friend?"

Max sighed, and held out his hand. "Saotome," he said, "Genma Saotome."

Ryuken took his hand, and shook lightly. "It's my pleasure," he said. "I don't know how you got those marks, friend, but it makes no difference to Yura. She's mistaken you for Du Shen, and she'll be back to finish you."

Max let his head drop at this. "She was really strong and fast," he said. "Too much for me to handle. I'm gonna have to start carrying heavier weapons around."

"That won't do you much good, friend," Ryuken cut in. "She's changed with the times as well, and knows how to defend herself against modern weapons."

Max looked at the old man, looking distraught. "What the hell am I supposed to do, then?"

Ryuken rested his chin in his hand, thinking deeply. "It's against our school's rules to teach the art to multiple people," he said. "There can never be more than one person who knows the art at a time. However," he said, "in your case, I'll be willing to make a small exception."

Max looked at the man in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"It wasn't your fault this happened. And you'll need to know a style that can defeat her."

"Are you saying you're willing to teach me your art?" Max asked.

"Not all of it, no," he answered. "But enough for you to protect yourself while you train to become stronger. If you're willing to stay with me for a while, I can train you."

Max sat up, moving closer to the man. "Of course! I'll work as hard as I can!"

The old man smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

* * *

It had been three days since the ambush by Yura. Max had let Carlos and Mordecai know that he had plans for training, and they decided to find something to do for the next week or so. Ryuken had been training with him in and out, more than ten hours a day, teaching Max techniques involving pressure points on the human body. Max had to study ancient scrolls about the techniques and the build of the human form in his free time, and only slept six hours a night, rising early each day to meditate with Ryuken. The old man made him climb mountains, swim through rivers, and train in many brutal ways. He also had to due several chores for the man as well. Still, Max held strong, never arguing once. He wanted to learn those techniques.

On the fourth day, Max was busy meditating after their afternoon workout. A sudden presence behind him snapped him out of his meditative state, and he turned his head around, finding two young boys standing behind him.

"Who are you?" the older one asked. He was at least thirteen from his looks, and was wearing a cheap Chinese dogi. The shorter boy standing next to him looked no older than five, and was wearing a similar, albeit smaller outfit. "I haven't seen you before."

"And I haven't seen you before, either," Max replied. "I'm training here, if that matters to you. What do you want?"

"We're here to find our master," the boy said. "He trains here as well, but he's late for our session."

Before Max could speak again, he heard Ryuken coming up the small hill. "Saotome, it's time for you to start-"

He stopped in his tracks when he saw the two boys. "Raoh, Kenshiro; what are you two doing up here? I told you to wait back at the hut."

Max became attentive at these names, and turned to the boys. "We've been waiting for you for the past few minutes," Raoh replied. "We just wanted to know what is the matter."

"That's no excuse to abandon your session," the old man said.

"Master, tell us: who is this man?" Raoh said, gesturing to Max.

"Someone I am training with. You don't need to know more than that. Now, return to the hut. I'll be there soon enough. Until I return, practice last week's lesson."

Raoh did not seem satisfied, but nodded, and turned to leave, taking Kenshiro with him. Ryuken sat down in front of Max. "Sorry about them. Those are two of my students. I adopted them a few years ago after their village was destroyed."

"And you're teaching them the art?" Max asked.

"Yes; one of them, or one of the other two of my sons, will be the next Grand Master of Hokuto Shinken, after me."

"I see," Max said.

"Shall we continue with the lesson?" Ryuken said, pulling a scroll out of his robes.

* * *

Later that evening, Ryuken had taken Max to a secluded area in the woods outside his home. This was an open area, surrounded by the thick forest, and sheltered from any light above by the thick canopy. They were both dressed in black, ninjistu-style outfits for the occasion, at the request of Ryuken.

"I've had you study the human body, and all of its' strong and weak points," Ryuken said, sitting across from Max. "I've shown you how to keep the body as one, and how to completely take it apart. However, this doesn't do much for your situation with Yura." He cleared his throat.

"Du Shen passed on his technique to future students, but, unfortunately, no one else has ever been able to match his skill against youkai. However, we believe it might have to do with the flow of chi through the body. If this is true, he learned how to feel an enemy's aura so well, he was able find the different locations for the pressure points just by feeling their chi flow. Though, there aren't many demons left, so few of us have had any practice with them. Still, I'm doing what I can for you. Now, I've noticed you've found out how to harness your chi."

"Well, yeah," Max answered, rubbing the back of his head. "I can summon chi by building up my emotions, but I haven't been able to mold it into an effective weapon. I guess I haven't been working at it enough."

"Can you sense the auras of those around you?"

"To an extent."

"Good. You've been studying the important parts, then. Here, your ability to sense auras will be put to the absolute test. If you can tell one aura from another, and learn to find a particular one amongst many, you can find the pressure points amongst all other parts in the human, or any creature's, body. In other words, in order to learn this art, you must learn to master your surroundings."

He clapped his hands twice. A second later, Max could briefly hear the sound of several footsteps approaching them from several different directions in the forest surrounding them; though, he was probably only able to sense them because of his latest training efforts; otherwise, they were nearly silent. Soon, there were two dozen men dressed like Max, only with their hoods donned. "And who are these people?" Max asked.

"Now, I wouldn't be a Grand Master if I told you everything, now, would I?" He stood up slowly, donned his hood, and disappeared behind the ninjas, who boxed themselves around Max. Max donned his own hood, and prepared himself.

"A true warrior can conceal their chi to the point of near-invisibility," he heard Ryuken's voice whisper softly. Max saw he was right, as the chi from the other men, while low itself, was muddling Ryuken's presence. "Even when striking a deadly blow!"

It happened just fast enough for Max to notice only too late. A black figure zipped by him, striking a pressure point on his lower back, causing him to temporarily lose feeling in his legs. Missing with his own strike, he struggled to keep on his feet as the men around him changed positions.

"You must learn to tell one aura from another…before you can find your true target!" Another strike, this time on his back, caused him to collapse to the ground. The men changed their positions as he struggled to get the feeling in his legs back. He'd been able to sense Ryuken's aura during the attacks; otherwise, he was hiding it well. Max then realized he hadn't made the same attempt to hide his aura along with the men. Getting another idea, he poked at a point on the upper shoulder of one of the men surrounding him, and immediately stood right behind him, calming his arua.

The man twitched lightly, as though he was in pain, but remained fairly still. Max felt the man's aura flare up just enough, as well as another one next to him. The man to his side moved closer, and grabbed him around the neck. "Letting your aura act up while trying to hide yourself…you still need work!" Ryuken said. The old man than felt another hand touch his back, all five fingers on vital points. "Not quite," he heard Max's voice say. Ryuken turned to see his student holding his hand on his back.

"Very impressive. I see you really are ready for this."

* * *

By the seventh day, Max had learned a suitable amount of techniques, and had practiced his new technique on forest beasts, attempting to read their chi flow to find their vital points. He'd been fairly successful, and hoped he could apply the same technique to the youkai woman. And even though Ryuken didn't plan on teaching him everything the art had to offer, Max didn't plan on stopping. Once he'd gotten rid of Yura, he planned to keep developing the technique as far as it could go.

Max had just gone to clean some clothes in the river, and was returning to the hut. Walking through the door, he dropped the rags in surprise. The inside of the hut was a mess, with several artifacts broken on the floor, scrolls and other papers scattered across the room. And, near the back wall, Ryuken was crouched over himself in a semi-fetal position, clearly in pain.

Max rushed up to him. "Hey, Sifu, what's wrong? What happened here?" he said, looking around once more.

Ryuken struggled to speak. "It…it was Raoh. He attacked me with Jagi…one of my other students…and wounded me. I drove him off…but I still sustained this."

Max helped him up. "Why the hell would he attack you?"

"Ever since he first saw you, he's grown distrustful. He seemed to think I was training you to be the successor to Hokuto Shinken. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he wouldn't listen. Jagi was easily swayed by Raoh's claim, he's always been deceptive and impure in the heart…but I held them off. They ran off, and I think Toki went with them."

Max feigned ignorance. "Toki?"

"Toki is Raoh's brother. He's a good, helpful boy, but he loves his brother all the same. I think Raoh may have deceived him. But…they left Kenshiro behind. I guess Raoh didn't believe he would be suitable for where they were going."

Max sighed. "Does that mean…?"

"Kenshiro will be the successor; if only I can live long enough." He sat up, seemingly in less pain than before. "But I would still like to have you around, to help me train him. This unfortunate event has brought about setbacks, and I'll need some help if I'm to continue training Kenshiro…"

Max sighed lightly. "Look," he said. "I understand the situation, and I'll be willing to stay help as long as I can-"

A strong wind developed outside the hut, sending a gust of wind through the door and into the room, scattering the mess even more. An even stronger blast of wind broke the roof of the hut right off, sending it flying into the distance. One of the walls fell, revealing the culprit.

"Yura!" Ryuken yelled, eyeing her.

"How touching," the female youkai said, the evil smirk returning to her face. "The master and student, sharing their last moments together. Enjoy it while you can!" She raised her hands up again, and sent another chi blast at them. Max picked up the old man, and leapt out of the hut with him just before it was shattered to splinters. He landed, and set him down, letting him stand.

"Okay," Max said, cracking his knuckles. "Time for some payback, lady."

"Hold it," Ryuken said, holding his hand out. "You're not ready yet. Leave this to me."

"But you're already injured!" Max replied.

"Don't worry about that. Just let me handle her; you come in when I tell you to!" He leapt into the fray, launching an array of strikes at the youkai. She parried them with equally fast hands, having no trouble against the weakened Ryuken.

"Your strikes are weak, Ryuken," she growled. "I hope someone didn't injure you before I got a chance to…"

"What are you babbling about-" A thought suddenly came to him, causing his attention to be averted for less than a second. That was all Yura needed, though; her hand glowing with chi in a chopping motion, she sliced Ryuken clear across the chest, then sent him flying back with heavy right hook. He skidded along the ground, making a long trench in the dirt.

"Ryuken!" Max yelled, running to jump into the fray. He stopped when Yura turned to him, a glowing ball of chi forming in her hand. "As you can see, Shen, I've learned some new techniques in my time with the Amazons! I hope you like them!" she laughed, hurling the ball at him, leaving barely any time for Max to avoid it. She was quicker, though, and he couldn't avoid the next one. The blast sent him flying back several feet, forming his own ditch in the ground from the impact.

"Wait your turn," she said, turning back to Ryuken, who was attempting to stop the blood flow from the wounds on his chest and arms.

"It…it was you," he said weakly, coughing up some blood. "You turned Raoh against me!"

The youkai smiled evilly. "Very good," she said. "He was easy enough to convince, with you training Shen. You weren't giving them the attention they wanted, so I told him you were planning to replace them. And he managed to weaken you enough for me to finish you off. My plan worked perfectly!" she said, laughing.

Ryuken tried to stand up, but fell to his knees. "Damn…you, Yura…"

She yanked him up by his robes. "Forget it, old man. End of the line!" She prepared her two fingers, pointing them at his face. When Ryuken attempted to form a last-ditch chi ball in his hands, she grabbed hold of his fist, and crushed it with a sickening crunch. Ryuken screamed in pain as Yura jabbed her fingers in his face again. "There can be only one!" she yelled, driving her fingers into his eyes, causing him to scream even more painfully.

A sudden blast of force to her back sent them both tumbling to the ground. Getting up from the dust, she looked behind her, spotting Max with a shotgun in his hands. She growled, baring her teeth.

"I thought I told you to wait your turn!" she yelled, getting to her feet.

Max pulled back on the slide, pumping out the used cartridge. "I don't wait on filth," he said. "I find it, and I trash it."

She smiled her nasty smirk at him again. "You should know a weapon like that won't kill me."

"Who says I need to kill you with it?" he replied, firing another round, this time at her face. She fell back from the power of the blast. "I only need to beat the shit out of you with it."

When she sat up, Max could see the new scars on her face left by the shot pellets. She screamed in rage, sending another chi blast at him. Max was hurled to the ground, his weapon bent and melted from the blast. Getting to his feet, he stood across from her, staring her down.

"You think you can beat me?" she said. "I've been training for this day for centuries! In that time, you've forgotten everything! What makes you think you have a chance against me?"

_Might as well give it a try_, he thought. "This!" Max said, readying his fists for an attack. Applying his chestnut fist speed to the technique, he launched into a Hokuto Hykuretsu, striking all would-be pressure points with over a hundred strikes in succession. While Yura was driven back, and clearly felt pain from the strikes, the attack did not have the desired effect.

"Fool!" Yura said, getting to her feet. "Why did you use the technique meant for humans? You should know that that technique won't work on me, even in my human form! It looks like you really have forgotten all your demon-based techniques!" Her hand began to glow again. "You know what? I don't even need my Nanto Seiken…I'll finish you off with my own demon powers!" A ball of light formed in her palm. "Feel my venomous sting!" She flung her hand, sending dozens of needle-shaped blasts at him. A few managed to strike him, and he felt the resulting pain.

Max suddenly had a thought. "Sting?" he said to himself. "Does that mean…"

Yura smirked. "That's right," she said with her evil grin. "Time to remind you just how frightening I can become!" She dropped to a crabwalk position, and slowly began to convulse. After a few seconds, her eyes began to morph into large purple globs, and a huge wasp stinger and abdomen reputed from her nether regions. Her whole body changed shape, and she grew wings. Soon, Max was face-to-face with a giant wasp demon.

"Starting to remember, huh, Shen?" she cackled in a murky voice, spitting a purple fluid at him. He dove away, and cringed when he saw a large whole melted in the ground where he had been. The second he looked up, though, he was knocked ten feet by a clawed leg.

"This is for all the hell you've raised in my life!" She roared. "For all my teachings you disrupted…and the students you defiled!" She sent another wave of venomous stings at him, which he dodged.

"Oh, C'mon!" Max said suddenly. "From what I remember, they enjoyed the hell out of it!"

He stopped suddenly, surprised at his words. Unfortunately, it was just enough for Yura to knock him with another blow. Staggering to his feet, thoughts ran through his head. _This is going nowhere! I have to find out where her vital points are! But I can't read her chi well enough!_ He continued to fight, using every chi-based attack he had learned. Still, none of it did any more than slow her down. He just couldn't read her aura that well with the experience he had. _Dammit! Where are her vital points?_

_There!_ A voice in his head spoke all of a sudden. For less than an instant, Max wondered where the thought had come from, but immediately afterwards was flooded by sudden knowledge. He knew her vital points now.

Cracking his knuckles, he stared down the wasp youkai in front of him, who appeared to be planning a final strike. "Confident all of a sudden, are we" Yura laughed. "Fine! Give me your best shot!"

"With pleasure," Max replied, a large blue aura glowing around him as he readied his attack. "Hokuto Hykuretsu Ken!" he shouted, delivering the hundred blows to different parts of her body. After he was done, he stepped back, smirked, and turned around.

Yura finally spoke up. "Ha! You think you've beaten me, fool?"

"You're already dead," Max replied.

"Oh, really?" she said, readying another attack. "Well, then let's see how you like…huh?" she sputtered, feeling something new. Her body began to shake and convulse. "This cannot be!" She yelled, as lumps began to grow from her head and thorax. "He's never been able to read my chi flow before! How is this possible?" Her abdomen, as well as her legs, exploded in a mass of gooey puss, and, following a final piercing scream, so did her head.

Max looked back at the nasty remains of the finally dead wasp youkai. Though he was happy and relieved, he could not figure out how the answer had come to him all of a sudden, or his remark during the fight. Then, his mind flew back to another matter.

"Sifu!" he yelled, running over to where Ryuken had fallen, and seeing that Kenshiro, the young boy from earlier, was already there by his side.

The boy was looking down at his teacher, tears filling his eyes. "Sifu! Please don't die! I…I don't know what I would do…"

Ryuken, whose eyes had been gouged, reached a hand up to his youngest student's face. "Ken, my boy…you must be brave. You knew this time would come…eventually." He coughed up blood as he finished. He reached a hand out for Max to take, already aware of his presence. "Saotome," he said weakly. "Is she gone?"

"Yes, Sifu," Max replied.

He continued, pausing every few seconds to catch his breath. "You were never meant to be Hokuto Shinken's next Grand Master. And, in a way, you aren't. However…I need you to keep training in the art…specifically so that…you can complete my teachings, and make Kenshiro the next Grand Master. I am enlisting this task to you. I know you can do it."

Max nodded silently. Ken kneeled closer to his Sifu, and cried out. "But Sifu! You can't die now! And I don't know this man!"

Ryuken turned his blind face towards Ken. "Ken…listen to me. You must go with this man. He may be an outsider, but he's a worthy sensei. Learn from him, and become the next Grand Master of our art. This is my last wish."

Ken cried some more before nodding his head. "I understand Sifu."

Ryuken smiled, and relaxed. A few minutes later, he was gone.

* * *

Max watched, with Kenshiro by his side, as the hut, where Ryuken and his students had lived, went up in flames. Ryuken's body went with it as well. Max had gathered up all the scrolls from the place necessary to continue the art, and then set it afire.

Clapping his hands together for a final prayer, Max watched Ken do the same.

"Time to go, Ken," he said. The boy nodded, not taking his eyes off the burning house.

A few hours later, they met up with Carlos and Mordecai at the nearest airport, and took the next flight back to Tokyo.

* * *

On a different time plane…

Kikyou's eyes snapped open all of a sudden as she held her fingers together in meditation in front of a small flame. She had just felt a presence she had not felt for years, one that she had no desire to ever feel again. Something was amiss.

Things were bad enough as it was. Her resurrection had been utter hell to endure, as had the recent revelations concerning her old flame, including the new girl he was with. And now, she was trying to focus all of her energy on collecting enough souls to stay alive long enough to defeat Naraku, the one ho had truly deceived her.

However, this force she had felt seemed even worse than the devilish hanyou. Although she could swear she'd felt it before, she could not put her finger on it. While it didn't necessarily spell out evil, it certainly felt like it was meant to bring chaos and unrest. Which meant it might as well have been evil. There was only one problem: she didn't know how to find it. It could be anywhere, or on any time plane.

She groaned, and thanked the gods that she'd discovered how to use the Bone-Eater's Well for time travel, as well as the fact that, in the future, you could pay to have people listen to your problems. She didn't know what she would do without the psychiatry sessions she was receiving in Kagome's time. Not all problems could be solved in the Sengoku Jidai.

It was time for her to head back to the Well; her next appointment was coming.

* * *

Next time: Amazons!

Sorry for all the lost time. I've had a lot to deal with recently. Anyway, I couldn't tell which way the story was going at the mid-point of this chapter, so I threw in Fist of the North Star and Inuyasha almost randomly. I felt it would only help to make the story wackier. Happy trails.


	9. Fun with Amazons, Part 1

**Chapter 9**

**Fun with Amazons, Part 1**

"And that's the situation," Max finished, putting a hand on the young boy's shoulder. "Kenshiro will be living with us from now on."

Each of the other family members, including a soaked Ranma-chan, gave the boy a look. Kasumi seemed happy at the prospect of a younger brother; Nabiki was feeling even more suspicious than before; and Akane was just surprised, although trying to keep a better attitude about the boy. Ranma was still angry at her father for going to China without her, but gave the boy a light smile nonetheless.

"I want you all to treat him as you would any other member of the family," Max added.

"Even you?" Ranma-chan quipped sarcastically.

"Especially me, boy."

Ken looked at Ranma, confused, then turned to Max. "Boy?"

"That's right, Ken. This is my son, Ranma. But he's currently in the form of his Jusenkyo curse. Like the one I've got."

"Oh," the boy said.

"So you brought home a new family member," Ranma said, standing up and cracking her knuckles. "Big deal! That ain't gonna stop me from poundin' your ass, Oyaji! That's what you get for going back to China without me!"

"You never asked," Max said.

"Like hell I didn't!" Ranma yelled, lunging at her father. Soon, the two were outside by the pond, trading strikes with each other. Kenshiro watched in amazement as the father and son/daughter exchanged blows back and forth.

"Er…so, this is how our family can be sometimes, anyway," Carlos said. "But don't worry, we're a nice, normal family most of the time."

"Yeah, as normal as they come," Nabiki quipped under her breath.

Outside, Ranma managed to get a strike in, and knocked her father into the koi pond with a splash. "Ha! You've gone soft, old man! What happened to you on that trip of yours?"

As if to answer his question, a large, fierce-looking tiger erupted from the pond, pouncing on the shocked martial artist. All of the others, including Carlos, looked on in surprise.

"Oops. I forgot to mention this" read a sign the tiger held up with its tail. Turning it around, it read, "I decided to give my curse a little upgrade." Looking down at the terrified girl under his claws, Max got off of her. He didn't want to activate it just yet. Heading for the house, he walked inside, found the kettle Ranma had been saving, and doused himself.

"And with that," he said, drying his hands as he walked back to the group, "Please welcome Ken to the household. And be extra nice to him; he may only be five, but he's already had a hard life." Throwing the towel over his shoulder, he left the room, Carlos following him.

Kasumi stood up, walking overt to where Kenshiro was sitting. "Ken, have you had lunch yet?" The boy shook his head, and Kasumi lead him towards the kitchen. "Then you can help me prepare for the others." Perking up a smile, the boy followed.

Nabiki shook her head with a sigh. "Great. Another freeloader. Just how many people is he gonna bring back here?"

"Onee-chan! That's not very nice!" Akane snapped.

"Oh? Becoming more fond of Ranma, are we?"

"I didn't say that!" she said, going red. "I just think Ken seems okay. We've always wanted a younger brother, anyway."

"Maybe, but I still don't trust Ranma's old man. He and daddy are becoming weirder and weirder by the day. Their presence here can't be a good thing."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say…I'm gonna go check on Ranma." She walked over to the aqua-transsexual, who was still passed out by the koi pond. Nabiki stood, looking at the doorway to the basement, where her father and his friend had just gone. "I'll find out just who this guy is…and what he's up to."

* * *

"A tiger. Nice touch."

"Thanks," Max replied, lying back into a recliner. "By the way, where's Mousse-er, our new friend?"

"Mordecai? He said he was gonna get his own place in the city. Didn't wanna intrude."

"I guess that's okay. It's getting pretty crowded here, anyway. What'd you guys do while waiting for me?"

"Oh, we just hung out. He pulled a few pranks on the Amazons before we left, though. Ruined one of their sacred ceremonies, or something."

"Tell me more," he said.

"Let him tell you," Carlos replied. "I'm too tired after that last trip, anyway."

"Hey, you didn't have to fight off a 500-year-old wasp demon!" Max retorted.

"Okay, fine. That doesn't mean I just sat around the whole time. Either way, I just wanna lie back for a bit."

"Don't get too comfortable," Max said, rummaging through his bag. "We've gotta make another trip soon."

"Oh, c'mon…where to this time?"

"Some scientists convention out in India. I'm gonna see if we can make a connection within the scientific community. You don't have to come, though."

"Nah, it's okay. I've kinda' always wanted to see India, anyway."

"That's good," Max said. He pulled a small cloth out of his bag, and unwrapped it, revealing severed robotic arm, and a small, flat piece of detailed metal.

"What're those?" Carlos asked, looking at them.

"Things I took from the cyborg. This thing was all that was left of its head," he said, lifting up the flat piece. "I think it's the brain chip."

"And you wanna analyze them."

"Exactly," he replied. He shoved the items into a nearby safe, and locked it. "Should be fine there. Rest up for now, we'll be leaving tomorrow."

* * *

"What were you so scared about?" Akane asked as they walked down the path of the reservoir. "You were passed out for an hour."

"It's nothing," Ranma said, not looking at his fiancé. He was still in girl-form, and not in a very good mood from earlier. "I can't believe he left for China without me…not to mention getting a different curse!"

"Don't let it get to you," Akane said. "I'm sure you'll get your chance to go back to China." She and Ranma had grown a bit more accustomed to each other over the past week, even though they still weren't happy about their supposed engagement. Ranma had told her about his father's words on the issue, and Akane seemed to calm down and accept it. Since then, they seemed to get along better.

"I know I will," she responded. "I just hope it's sooner than later. I'm tired of this body, and all the unwanted attention it attracts!"

Akane raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I see you using that body to get some free ice cream yesterday?"

"That's different!" Ranma retorted. "I wouldn't even be able to eat that stuff as a guy! It's too embarrasin'! I might as well make the most of what I've got now."

"Just like your father mentioned at our first meeting," she quipped. "Anyway, at least they don't insist on us being married anymore. Probably a good thing, too, considering you got yourself engaged again three days ago."

"Hey! That wasn't my fault, okay? I didn't mean to knock her out with her own weapon!"

"Yeah, well, she sure showed her gratitude enough," Akane said, rolling her eyes.

"Will you please leave me alone? I swear, I don't wanna see that crazy chick again any time soon! It's Oyaji's fault she's after us, anyway!"

"Simply avoiding her won't solve the prob-"

A wall of some residence they had just walked in front of suddenly exploded, and debris crumbled to the ground in front of them. When the dust cleared, they saw the familiar Chinese girl holding a sword. "Ranma!" she said, with a glare.

"Yah! Shampoo!" Ranma-chan squeaked.

"Kill!" the girl yelled, swinging her weapon at the martial artist. Ranma leapt to the rooftops to run away, and Shampoo gave chase. Akane watched them go, her dumbstruck face following them until they were out of sight.

"Honestly…"

* * *

At a large palace-like building in Bombay, a fancy party was in full swing. Hundreds of people, dressed in expensive clothing, were ambling about, talking to each other. Long tables lined the center and walls of the place, covered with elegant foods and champagne, while receptionists carried trays between partygoers. At the center of the front wall stood a small stage and podium, with a banner proclaiming a welcome to all the world's greatest scientists. There were several displays up and down the ballroom as well, showing new inventions and technologies the guests had brought.

Max and Carlos, dressed in expensive-looking black suits, took their time in taking in the scene in front of them. "And how did you get invited to this again?" Carlos asked.

"I didn't. Josef said one of his connections was invited, but declined. He told me to go in his place, and said I could bring a friend. He said we might be able to expand our horizons here."

"And that's what we're here for?"

"Pretty much. There's gotta be at least one brain in this place that'll offer us some help. Let's take a look around."

They did so, spending a good hour looking around at the displays and exchanging a few words with some notable scientists. Across the room, a scrawny, bald man with a beard and glasses pulled a pill from his pocket, and popped it into his mouth before taking a long swig of champagne. He turned around after feeling a pat on his back, facing a tall albino in a suit.

"Hey, Rust! Still no end in sight for the pill popping, huh?"

"Oh, back off, White! You're one to talk, with the extra pink makeup you've been plastering on!"

"Yes, but at least he managed to impress a few ladies with his little act." A short, big-headed man with an eye patch and a metallic arm walked up beside the albino. "No such luck for you, I see."

"Big talk for a midget virgin, is what I say!" the man retorted, picking up another champagne glass from a passing waiter.

"You don't have to yell it so loud," the short man said, his smile disappearing.

"Well you did kinda' bring it on yourself, Billy. Though, who could blame you, with the speech impediment and the huge head."

"Plus, I think that arm gives most people the creeps," the bearded man said.

"Oh sure, gang up on the boy genius at the big Science Con! You guys just make me sick sometimes!" He took a glass of champagne for himself before downing the whole thing.

"Fine, fine, Billy. Just what the heck are you two doing here, anyway?"

"We could ask you the same question, Rust. We heard you haven't been doing so well lately. Is it true you might have to sell the Venture Compound?"

"Don't jump to conclusions, Pete. It just so happens that I have an upcoming meeting with General Manhowers to make a deal for the military!" He took another swig.

"I dunno, Rust; does the military even trust you anymore, after your Oo-Ray incident?"

"My what?" Venture said.

"Never mind. Hey, by the way, where's Goldie Locks at? I thought he still followed you everywhere you went."

"Oh, how should I know? Brock doesn't care for these shindigs, so he just disappeared out onto the party patio. Probably won't be seeing him 'till morning."

"You can say that again," White said, looking at his partner.

"Brock Samson: slayer of men, conqueror of women," Billy finished.

"Will you two knock it off?" Venture said. "They're gonna start the presentations soon, and my stupid brother's up first, so leave me alone for a bit."

About ten minutes later, a man in a suit approached the podium, and messed with the mic before it came to life. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm proud to announce the start of our presentations for this year's convention for development in the field of science. We have many well-known guests here tonight, each of them ready to reveal a knew invention or technology ready to progress mankind. And I hope every one of them will capture our hearts and attention as they have done over the years." The crowd applauded. When they were done, he cleared his throat to speak again. "Our first presentation comes from the main attraction at last year's Convention in Rio for his work on advancing teleportation. Please welcome, the son of the late great Jonas Venture; the one, the only, Dr. Jonas Venture, Jr.!"

A louder applause followed, and a short, but nonetheless well-built man, sporting a ponytail and metallic arm of his own, walked up to the podium, pulling up a stool to be able to reach the mike. "Thank you, ladies and gents. It's a real pleasure to be presenting one's work first among all the other great scientific minds in the world. Hell, I'd have done the introduction myself to save time, but the company insisted on having their fifteen minutes before things really got down to business."

A light burst of hearty laughter followed; Dr. Venture scoffed. A few paces behind him, Max and Carlos had their attention focused on the covered machine behind the scientist on stage.

"Anyway, enough with the warm-up." He stepped down from the stool, and grabbed hold of the sheet covering his machine. "Last spring, I was asked by the EPA to come up with a solution to the problem surrounding nuclear power. I've spent months on this piece of work since. I present to you the greatest new invention this year…the Radioactive Converter!" Pulling the sheet off, he revealed a small, metallic capsule, big enough for two or three people to fit inside. It had an entrance hatch with a small window, and what looked like a small exhaust thing on top. "This baby can convert the most toxic or radioactive substance into a nice, clean substitute for water to be used in a plant's cooling system! No more piling up of dangerous waste in your own backyard. Instead, we'll turn it into something useful! With this baby in use, we can make nuclear energy the cheapest, safest, cleanest form of energy yet, solving the global energy crisis!" A round of applause came from the audience. "Thank you, but I'd rather demonstrate it for you first! Good waiter!" he said, turning to one of the men in the crowd. "Will you please bring me a bottle of your strongest stuff?"

The man nodded, and headed for the stock room. Max watched him go, then turned to Carlos. "I think we've found a good choice for a connection."

"Are you sure? We haven't seen his thing work."

"Oh yeah? Just watch." He pointed to the stage, where Jonas was removing the bottle of grain alcohol from the machine. He opened it, poured a glass of what looked like clear water, and handed it to someone at the front of the crowd. The person sipped, and expressed shock at the normal taste. The crowd cheered once again, and Jonas bowed. "He's very good at what he does, way better than his brother. We might as well go and talk to him now, 'cause I think we've seen enough."

"That was some presentation," Max said, walking up to Jonas. It had been thirty minutes since his presentation, and they had finally found him beside one of the tables. "Maybe now, those Greens will only have the terrorist excuse to push." He held out his hand. "Genma Saotome."

The dwarfish man smiled, and shook. "Jonas Venture, Jr. Call me J.J. Don't believe I've seen you around before."

"I'm a bit new to the scene; and I got admission from a friend." He took a swig of a drink he picked up from a tray. "I'm really just here to find a good connection. I'm forming a business that'll deal in technology development, and I'm going to need a consultant."

"A research business, eh?" he said, tweaking his beard. "Sounds interesting. What's your resume like?"

"I'd rather show you in person, though not in front of all these people."

"Secret work, huh?" he said with a grin. "I like the sound of that. Tell you what, come with me to Spider-Skull Island, and show me your work. I'll make my decision from there."

The two shook once again, just as the announcer was at the podium again. "Our last presentation will be given by the other son of the late great Jonas Venture. You all know him as Rusty the Boy Adventurer; Dr. Thaddeus Venture!"

A light applause, though nowhere near the level the other presenters got, rang out from the crowd. Venture acted like it was the best of them all, though, waving happily at the crowd. "Thank you, thank you!" he kept saying, long after the applause had died down. Clearing his throat, he began. "Since the dawn of existence, man has sought to advance civilization…"

Max groaned as Venture went on with his speech. Carlos, who'd been helping himself to some food, walked over to meet him. "Do we even need to stay and listen to this guy? You said yourself he was practically nothing."

"You're right. Let's just find a way to kill time until Jonas is ready to give us a lift," Max said, just as Venture began to wrap up his speech.

"And so, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…"

He was cut off by an explosion from outside that sent a light rumble through the building. The crowd began to murmur in fear, and the staff began running in different directions.

"Hey, what the hell's going on here?" Venture yelled, and the crowd turned its attention away from him. "Oh, sure! This has to happen to me, but not to anybody else! I didn't even get to show my awesome invention, for Pete's sake- aaaaaahhhhh!!!"

He was forced to dive out of the way of a falling chandelier before he finished his sentence. Partygoers began scrambling for the exits before a loud, high-pitched voice sounded over a giant loudspeaker.

"Attention do-gooder super scientists! This is the Mighty Monarch! Prepare to meet your doom at the hands of the biggest, most ass-kicking name in super-villainy!"

Max, who had made his way towards the entrance, looked out the door. A giant, flying golden pod, shaped like a cocoon, was hovering in front of the palace. "Wonderful," he said.

* * *

In a hotel room overlooking the palace, a tall, severely muscular man with a blonde mullet looked up from the two women he'd been servicing for the last few minutes. Looking out the window, his face drooped. "Oh, for crying out fucking loud…"

* * *

The Monarch let go of the speakerphone he'd been holding as he sat in his command seat. "Oh, this is the prefect opportunity to strike at Venture! Right when he's about to reveal another one of his lame-ass inventions! Engineering!" he yelled, turning to a group of henchmen in butterfly costumes. "Keep her steady as she goes! I don't want any shaking when we use the secret weapon I cooked up!" The men worked faster, and the Monarch turned to one of his screens. "Number 21! Come in!"

The screen came to life, revealing a stocky, heavyset man in a similar uniform. "Right here, sir!"

"Prepare the targeting systems, and be on the lookout for any big names we might know! I want to see if I can single out Dr. Venture after we've caused enough initial mayhem!"

"Okay, but I'm warning you, the targeting's been acting up weird lately."

"I'm not the one who tried to use it to go duck hunting while flying over the Everglades!" the Monarch bellowed. "Get the systems up, and no messing around this time! Number 24!"

The second screen lit up, revealing the other henchmen, with a deeper voice. "Yeah, boss!"

"Arm the cannons! I want to give them a little appetizer before we unleash my secret weapon on them! For it will truly be a weapon of shock and awe! At first, it will seem like a harmless swarm of butterflies approaching. Little do they know that each magnificent insect is laced with enough explosive serum to make each butterfly a miniature hand grenade! And not only that, they've been held down in pods for so long, they'll fly restlessly in all directions! Yes, just wait 'till you get a good look at my horrifying Incendiflies!" he yelled, raising his fists in the air.

"Uh, about that," #21 quipped.

"Huh? What do you mean 'about that', what's wrong?"

"I've got some bad news. Number 47 kinda' forgot to feed the butterflies last week, and, well, you know they don't live very long…"

"What? You're kidding me! I had this planned out perfectly! Where's Number 47?!"

"I think he's in the john," #24 quipped.

"Make sure he never leaves the room alive!" the Monarch said with a sinister voice. "Eject him from the cocoon while he's still on the can! Fine then, if we can't use the primary weapon, go onto the next one! Use the napalm rockets-"

"We're out of those, too," #24 said.

"What are you talking about? I thought you'd stolen a whole damn heap of those from Sgt. Hatred last week!"

"Yeah, it turns out they weren't full of napalm at all, but a bad mix of Everclear and cherry Gatorade," #21 said. "Must've been having a wicked binge party."

"They probably drank the real stuff, explains why they blew up so easily while arching Captain Flameout last week," #24 added.

"Okay, fine. What about the 10-pound bomb supply?"

"That's a no-go, we used those up last week when Monstroso came at us for crashing his break party," #21 said.

"Fine! Whatever! Tell me what we _do_ have, and use it already!"

"Well, for artillery, all we've got left are some of those 5-inch rounds we took from that mothballed battleship," #21 said.

"Idiot, those are flare rounds, they aren't gonna work in this situation!" #24 responded.

"I'm not gonna lose my temper," the Monarch seethed, clutching his fist while the two henchmen continued to argue over the screen. "I'm going to resist the urge to fill you schmucks with the explosive serum and fire you out of my cannons!" His face suddenly calmed. "Wait a minute; that's not a bad idea! 24! Has Number 47 been ejected from the cocoon yet?"

"Sorry, boss, I already hit the button!"

"Oh, forget it. We're running low on good henchmen after last week's disaster, anyway. Just fire some of those flares to distract them while we prepare for a ground attack!"

* * *

A 1969 Dodge Charger zoomed through the palace grounds, coming closer to the giant, hovering cocoon. The man behind the wheel watched as a large cannon emerged from a lower point in the cocoon, and began firing something at the building.

"Crap," Brock muttered to himself. "How am I supposed to fix this? I don't have anything to-"

He was cut off by the impact of a large object on the hood of his car. Hitting the brakes and getting out, he sneered at what he saw: a henchmen with his pants down, and a frozen look of fear on his face.

* * *

"Fire!" the Monarch yelled over his intercom. The cannon continued to fire flares, some of which bounced harmlessly off the buildings' surface, while others crashed through windows.

"Okay, this is completely lame. But at least the ground assault will go as planned! Henchmen!" he yelled, going back to the microphone. "Load everyone up in the armory, and prepare them at the exit hatch! We're going to storm this place, and take Dr. Venture by force! And the best thing is, there's so far been no sign of that blasted Swedish Murder Machine! Looks like Venture came to work without his guard dog, making our job so much easier! Keep firing!"

* * *

Using a wide outdoor staircase as a ramp, Brock floored the gas pedal, sending his Charger into the air, holding the unconscious henchmen out the window with his left hand as he approached the cannon. Hurling the body at the cannon, he watched as it got stuck in the large barrel, then lit a cigarette as his car soared to the ground.

* * *

When the henchmen tried to fire the cannon one last time, it backfired, causing an explosion that sent flames shooting into the armory, causing a chain reaction that began destroying the lower half of the cocoon.

"What the hell was that?" the Monarch said, feeling the rumble of the explosion. "21! Status report-"

"Abandon ship! Dear God, abandon ship!"

"Dammit, 21, tell me what's going on!"

"It's horrible, sir! Some guy in a flying muscle car threw Number 47 into the cannon just as they were preparing to fire another flare!"

"Yeah, half the squad's on fire, and the other half are trying to claw their eyes out from the excess smoke! It's total chaos down here!" #24 added.

"Shit!" the Monarch yelled, clenching his fists again. "Samson found us! Knew I shouldn't have jinxed it! Quick, take evasive actions, switch engines to backup power!"

"The engines are failing, sir! The cocoon's going down!"

All around the chamber, warning signs began to flash, and alarms began to sound. The Monarch simply slumped down in his seat as the giant cocoon began to descend.

"Crap."

* * *

Max and Carlos watched with disturbed, yet interested expressions as the giant cocoon crashed to the ground; they had to hold in their sniggers as flaming henchmen emerged from the wreckage, screaming and running in all directions before they were subsequently run down by a Dodge Charger.

"_Now_, I think we've seen enough," Carlos said.

"Yeah," Max agreed.

* * *

A few hours later, they landed on Spider-Skull Island in Venture's experimental jet. Minutes after that, they were talking to him in his office.

"Okay, here we are," he said, holding out his hands to note their location. "Show me your 'resume', if you will. I'm still quite anxious."

Pulling a thermos from his jacket and putting it on the floor, Max proceeded to strip off his clothing down to his boxers. Jonas raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Max picked up the thermos, unscrewed it, and doused himself.

The dwarf's eyes went wide when he saw the transformation. The large tiger walked around the room before returning to Carlos' side, who produced a thermos of hot water, and doused the tiger, reverting him back to Max.

"Impressive," Jonas said. "Very interesting, I have to say. But, what exactly is your angle, here?"

"I told you I wanted to have you as a consultant," Max said, putting his clothes back on. "This was just to show you what I can do already. And to give you something in return for your help."

"I appreciate it, but there are already people in this world who can transform into animal-like beings. What does this give me?"

"None of them can transform fully, and easily back and forth like I can. Plus, this isn't the only possible transformation for me. It can be applied to anyone who unlocks the secret. If you promise to help me, I'll allow you to examine me. I'll even let you in on the cause of the transformation, and where you can find it."

The short man smiled. "A generous offer. Well, this is certainly an interesting phenomenon. People changing into animals, triggered by water. Never heard of anything like that."

"And, if you're the first person to study it, you'll be able to take the claim for its discovery. I'm not interested in it, because I've got other plans for the future. What do you say?"

J.J., still smiling, got up from his seat, and walked over to shake Max's hand. "I say, 'deal'. I'll be looking forward to finding out how to harness this power you've got. And, in the meantime, I'll help you get your technology business started."

"Glad to hear it."

Their handshake was interrupted by a loud rumble from within the compound, followed by what sounded like slurred screaming. "What's all that?" Carlos asked.

Jonas twiddled his fingers. "Oh, that? That would be Ned, up in his bathroom. Sounds like he found another spider on the toilet." He went back to his desk, and pressed a button on his intercom. "Oh, Captain? Can you go and make sure Ned doesn't destroy the lower floor again?"

"Aye, boss. But don't expect me to be cleanin' up no urine trails this time. I spent all day the last time he saw one o' them arachnids crawlin' around."

"I understand, Captain, I'll get the cleaners to take care of that." He let go of the button. "Poor Ned is terrified of spiders. Always needs to get someone to kill it for him. Anyway, I'm glad you gentlemen stopped by. My autopilot will give you a ride home. Contact me when you get your business up and going."

"Will do," Max said, heading for the door.

"Any other questions for me before you go?"

"Not now."

* * *

As the experimental jet flew them back to Japan, Carlos turned to his partner. "What was all that about, anyway?"

"I gave him some motivation in order to get him to help us. I figured the Jusenkyo curse would be the perfect front."

"But the curses aren't exactly scientific," Carlos replied. "Aren't they technically supernatural, hence the term 'curse'?

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that," Max answered. "I'll hold off telling him the location of Jusenkyo for now, but once he starts studying the springs, he'll keep at it forever, trying to find some scientific answer. He'll probably never find anything."

"But that's not our problem, is it?"

"Exactly. Now, we've got him on board as a consultant. This will be good in getting our names out there to get our business up."

"I was just wondering, though; how come you didn't show him those pieces of the cyborg?"

"I'm going to study those things myself first. They could be from some common model, anyway. He wouldn't have been impressed at that. However, if they're from something completely unknown, I want to know it first."

"I get it." He leaned back in his chair, stretching himself out. "Still no idea who sent that cyborg after you?"

"Nope," he said. "I'm gonna grab some Z's. I've got a doctor's appointment when I get back." And with that, Max yawned, and drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Somewhere in the Nevada desert, a long highway was cut off by an enormous road block, which was surrounded by several police cruisers, all with lights flashing in the night.

A black-haired officer in a bulletproof vest and sunglasses laid down a spike strip in the road before running back to the roadblock. "Spike strip's set," he said to another officer, this one dressed in shorts, wearing a cowboy hat, and looking through night-vision binoculars at the road in front of him.

"Good work, Junior. Look alive, people!" he yelled back to the group of officers behind him. "Fast Eddie McLintock's been back in Reno only a few days, and he's already caused seven pileups! That's not gonna happen here tonight!"

"Lieutenant, are you sure it's a good idea to be doing this at night?" an older, Mexican-sounding officer yelled back.

"Yes, Garcia, it is! We've never pulled this kind of operation at night before, and Eddie won't be expecting it! We've got no other choice after what he's done to us during the day!"

"Then what's with all the extra police cruisers? There are only four of us here!"

"It makes it look like the whole department's here, that's why! It's a visual aid for us! He was last seen on I-80, and he's got the whole State Department trailin' him! Heard it on the radio!"

"Lieutenant, eyes on the road!"

"Shut up, Junior, shut up!" he retorted, putting the binoculars back up to his eyes. "I know what I'm doing!" He looked out further down the desert road. "I think something's coming! What's that I see? Talk to me, people!"

"Relax, that's just a Chevy truck!" Junior replied.

Back behind one of the cruisers, a black officer raised shotgun into the air. "Lieutenant, I get to shoot on sight this time, right?"

"Do not shoot!" he yelled, turning around. "For the last time, Jones, no shooting! If anyone shoots at him, there will be no group photo! Understand? Good!"

"If we don't get to shoot, then why the hell am I holding this?"

"It's another visual aid! It implies authority, just like the extra police cruisers! Just sit tight, and no shooting!"

They continued to wait. After a minute or so, they heard a familiar noise in the night air. "Hey, Lieutenant, that sounds like sirens!"

"Sirens! Wonderful, that means the State Troopers are chasin' him towards us! Get ready! Everyone get ready!"

"Hey, lieutenant, what's that down there?"

"Where? What're you pointin' at?"

"Right there!"

Down at the bottom of the hill, a hole was appearing in the road, as though something was digging up from the ground. "Holy…what on…look, never mind that! Just concentrate on those sirens! Eddie'll be comin' through in no time!"

The sirens were becoming louder and louder. Meanwhile, someone wearing a bandana and carrying a parasol appeared out of the hole in the ground. "Dammit, that was a horrible trip! Where am I now?" He sat down in the middle of the road, and pulled out some sort of map, oblivious to the situation up the road.

"Lieutenant, down there!"

Looking through the binoculars, he saw. "Holy- somebody's sittin' in the road! Hey, son! Get outta' the-"

He was cut off by the sound of a speeding car approaching from behind them. Before they could even turn around, a black Trans Am, using the cars behind the roadblock as a jump, soared into the air, playing a novelty horn before crashing back to the ground, and speeding away. "Eat my dust, coppers!" a redneck voice said over a loudspeaker from the car.

"Holy mother of-"

"Fast Eddie McLintock! Son of a bitch!"

"Look out son!" one of them yelled.

Ryoga was still looking at his map while sitting in the road. "God, are they noisy around here!" he said to himself. Hearing something approaching him, he turned to see a black car speeding towards him, honking at him to move. Pulling out his umbrella, he waited for the car to close the distance before knocking it high into the air with one swing. It crashed to the ground, rolling over and over before crashing into a boulder.

"How rude," he said before returning to his map. "He really should watch where he's going from now on." About a minute later, he heard people running down the hill, and turned to see four police officers. "What now?" he said.

"Shit, holy shit, son! How in the hell'd you do that?" the older officer said.

"Huh?" Ryoga quipped.

"Everybody calm down! Son, Lieutenant Jim Dangle, Reno Sheriffs Department; you just manhandled, no, _owned_ the fastest drug runner in the country! And we are awed by your ability, son!"

"I did?" Ryoga said blankly, looking back at the wreck he'd caused. "You mean that?"

"Yeah, son, you knocked Fast Eddie McLintock clear off the road, no one's ever done that before!"

"Seriously, that guy's been a pain in the ass for us. He's caused seven pileups in the last couple'a days. He has been a thorn in our side, and I wanna shake your hand for takin' care of him for us, and saving us another shit load of paperwork. C'mon, join us in our group photo, too!"

"Yeah, the photo, that's a good idea!"

"Uh, that sounds nice and all, but I really need to get going. Though I was hoping you could point me in the right direction," he said, holding out his map.

"Uh, sure, pal, anything," Jones said, looking at the map. "Where're you headed?"

"Furinkan High School."

"Huh?" Garcia said. "There any high school with that name around here?"

"None that I know of."

"Uh, son," Jones said, "This here's a map of Australia."

The other men went silent while Ryoga took the map back. "Oh," he said. "That explains why I passed Perth a few hours ago. Must've taken a wrong turn, because I'm sure I should've reached Tokyo by now."

The officers could only stare. "Uh, Travis, why don't you go dig Eddie outta' that wreck."

"Yeah, boss-"

The sound of a crash brought their attention to the roadblock, where several police cruisers, traveling at alarming speeds, collided head-on with the roadblock, eventually forming a large pileup.

"Holy shit!"

"Shit, shit! We forgot about the roadblock!"

"Well, the spike strip works."

"They're comin' this way, run!"

The cops scrambled away as cop cruisers began tumbling down the hill towards them. Ryoga had ducked into his hole to avoid it all. "That was strange…" Ryoga said to himself. "I'm glad they got their criminal, though. At least I know where I am now. I have to head west to find Furinkan! Ranma! You won't escape our duel, you coward! Westward I go!" he yelled, as he dug further into the ground, heading east.

* * *

"I know I shouldn't be mad, but I just can't help it," Kikyou said, sitting in her comfy leather chair. She was in a small office room, sitting across from a man in a suit wearing glasses; she was dressed in modern clothing as well. A coffee table sat between them. "I went so long thinking he'd betrayed me; that he was with me just because of something I had. It's only f-…well, a few years later that I realize he's innocent on the matter, but he's already moved on, even found another woman." She sighed, lying back in her chair. "I don't know how I can continue facing him anymore."

The psychiatrist looked at her for a moment, contemplating his thoughts. "Have you tried to simply avoid him?"

"We're going to inevitably cross paths in what we do. We have a common go-…er, profession. I can't avoid him anymore than I already am." The priestess had altered her story in a number of ways, for obvious reasons.

"I see," the shrink replied. "Too much damage has already been done for you two to have a chance together again. Yet, you feel he will always remain a part of your life." He sat up in his seat, holding his fingers together. "I can't recommend that you try to patch things up with him, but I will advise that you try to cope with him nonetheless. He's clearly had problems of his own if you were both deceived by the same problem." He pulled out a pen and a small piece of note paper. "In the meantime, I'm going to prescribe something for you…"

* * *

Ranma-chan, nearly out of breath from her little excursion, rested against the wall of a shop. She'd managed to lose the attacking Amazon further back, and now wanted to rest.

"Damn, that Shampoo's persistent. I can't go on like this much longer." Hearing a loud whistle, he looked inside the window of the shop he stood next to, and saw a heated kettle sitting on a stove. "Good timing, though," she said, dousing herself with the hot water, reverting to his male form. "I've gotta find some way to get rid of her."

Sensing a closing presence to his back, he whipped around, catching a wooden staff in his hand, looking at the culprit in front of him. "Who are you?" he said, looking at the old woman.

Cologne smiled. "Well, well, this is certainly a surprise. I had no idea that we were looking for the same person, son-in-law. Quite a fine specimen."

"Son-in-law?" he said, confused. "Does that mean…"

"That's right. Shampoo certainly has gotten herself a real catch, I must say." Breaking her staff out of Ranma's grip as if it were nothing, she poked him in his chest. Backing away, the boy sneered. "Forget it, old hag. I don't care who you are; I've got no intention of marrying Shampoo!"

"Hmm. We'll see just how long you keep those intentions, with your current condition." She leapt up to the roof of the shop. "I'll be downtown if you change your mind!" She bounded away, laughing to herself.

"What the hell's with that old bag?" Ranma said before continuing on his way.

* * *

"Are you really sure about this?" Dr. Tofu asked as he continued to massage different points on Max's back.

"Believe me, I've given it all the thought in the world," Max answered. "I've decided it's certainly in my best interest."

"Well, it can give someone like you better control over your energy," Tofu said. "But changing one's metabolism is always risky."

"Maybe so…but I'm not one to ever back away from taking risks."

"I can see that," said the doctor as he continued his work. After a few more minutes, he backed up, allowing Max to sit up.

"Well, it's all finished," he said. "Your metabolism should work more smoothly now. Still, you'll need to be careful in what you do."

"I understand. Thanks, Doc," Max said, walking out the door. After Tofu was out of sight, he walked down the sidewalk, into a nearby alley. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, he held up his arms to look at them. _This is it_, he thought. _The moment of truth. That little session changed my metabolism enough; I'll see whether or not my Hokuto Shinken can help me manipulate my chi enough to change._ Sitting down in a cross-legged position, he closed his eyes, and began to build up his chi. Although it went slow at first, he upped the dosage as seconds went by, and then began to manipulate it. Feeling his body begin to change, he continued, not breaking his focus as his chi flowed through his body.

When he was done, he opened his eyes. Looking at his hands, he noticed they looked a bit smoother, with fewer wrinkles. _Did it work? _he wondered.

Looking around, he found a mirror leaning against the wall of the alley. Kneeling in front of it, he took a look at himself: as he had hoped, his body was now younger by more than twenty years. His skin was smoother, his face less rugged. "Like a charm," he said. Standing up, he stretched his arms out before performing a few moves. "Not bad."

* * *

Hearing a knock just outside his office, Dr. Tofu looked up to see a young woman in a business suit. "Oh, hello," he said. "How can I help you?"

She walked over to his desk, holding up a slip of paper. "I'm here to pick up a prescription my psychiatrist prescribed for me."

"Ah! Then you must be Kikyou!" he said. "Dr. Matsuno called ahead and told me to expect you." He took the slip from her before standing up. "I'll go fetch it from my stores, if you'll wait a bit." He went back through another door in his office.

Kikyou sighed as she looked around the office, wondering just what, if anything, this futuristic medication would do to help her uneasiness.

* * *

Cleaning himself up, Max straightened his gi top out, which was just barely hiding his chest scar, and walked back out into the street, heading back towards the dojo. On his way, he decided to stop at the doctor's office to thank the man once more. Walking inside, he looked around. "Doc? Hey, Doc!" he said. Noticing someone else inside, he stopped. "Oh, sorry. Thought the doc was still here."

"It doesn't matter," the woman said calmly, not moving. Walking up beside her, Max caught her face out of the corner of his eye. Surprised, he took a full look. "Kikyou?" he said.

_Nah_, he thought to himself for a split second before she turned to look at him. "Who are you?" she asked. "How do you know my name?"

"Huh?" Max quipped. "Oh, that! Sorry, I thought you looked like someone I knew…wait, that's really your name?"

The young priestess frowned. "I'll ask you again: who are you?"

"Genma Saotome," he answered.

"And why did you call me Kikyou?"

"Cause you kinda' look like her. The one I know, I mean. Seriously, it's just a coincidence."

The woman seemed to calm down at this. "I suppose so." She turned away.

Sighing in relief, Max relaxed enough for his gi top to open. _She's not too bad_, he thought. Putting his hands behind his head, he turned to face her. "So, what are you here for? Massage? Acupuncture? Or something a bit more complex?"

Sighing again, she turned back to him. "I really don't feel it's any of your concern-" Opening her eyes, she stopped in midsentence, her mouth slightly agape as she noticed something frighteningly familiar on his chest.

"Huh?" Max said, still holding his hands behind his head. "What's wrong?"

Kikyou did not respond, her eyes fixated on Max's now exposed Big Dipper-shaped scar. _Ho-Hokuto?_ she thought. Looking up at his face, her eyes went slightly wide. _No…no, it's not possible…_

"Oh, the scar!" Max said. "Yeah, I get a lot of looks thanks to that. It's nothing, really, I got it in this weird freak accident-"

"Excuse me, miss, here's your prescription," Tofu said, holding out an envelope encasing the medication. "Oh, am I interrupting something?"

The woman snapped out of her trance, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said, taking the envelope and laying some money on the desk. "Thank you." She walked out without another word. Both Tofu and Max watched as she left. The doctor then turned to the now-younger man. "Is there anything I can do for you sir?"

"Huh?" Max quipped. He was a bit confused, until he caught on. _Dammit, I forgot I'd changed._ "Uh, nothing, I must be in the wrong place. Sorry to bother you." With that, he left for the dojo.

* * *

Ranma was at the entrance to the dojo, still in his male form. He hadn't seen any signs of the Amazons since he'd run into the old woman, and considered it a blessing that he'd gotten home undisturbed.

"I guess I'd better tell Oyaji that they're in Japan looking for us," he said to himself. "Maybe he'll know what to do about 'em."

"Airen!" came the dreaded voice once again.

"Oh no," the boy quipped. Turning to his right, he saw the purple-haired girl standing there with a wide smile on her face. "Wo ai ni!" she chirped, chasing after him.

"Augh, not this again!" Ranma yelled as he leapt to the roof and began to run.

* * *

"No way," Carlos said, looking at the young man in front of him, and taking notice of the scars on his chest. "What'd you do to yourself now?"

"Sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Max said, putting one hand behind his head. "I just didn't feel like spending all my time in a forty year-old's body, that's all."

"How'd you do it?"

"You remember Miss Hinako? Well, same thing, just in reverse. I need a large amount of chi to do it, but my new martial arts style allows me to build it up with no problem."

"Sounds cool. While you were away, our new friend showed up." He turned to the bathroom door, and out walked the body of Mousse, with its new inhabitant. He was dressed in a black suit with a longcoat, with his hair tied back into a ponytail.

"Welcome back," Max said. "You're looking sharp."

"Of course. You didn't think I was gonna stay in those lousy robes, did ya'?" he said. "I got plenty o' room in this thing to conceal all my little weapons and gadgets."

"Your eyes look a bit clearer," Max said, noticing.

"Had the laser surgery yesterday. No more glasses, no more blind-as-a-duck crap. I can see you've been quite busy yourself," he said, gesturing.

"Hey, you got a young body anyway, and you're both older than me. Is it wrong to want a body that's closer to my real age?"

"Point taken," he replied. "So what do we do next?"

"I'm not sure," Max said. "We managed to get a consultant, but we need a backdrop for this business if we're ever gonna have it."

"And what do we have?" Mordecai asked.

"The remains of that cyborg, which I'm going to study. In the meantime, we need to find a steady source of income, preferably close to home."

Mordecai took a look around the basement. "You ever thought of looking into Military Contracting?" he asked.

"Maybe," Max replied. "What are you getting at?"

"I told you, I had plenty of connections back in our world. I can get them again easily."

"Are you talking a Private Military Company? Mercs?" Carlos asked.

"Possibly. But you guys keep talking about that cyborg, so I figured you had some sort of a plan for technology development. And you always wanna start by seeking military funding. They pay the best, and they're always looking for new innovations. It'll be a perfect start for this company."

Max thought about the idea, and smiled. "I'm really glad we ran into you. Something tells me we're gonna need you the whole way."

"Glad to hear it."

"But one more thing," Max said. "I'm still dying to hear just what happened back at the Amazon village-"

A loud rumble, followed what sounded like a scream of frustration from Ranma, drew their attention upward. They all bolted up the stairs, and arrived at the garden to see Ranma leaping around the place, evading the purple-haired girl that was following him.

"Stay away from me, Shampoo!" the boy screamed as he barely dodged her once again. The girl acted like she hadn't heard him, and smiled happily as she continued to pursue him. Ranma spotted Max and the others, and stopped after landing on the wall. "Soun! Where's Oyaji? And who're those two guys with you?"

"Oh, no one in particular." Noticing Shampoo, he pointed her out. "You'd better move, son!"

"Huh?" he said, turning just in time to see Shampoo leaping towards him. Jumping into the air to dodge her, he smirked. "Ha! You'll hafta be faster than that-"

He went dead silent as he noticed he was falling towards the koi pond; and that Shampoo had rebounded off the wall, and leapt after him. "Craaaaaaaaap!"

"Ooh," Mordecai said. "That can't be good."

Up on the roof of the house, Cologne had been watching the whole event. "Looks like _you'll_ have to be faster in the future, Son-in-Law! Hahaha!" A quizzical looked crossed her face. "But, how is Shampoo going to continue as a-"

Ranma's sudden scream of terror drew her attention back to the pond. Now in girl form, she was running around the garden with a white-and-purple cat firmly attached to her hair. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!"

"What on earth?" she said to herself. Below her, Max shook his head. "Looks like the time has come." He turned to leave. "Where're you going?" Carlos asked.

"Just to grab something."

Eventually, Ranma-chan ran head-on into the wall, and crumbled to the ground, leaving a small imprint of herself. Shampoo-neko continued to claw at her face, in a feeble attempt to do some permanent damage. A few seconds later, it finally happened.

"Meow." Standing up and crawling like a cat, Ranma-chan began to hiss at Shampoo-neko. Although not deterred at first, a final growl sent the smaller cat running for cover.

"Shampoo!" the old woman said, leaping down from the roof. "What's wrong? Why are you giving up so easily?" Walking closer to Ranma, she turned back to her great-granddaughter. "What are you so scared of? She's merely crawling on her-"

A sudden swipe at the ground sent the old woman leaping back in shock. Long shavings of grass and soil had been ripped up from the ground by the single swipe. "What on earth?"

Ranma continued to growl, inching closer to Cologne. "That pose…no, it couldn't be!"

"I'm afraid it is, old bag," she heard someone say from behind her. Looking back, she saw Max approaching with a sack in his hand. "You might wanna back up for a bit."

Cologne did so, but remained close enough to see. "And just what do you intend to do? The Cat-Fist is said to be an unbeatable technique!"

"Whoever said that never bothered to use common sense," Max retorted, stopping a few feet in front of his son/daughter. Sticking a hand into his bag, he quipped "Here, kitty."

With a loud yowl, Ranma-chan leapt at her father with every intention of ripping him to shreds. Pulling his hand out of the bag, Max produced a ball of yarn, and tossed it to the side just before Ranma got to him. The martial artist changed direction in mid-air, and happily chased after it, eagerly playing with it. Soon, she had gotten herself wrapped up in yarn, and was rolling around on the ground. Finally, Max produced a hypodermic, shoved it into Ranma's neck, and the aqua-transsexual fell asleep.

"I win," he said, turning and walking back into the house. Cologne looked back and forth between him and the sleeping Ranma-chan, utterly amazed. "Unbelievable," she said. "Who would've thought the Neko-ken would succumb to the simple nature of a cat…"

"That's what you get for relying so much on all your ancient styles, old bat," a familiar voice came from behind.

Turning around, the old woman leapt back, holding her staff pointed out at the boy. "Mousse!" she said. "What are you doing here?"

"Whatever the hell I feel like," he said. Unless you've already forgotten that I'm no longer part of your tribe."

"So you say!" she retorted. "You sure had quite a way of announcing it!"

"I thought it was a pretty reasonable goodbye."

"You interrupted and ruined our most important ceremony! In the most horrific ways, no less!"

"Come on, it was just a bit of PCP."

"The sacrificial bird attacked the neighboring tribal priestess! Our younger girls were horribly traumatized by that disgusting pornography! And the most proud female warriors of both tribes were completely at the mercy of random male passerbys! It's a miracle war didn't break out!"

"Sounds to me like the most fun any of you've had in years."

"Be quiet!" she yelled. "Face it, Mousse! You're dug in too deep for us to just let you go! Did you really think we would so easily?"

"No, I think you're stupid enough to try, anyway." Pulling his hands out of the pockets of his longcoat, he beckoned to her. "Let's dance, hag."

Placing his sleeping son/daughter on a futon, Max wiped his head. "I've had a rough day; I'm turning in."

"It's only 6 pm," Carlos responded. "Plus, didn't you wanna see what happened between Mordecai and the Amazons?"

"He had me at PCP," Max said. "I'm done for the day. 'Night."

* * *

The screams of a thousand eternally damned robots filled the air, only to be drowned out by the Robot Hell jazz band rehearsing their big number. As they wrapped up the piece, the Robot Devil stopped playing his golden fiddle. "Wonderful, boys! That was almost perfect! But each of you missed a beat about a century back! This time, make it perfect, or it's the magnet chamber for the next three days! From the top!"

Drooping their heads, the bots prepared to continue, until the drum riser was destroyed by something burrowing out of the ground. The drummer hell-bot scurried away.

"What in Robo-Jericho?" the Devil said as he watched a young, Asian boy in a bandanna climb out from the hole under the drum set. Brushing the dirt out of his hair, he pulled out a beaten and torn map. "Okay, now where am I?"

The Devil walked up to answer his question. "Why, this is the most diabolical place of damnation on the East Coast, my dear boy! Robot Hell, the hell for robots! You probably made a wrong turn, I do believe the hell for Asian people is somewhere beneath Bangkok! Unless, of course, you're into suffering of the electrical rhyming type!" Moving closer, he raised his eye at the boy. "_Are_ you?"

"Huh? No, I'm not!" Ryoga retorted. "I'm trying to find Furinkan High School in Tokyo! I'd like to know where this location is, though, to know how far I am from my destination."

"Well son, you're somewhere underneath the worst theme park in New Jersey. I'd say you've got a ways to go," he said, holding his gold fiddle behind him. "Though, with your sense of direction, you'll find Walt Disney's untouched grave before you pinpoint your desired destination!" Walking away, he stopped, turned around, and narrowed his eyes at Ryoga. "Of course, if you _really_ want to get there without any problems, you _could_ make a certain deal with a certain Devil in a certain location that serves as a place of suffering for the robots of the world!"

"What are you saying?" Ryoga said.

"Oh, nothing. Just that when you make a deal with the devil, you can get anything you want with little or no repercussions!"

When Ryoga continued to stare blankly, the Devil went into a fit. "I'm saying I'll help you get to where you wanna go, you dolt! But it will cost you."

"I don't have any money."

"Oh, we're not after money, my dear boy. It's not much use down here."

"What do you want, then? My soul?"

"Maybe," the Devil said. "Or, it might be some other part of you: your eyesight, your sense of taste, your reproductive organs, or your unparalleled martial arts ability! It could be any of those!"

"But I need those to fight my nemesis when I find him!" Ryoga said.

"Listen, lost boy. You can continue looking for your home, and your arch-nemesis or whatnot until time stops, or you can risk a very small part of yourself and get there instantly! What do you say?"

Ryoga thought to himself for a moment. "How will you decide?"

"Oh, it will be random, of course!" Turning to large contraption covered in a sheet, he yanked off the sheet to reveal a gameshow wheel. "I got this cheap off The Price Is Right! Barker owed me one for giving him the ability to castrate any animal in the known universe! Anyway, the wheel merely contains several different parts of the human body, mind and spirit. I'll spin it, and we'll take whatever it lands on! It probably won't even land on something very important to you!"

Ryoga looked at the wheel; while it did contain things like 'SOUL', 'EYESIGHT', 'HAIR FOLICLES' and 'FIGHTING ABILITY', it had many smaller things like 'FASHION SENSE', 'COOKING SKILL' and 'MALIGNANT TUMOR'. Turning to the Robot Devil, he said, "And you're sure I probably won't end up losing something important to me?"

"Definitely probably not! Just sign here!" he said, pointing to a paper contract on a nearby table. Hesitating for a second, Ryoga picked up the pen, and signed.

"And here we go!" the Devil said, spinning the wheel. After a couple of seconds, it began to slow down. As it passed 'HAIR FOLICLES', Ryoga breathed a sigh, but cringed again when it came to 'FIGHTING ABILITY'. As it passed, it moved a couple more spaces before it appeared to be stopping on 'SOUL'…before it suddenly jumped another space, and came to a stop on 'SENSE OF DIRECTION'.

"Agghh!" the Robot Devil shrieked, clearly shocked.

"Wait," Ryoga said, starting to realize the situation. "You mean, I not only get to go where I want, but I get rid of my lousy sense of direction as well? Oh, this is awesome!" he yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

"Oh, what a devilishly ironic outcome!" the Devil said, sobbing into his hands.

"Hey! Don't back out on this, a deal's a deal! Now, take my lousy sense of direction and send me to Furinkan High School, chop chop!"

Sighing, the Robot Devil turned to a control panel. "Very well…" he said, pushing a few buttons. A second later, a portal opened out of thin air. "Just walk through the portal, and our deal will be finalized," he said, still sobbing.

"Yes! Goodbye years of being lost, hello Furinkan! Here I come, Saotomeeeeeeee!" he yelled, dashing forward and crashing out the nearest wall, missing the portal by several feet.

As the portal closed, the Robot Devil perked up. "Of course," he said, "in a DOUBLE devilishly ironic outcome, one can't get rid of one's lousy sense of direction one almost got rid of in a deal with the devil if one can't find the portal that will finalize said deal with the devil, thanks to said lousy sense of direction! Ahahahahahaha!"

All of a sudden, a short, dark-skinned film director with a high voice and a sweater walked out in front of the Devil, and shouted, "What a tweeeeeest!" before the Devil subsequently pummeled him with his gold fiddle. The rest of the hell-bots joined in as well.

* * *

Well, that's it. Sorry about being late, but a lot of things have been happening. My jobs have been keeping me busy, etc.

Just so you know, this takes place towards the end of _Venture Bros._ Season 2, just before _Showdown at Cremation Creek_. Hence the Monarch continuing his feud against Venture, etc, etc.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed it. I'll get ch.10 up when I can. Happy trails.

Next time: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Miko Scorned!!!


	10. Fun with Amazons, Part 2: Working Girls

**Chapter 10**

**Fun with Amazons, Part 2: Working Girls**

Like clockwork, the girlish scream rang out from the bathroom early in the evening. The girls, who were preparing for dinner, looked up from their work, and dashed to the room.

"HOT! HOT! HOT! COLD! GIMMIE COLD!" They entered the room to see Ranma-chan dousing herself with cold water.

"What's wrong, Ranma?" Kasumi asked.

"That water was boiling! What the hell were you thinking?!" she said, throwing down the pail.

Kasumi dipped her hand in the furo. "But it's barely warm."

"Huh?" Ranma said, walking up to her. "How can you do that? I swear, it was hot as hell!"

"What on earth's wrong with you this time?" Akane said, rolling her eyes.

As if on cue, something burst out of the water, splashing all three girls. Cologne stood there, on her staff, as she stared at Ranma. "Hahaha! From now on, even lukewarm water will scald you like a volcanic boil!"

"Oh my," Kasumi quipped.

"The old ghoul!" Ranma yelled. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm glad you asked, son-in-law! That pressure point I hit you with earlier today makes your whole body as sensitive as a cat's tongue. You won't ever be able to touch even the most lukewarm water ever again!"

"Which means…" Kasumi said.

"Ranma can't become a man in his current state," Akane finished.

"Damn you, old bat!" Ranma yelled, clenching his fists.

"Well, boy? Will you agree to become Shampoo's groom? If you do, I just might allow you to change back…"

"I don't need your help, hag! I'll force you to change me back!" He leapt at the old woman, who promptly leapt aside. The splash in hot water was followed by even more screams.

* * *

Max, back in his adult form, casually blocked strikes by the young Kenshiro in dojo. They were each wearing a gi, and both were sweating from the heat and workout they had gone through.

After blocking a final sidekick, Max wiped his head. "Okay, Ken," he said. "That's enough practice for today. Go wash up, then resume your meditation until dinner."

Taking a deep breath, Ken bowed. "Yes, sensei." As he left for the bath, Max sat down. Carlos, who'd been watching, walked over to his friend. "You've been teaching him nothing but basics so far. When are you going to get to training him in Hokuto Shinken?"

"When I feel confident enough in the art myself," Max replied. "I'm still learning it, and, while I can teach him some basic parts of the art, I can't really begin teaching him until I master it myself." He got up to stretch. "Hopefully, that won't be too long. I managed to bring all the books and scrolls back from China. Still, Ken's got a ways to go learning basic martial arts as it is."

"I see. Kasumi's made some tea, if you're interested."

"Sounds good to me," he replied.

* * *

"Old hag!" Ranma screamed as she kicked open the door to the building at the address she had read. "Where are you?"

"Ah, groom," the old woman replied, hopping over on her staff to the young martial artist. "Still as full of energy as ever I see. Have you come to become Shampoo's groom?"

"Come off it, old bat," the girl retorted. "I'm here to make you change me back into a boy!"

"Oh, really? And just how do you intend on doing that??

Ranma's words were stuck in her throat at this. She hadn't actually thought of how she could become a man again, and had just rushed over when she had found out where the old woman was staying. "I don't know…" she replied, looking downward. "But I'll find out by getting you to talk!" She launched forward with an attack.

Cologne easily dodged, and, with a tap from her staff, Ranma was sent flying out the door, into a trashcan out front. Dusting herself off, she rushed back inside to find the woman waiting for her. "Relax, groom. There is an easy way for you to become man again. Why, I have it right here with me." Cologne held up a tiny, circular container hanging from her neck, with the words _Phoenix Pill_ printed on it. "This pill can reverse the effects of the Cat-Tongue Shiatsu. With it, you will be able to withstand hot water once more."

A smirk came across Ranma's face. "You just made a big mistake by telling me that just now, old ghoul!" she said. "'Cause I'm just gonna take it from you right now!" Using all his speed, Ranma tried to snatch the pillbox. Still, it wasn't enough, and he was thrown back once again.

"Interesting," Cologne said, hopping out the door to see the redhead crawling out of the trashcan. "Your technique is very reminiscent of one we Amazons use. I wonder where you learned it?"

Ignoring her comment, Ranma stood up slowly, raising her fists again. "We're not done, old hag! C'mon!"

"I'm afraid we are done for today, groom. As you can see, I have customers to attend to, and I can't have you tearing up the place. Come back when you're really ready to fight, or to marry Shampoo." She went back inside, closing the door behind her.

Seething in anger, Ranma kicked a can from the pile of garbage in frustration. "Damn that old mummy! How am I gonna get that pill from her?"

"Maybe you should try something other than a direct, hands-on approach," a female voice came from behind her. Turning around, she saw another girl sitting on the wall. She was about his age, dressed in slacks and a denim jacket, and wore her long, dark blue hair in a ponytail. She leapt down from the wall, and approached Ranma. "You don't seem to know anything other than moving in without warning and attacking," she said. "No strategy at all."

"What do you care?" Ranma said. "And who are you, anyway?"

"Just someone who's been watching you ever since you got involved with that Amazon chick."

The teen's eyes went wide. "How do you know about that?"

"Because when people like that appear virtually anywhere else, you start to notice them sooner or later. Plus, I've been around their kind before."

"Wait a minute," Ranma interjected. "That means you've been to China?"

"Yep."

"And also…does that mean you…"

"Know about the springs? Yeah, that too. I figured you were also that boy when I saw how you acted. But that's not why I'm here."

"Well, then, why are you?"

"I'm here to help you get what you need."

"I don't need your help," the girl retorted. "I don't need any help from anyone, especially a girl!"

"Not my diagnosis," Fumiko said. "Just how do you intend on getting that pill? Busting into the restaurant every day, during business hours? She won't allow that."

"Well, what the hell do you suggest?" the redhead snapped back.

The blue-haired girl smirked before reaching down. "How about this?" she said, handing Ranma a flier. Looking it over, the aqua-transsexual widened her eyes. It showed a picture of a young girl wearing a waitress uniform, with the words WAITRESSES WANTED: WILL PAY WELL printed below.

"Whadd'ya think?" Fumiko said, the smile remaining on her face. "If you can get a job there, you can spend all the time you want figuring out how to get closer to the old crone. Maybe you can grab that thing during work, if you're lucky."

Ranma was left temporarily speechless as she took the flyer. "Hey, yeah," she finally said. "I mean, I'd have to wear a girl's uniform an' all, but it could actually work! I can't believe I never thought of this!" And, with that, she rushed inside. Fumiko shook her head as she listened to the aqua-transsexual demand a job from the old woman inside.

"Not even a 'thank you'?" she said. "I guess he's got an attitude problem. Still, he – er, _she's_ pretty fine. Can't wait to see her in that waitress outfit."

* * *

"Damn you, Shen! You've corrupted my students for the last time!" The wasp demon attacked.

"Really? How many 'last times' have there been now? I count at least twelve!"

He had dodged easily. She moved in to strike again. "I won't have you ruining my training sessions and turning my students into human-lovers, you half-breed scum! They should be acting like real youkai, and wiping humans from the face of the earth! Not breeding with them to make walking abominations like you!"

"Is that so?" the hanyou quipped, deflecting a strike, flipping her to the ground. "Judging by how I'm doing, I'd say us 'half-breed scum' have proven to be superior to you old types!" Striking her several times in succession, he watched as her body locked up. "We've got the best of both worlds," he said, lifting her still form up, "while you purist types remain bland and white-bread, never learning anything new or exotic! When are you going to learn," he said, hurling her into a nearby lake, "that purity is overrated!"

She splashed and sunk to the bottom, still unable to move thanks to the body-lock. Taking out a rolled piece of some sort of plant, he put it in his mouth, and lit it with a snap of his fingers. "And not just in terms of blood, either."

* * *

"Woah," Max said to himself, waking up in bed. He'd never quite had a dream like that before.

"That was weird."

* * *

"Here you go, Ken," Kasumi said, handing the boy a small boxed lunch wrapped in a blue cloth. He happily accepted it before bowing to the elder girl. "Thank you , Nee-san!" he said, heading for the door.

It was Ken's first day of elementary school with the family, and Kasumi had made sure to make him feel right at home the best she could. She smiled as she watched him leave; she had always wanted a younger brother, and was in very high spirits watching her wish become a reality.

"I'm going!" Ken said happily as he threw on his shoes, and stepped out the door. Max looked up from his breakfast to watch the boy go as well. He had noticed how Ken had changed from the serene, lonely child he'd been in China since bringing him to live with the family. Although he doubted the boy was entirely over the loss of Ryuken, he barely showed any signs of sadness. Kasumi had done of good job of making the boy feel at home.

Hearing Ranma come rumbling down the stairs, Max turned to see her female form dashing for the door, a lump of bread clasped in her mouth. Akane followed him shortly.

"Funny, how Ken can get ready for school in half the time you do, son."

"Shove it, Oyaji!" Ranma snapped.

"Whatever," Max said. "I need you to come by the dojo after school to help me train Ken, so be there."

"No can do, old man," Ranma replied, a smile on her face. "I've got plans!"

"Oh, really," Max said, looking up from his food. "What, exactly?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business!" she said, running out the door. Smiling to himself, Max began to wipe his hands off. _She must've gotten the job at the Amazon restaurant by now_, he thought. _I'll have to drop by there sometime, and see how she gets along._

* * *

Ranma stood in the Cat Café, wearing the new waitress uniform Cologne had given her. It was a bright, rather skimpy maid-like uniform, with a short skirt and leggings to boot. She'd had yet to wear something this feminine, and was feeling a bit disgruntled.

"Can't believe I have to wear this stupid thing," she pouted to herself.

"Hey, don't be so grumpy," a voice came from behind her. "The job is more than worth it. Plus, I think you look pretty fine in that get-up."

Turning around, the young martial artist was face-to-face with the girl from the day before. She, too, was wearing a waitress uniform.

"You!" she exclaimed, surprised. "What are you doing here, Fu…uh…"

"Fumiko," the girl finished. "I just thought you'd need help getting used to doing this kind of work," she said. "Plus, I could use a little extra cash myself."

"You're doing this for me?" the girl asked, dumbfounded. "Why?"

"Well, not entirely for you, but, yeah, I guess you could say that I'm helping you. I kinda' like you, is all."

Ranma went slightly red in the face, but didn't have time to respond before Cologne called the girls over for work. They went into the kitchen, and were greeted by the old woman and her great-granddaughter.

Upon seeing Ranma, Shampoo narrowed her eyes, and leapt towards her with a kick. "Ranma! I kill!"

Ranma was about to dodge when Fumiko leapt in front of him, blocking the kick. Pulling a jujutsu move, she soon had the purple-haired girl locked in a grapple on the ground. She struggled to break free, but Fumiko just smiled.

"That will be enough," a familiar voice said. "Let her go."

Fumiko did so, and stood next to Ranma, as though ready for another attack.

"Shampoo, you are not to attack Ranma during work hours. Outside of those times, though, she's fair game. Understood?"

"What?" Ranma said, surprised. "You mean, you still haven't told her…"

Cologne simply shook her head, causing Ranma to sigh. "Oh, boy."

Shampoo clearly didn't like the idea of working with her supposed target for the kiss of death, but she grudgingly nodded.

"Good. Now, let's get to work. The dinner rush will be starting soon, and I don't have much time to train you. You'll have to rely on your inherent skill for this."

She headed into the back, and the girls followed her. On the way, Ranma leaned over to Fumiko. "Why'd you stop her? You shouldn't get involved in this."

"Because you're too stuck up to fight back against girls that are trying to kill you, dummy," she replied, smirking at him. "But we'll soon fix that problem, you and I. Come on, let's get to work."

Ranma simply shrugged, and followed her.

* * *

Later that evening, the Café was packed with customers. Ranma, despite still being under the Cat's Tongue shiatsu, had managed to learn how to balance several bowls of piping hot ramen across her arms and shoulders, as well as juggle them in attempts to grab the Phoenix Pill from the old ghoul. Still, this didn't stop the occasional accident from happening, and she had to run to a readily-made pool of cold water in the back room each time she spilled the hot stuff on herself.

Fumiko fared a little better, as if she were a natural. She never had an accident with the food, and, with her attitude towards customers, quickly became popular with the crowd. Shampoo tried to compete for her share of attention, but wasn't as successful.

Nabiki had noticed this one day on her way back from school. At first, she didn't even know who the Amazons were, but had gone to talk to the old woman. Although Cologne hadn't told her everything, Nabiki had a decent grasp of the situation. "I never expected to see Ranma dress up like that, though," she said to herself, as she spied the three waitresses through the window. She noticed that Ranma was doing her best to avoid the purple-haired girl, and getting close to the blue-haired girl. "And I wonder who the hell that other girl is. Why is she so close to Ranma? Is she an old friend?" Getting an idea, she smirked to herself. "Hey, I can use this…I'm pretty sure Kuno would love to be introduced to these three waitresses. Hell, all the boys at school. They'll completely forget about Akane." She chuckled to herself before heading home.

* * *

"Enjoy your chow mien!" Ranma said, trying her best to impersonate a cute voice. The boy she served to watched her go before tending to his dish.

As soon as she was out of the boy's sight, the smile left her face. "Can't believe I keep doing that…" she groaned. She'd been hit on a number of times by high school and college-age boys, and had to hide her disgust at their flirtatious attitudes. "What a bunch of perverts. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

"Maybe you should try a different approach," someone said. Ranma looked up to see Fumiko in front of him, having just delivered a large round of ramens to a group table.

"Whadd'ya mean? All these jerks wanna do is stare at me in this lousy uniform! Look at them, acting so idiotic and childish…"

"Well, what did you expect, with the way you're acting?"

"Huh?" she muttered.

"Look, when you give them their food, you're always talking in that high-pitched, girly voice. Trying to act all cutsey, and such. What reaction do you expect?"

"What are you talking about?" Ranma said, raising an eyebrow. "All waitresses do that. Hell, pretty much all girls do that most of the time!"

"Exactly, and look where it's gotten them. Girls in this country are always talking about how boys are childish, perverted and can't take care of themselves. Still, if you want to garner a mature reaction out of someone, maybe it isn't a good idea to prance around in a frilly dress, talking like a five-year-old, and otherwise acting childish yourself. If you want them to act like men and not boys, first, you have to act like a _woman_, not a girl."

Ranma paused before responding. "But…I'm a guy."

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Not now, you're not. Just observe." She picked up another order from the counter, and approached a table.

"Here you go! One special deluxe ramen, piping hot and full of trimmings." She placed the bowl in front of the customer, and proceeded to turn around.

"Wait!" the boy said, trying to catch her attention. "You're pretty cute! How 'bout we go out after you're done with work?"

"Hmm?" Fumiko said, turning to glance at him. "What was that? That didn't sound very manly."

"Huh?" The boy blinked. "I asked you if you would-"

"I heard what you said," Fumiko interjected, facing him. "But it didn't sound very enticing. What was with that extra-cheerful attitude and that look on your face?"

"Huh?" the boy said, dumbfounded. "But this is how I talk to all the girls."

"Well, has it gotten you any?"

"What?"

"I said, has it gotten you any dates?"

"Well…no."

"Well, I guess that says it," the girl said. "Talking to all the girls like we're nothing but a bunch of cutsey-wutsey burikko. How flattering. Believe me, boy, I'm too much woman for the likes of you, if all you can handle are the cute, girly types." She turned to walk away.

"Wait!" he called after her. She stopped, and turned to face him. His voice taking on a more mature tone, he spoke again. "Sorry if I sounded like I was treating you like a child. I just thought you might enjoy some company after a long day at work."

"Well, that's very kind of you."

"And I'll admit, even if you do look cute in that uniform, I'm sure you'd look better in something else."

She smiled. "Thanks. You should see me in my Chinese clubbing get-up."

"I'll bet," he responded. "So…how about it?"

"Oh, right," she said. "Sorry, but no."

"Huh?"

"Your offer was nice and all, but I've got plans all through the week. So I'm gonna have to turn you down." She leaned in closer. "By the way, your dish is getting cold. I'd advise starting on it now. Ja ne!"

She left the dumbfounded boy at his seat as she returned to Ranma, who was watching with a slight look of awe on her face. "See? They won't act so weird if you don't. Get the picture?"

"Yeah, but…you still turned him down."

"Who said we have to accept dates or anything? This makes it more fun. Anyway, you'd better figure out your strategy for turning guys down, 'cause there's gonna be a lot of 'em in here soon enough. Business'll be booming."

"What makes you so sure about that?"

"Oh, trust me," she said, winking at him. "I took care of it."

* * *

Nabiki stared in shock as she stood in the halls of Furinkan. All over the walls, as far as she could see, were flyers. They literally wallpapered the walls and lockers, with many others in piles on the floor. Snatching one off the wall, she looked it over: it was an ad for the Cat Café, with the three girls were plastered over it; Ranma in the center, with Shampoo and the other girl on either side. All three were giving the viewer some sort of seductive gaze, promising a service that would send boys flocking to the establishment, regardless of whether that service would actually be fulfilled or not.

Nabiki crumpled the flyer in her hands, throwing it at the wall. No one would be willing to pay for information that would be displayed all over school. And, sure enough, boys were crowding around, each grabbing a flyer, and talking about stopping by on the way home. "Who the hell could've done this?" she said to herself. "It's as if they were reading my mind!" A thought came to her, and she sighed angrily. "It's Ranma's old man, of course," she said, walking away. "Damn him. I have a feeling he's trying to undermine my personal business. I'll have to keep a watch on him."

* * *

It had been a long day for Max. He actually hadn't even bothered with going to check up on Ranma at her new job, instead going over business plans with Carlos and Mordecai. At dinner, Nabiki had been giving him a sort of look, and, when the rest had left the table, made an off remark about school and flyers involving Ranma and Shampoo. Max didn't know what she was talking about, but assumed he would find out eventually, whatever it was.

For some reason, Ranma hadn't come home that night, and hadn't given a reason for staying out. Max wasn't really worried, knowing the kid could handle a lot on his own. Plus, it meant he'd get the room to himself tonight. Rolling up in his futon, he fell into a deep snooze.

* * *

"Okay…", the Chinese hanyou said to himself as he stared at the rather odd looking group of demons in front of him. Their appearance was strange, to say the least: flimsy green bodies with beady eyes, and slits for a nose. They also had webbed hands and feet, and wore only loincloths. "The welcoming committee sure is…more _amphibious_ than usual…"

These things, whatever they were, had ambushed him when he began searching a cave. He was investigating the disappearance of several young girls in the area, a phenomenon for which he had been largely blamed, with no help coming from Kikyou. Shen was out to clear things up, and had been led here.

"If this is some sort of a bathhouse retreat or whatever for you guys, I'm sorry…anyway, unless you know the whereabouts of about two dozen young Japanese village girls, I'm gonna have to ask you to move on-"

"Gru heh heh…" a low voice cackled. "Seize him, my children!"

On cue, the green men advanced, leaping at the hanyou, and latching onto him. Shen immediately felt the gooey residue their bodies left behind. "Eww, okay, okay! There's no need for this- oh god, the sloughing!" He threw the one on his back off, and moved to strike. "Okay, juniors, have a nice dose of the art of the Big Dipp-"

He struck one of the youkai with a Hokuto Shinken technique, but, instead of a pressure point, felt only a sticky, gooey sensation as his hand literally dug into the beast. "Okay, that's just _wrong_," he said, pulling his smelly residue-covered hand out. Turning to another behind him, he readied a kick. "Well, how about this- ewww!"

He had landed the kick in what looked like the things' abdomen, and it had gotten stuck in the elastic, fluid-filled body. "Okay, you guys don't even have bones, do you?" Trying to balance on one leg, he was immediately tackled to the ground by the others. Finding it hard to break free or fling them off with their bodies, he watched as the user of the previous voice approached.

"Gru heh…very good, my children." It looked like a large, bulky youkai wearing an old kimono. It's head, however, was wrapped in white cloth. "I finally have the accursed fighting hanyou Du Shen in my grasp."

"Whatever, pal," Shen replied. The green henchmen pulled him to his feet. "You too cowardly to send a challenge like all the other uptight retards I've pissed off?"

"Silence, fool! You may be strong, but you are at the mercy of my children! I know you've been pursuing my newly-acquired young ladies…don't think I'll just hand them over!"

"So it _was_ you," he said. "And I never expected you guys to hand them over. I usually do the work. So, if you'd just unmask yourself so we can get this over with…"

"Very well, hanyou," the demon said. Its' head began to grow bigger under the wrapping. "Gaze upon the face of the mighty Tsukumo no Gama!" The wrapping burst off, revealing the head of what looked like a large frog demon.

Shen was speechless, and not in the awed way. A goofy smile formed on his face. "Tsukumo…heh heh…ha ha ha!" He fell to his knees. "Bwaaaaaahhhhh!"

The frog demon, apparently expecting his captive to cower in terror, was dumbfounded by the reaction. "Oy…what are you doing-"

Shen was on all fours now, laughing uncontrollably as he pointed at the demon. "GIANT FROG! BWAAAHAHAHAHAH!"

"I am the fearsome, powerful Tsukumo no Gama! You should be cowering in dreaded fear-"

Amongst Shen's continued laughing, he noticed that the two green henchmen who'd been restraining him were beginning to chuckle to themselves. "Hey!" he yelled. "I don't want to hear a single croak of laughter from you two!"

"THE—FROG—SAID—_CROAK_! HAHAHA!!!"

Enraged, Tsukumo no Gama stood up straight. "That's it! Hold him down!" The green youkai all swarmed on Shen, pulling him to the ground. The frog demons' face began to enlarge before he let out a blast of miasma that engulfed them all. "Once I've killed Du Shen, I'll be the most feared and respected youkai in the land!" The sound of several bodies being knocked to the ground made his evil grin fade. "What?"

As the miasma cleared, he saw Shen standing over the bodies of all his henchmen, rubbing his hand together. "Idiot," he said. "Just because the miasma won't hurt them doesn't mean it won't cloud their senses. By the way, I got used to it long ago. It's nothing but child's play for me." He looked at his hands. "Though, it still doesn't do anything about this stupid goop all over me." He took up a fighting stance. "I guess you're gonna have to pay for that."

"Die!" the frog demon yelled, shooting its long tongue at him. Shen smacked it aside, and rushed in to attack. "Let's pound through that flabby body of yours! Hokuto Jyuzahan!" He delivered a volley of kicks to the demon before striking with a couple of chops. Tsukumo no Gama froze up, and collapsed. However, while badly hurt, it began moving again.

"Fool," he said. "It will take more than your techniques to kill me! My body is nothing but a shell anyway!"

_That's right_, Shen thought. His vital points would be all but impossible to find this way. _I've gotta find another way to deal with this douche_. He took off running deeper into the cave, dodging the demon's extending tongue. He had to come to a skidding stop to keep himself from falling into a pond of water near the back. _What the hell is this doing here…hey, that's it!_

Bringing his hands together, he began to concentrate his chi, forming an intense heat. The ball of chi in his hand grew bigger and brighter, until it reached the level he wanted, and hurled it into the pond. A few seconds later, the whole body of water began to boil, with steam pouring up into the air.

_Any second now…_ he thought. Sure enough, a cry of anger sounded further down the cave as the frog demon approached. "You've caused me enough trouble, Shen!" he cackled. "But it will be worth it for me to kill you! I'll be the most feared demon in all the land, the one who killed the detested hanyou Du Shen! I'll be worshipped and respected by even the most powerful demons! I'll practically become a god!"

"When you're done congratulating yourself ahead of time, it's your move," Shen quipped.

Tsukumo no Gama launched his long tongue at the half-demon martial artist. Shen caught it in his hands as it streaked past him, and, with a smirk that garnered a look of shock from the frog demon, swung him by his tongue into the pond of boiling water. The demon screamed in agony as his body was scalded beyond recognition. As the body began to die, Shen noticed the ghostly form of a frog rise up from it, and hover in the air. He cracked his knuckles. "Well…not so tough without your ugly, flabby form, are you- hey!"

The frog spirit retreated into a hole in the roof of the cave, disappearing from sight. "Shit," Shen said, dropping his hands. "Hate it when they pull those little escapes. Well, I'll get him next time." Looking down into the pond, which had cooled off from his chi blast, he noticed something. Deep in the water were what looked like several giant frog eggs; only, inside them were the nude forms of several young human girls.

"Yikes," he said to himself. "Everything this guy touches is just plain wrong. Well, better get 'em out of there…"

"Halt!" a voice called from the other end of the cave. Recognizing the voice, Shen turned to see a familiar miko standing about ten feet from him, an arrow poised and ready to fire. "Back away from the pond. You won't be touching those girls."

Shen sighed, shaking his head. "Well, sorry for saving them from a fate worse than death. Am I even gonna get a 'thank you' for all my troubles, or will you simply take the credit for a problem I solved?"

"Silence! I never asked you to help me out. I've been searching for the missing girls for two weeks. You only started yesterday!"

"Yeah. And I _still_ beat you to 'em. What's that say, huh?"

"SHUT UP! I'm sick of you always interfering with my work. If I find you in my way again, I won't hesitate to use my Hama no Ya on you."

"Hey, it's time you got over your stupid prejudices and accepted my help. I don't like to brag, but I'm better at this than you. I know how demons think and work."

"Really," the miko said, not breaking her glare. "Did you destroy the Tsukumo no Gama's spirit?"

Shen opened his mouth, hesitated, and then groaned.

"Pitiful," she said. "He'll no doubt be back to harm innocent women once again. It seems you don't so much care about human life as you enjoy killing demons."

"So this is the thanks I get for busting my ass, getting covered in frog goop, and nearly laughing my self to death while saving those village girls? The people say that you're kind; maybe they'd like to know the awful truth about you."

"What they need to know is that pathetic hanyou such as yourself are the enemies of society. The monks and I raise our pupils to be pure, honest, and free of earthly desires; you try to corrupt them with your filthy practices."

"I took a few homely Buddhist prodigies out to gamble and get laid, so what? They need a little excitement in their lives, and they sure as hell aren't getting it from the likes of you."

"Enough! I tire of this. Be gone, or I will strike you down with my purifying arrow!"

"All right, fine. Yeesh." He began to walk away, the priestess keeping her arrow trained on him the whole time. As he passed her, he slowed down.

"You wanna know what the difference between you and me is?"

"What?" she replied with contempt.

"People may respect you, and call you kind; but they're afraid of you. They can't really see you as one of them. Me, on the other hand, they can relate to. They like me, because I show them a good time as well as protect them. Trying to hide behind your ridiculous façade of purity won't help you."

"Be gone."

Shen exited the cave, stretching his arms. "Man, what a bitch."

* * *

Max woke up, dumbfounded by the latest dream. This was the second time he had dreamed of Du Shen, and this one didn't make any real sense.

"Okay that definitely wasn't right." Remembering the demon from the dream, a light went off in his mind. "What the hell was Kikyou doing there? What was Shen even doing in Japan?"

None of it made sense. Max was at a loss at how to summarize it all, until he remembered the woman he had encountered at Dr. Tofu's place.

"No way," he said. "But, crazier things have happened." Thinking for a bit longer, he made up his mind. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

Kikyou sighed as she drank a small cup of tea at a local café. She'd just finished her latest session, and, since she had a while before her next one, was going to return to the Sengoku Jidai. She only hoped the medicine she'd received would be helpful in handling her stress.

She was still thinking about the person she had met at the doctor's office, and the scar on his chest. _How could another person have that exact same scar?_ She didn't want to believe that that person could still be around. _They told me he died years after I died. Is it possible that he…could have been reincarnated?_ She shuddered. _Why would an uncouth beast such as him be brought back to life in any shape or form?_ Brushing it off, she finished her tea.

Leaving the shop, she boarded a train, heading to a different district of Tokyo. She failed to notice, however, that she was being followed.

After getting off the train, she took a bus to her final destination, stopping at a high staircase that led to a shrine. She began to ascend the stairs, still not noticing the person far behind her.

Max had guessed that she would come here, but couldn't be sure at first. So, he had snuck into the doctor's office to find out who had prescribed her the medicine, and looked up where the psychiatrist worked. From there, he had simply followed her after her latest appointment.

By the time he had reached the top of the staircase, Max couldn't see Kikyou. _Shit,_ he thought. _Did I lose her?_ However, she appeared from behind the shrine, and Max ducked further down the staircase to avoid being seen. Peeking his head out, he could see that she had changed from her modern clothing into her miko outfit. He watched her enter the shed that housed the well Kagome and Inuyasha used to travel between the time periods.

Slowly and quietly making his way closer, Max got just close enough to notice a flash of light coming from the shed. Entering it, he saw the well he had seen in the pages of the titular manga. Shrugging to himself, he leapt into the well.

* * *

A flash of light later, he was floating in mid-air, surrounded by darkness. A few seconds later, he dropped to the ground. Looking up, he saw the opening of the well. Leaping out of it, he landed on the ground, and got a glimpse of the forest of the past.

He began to walk around, taking in the scenery. _Just like in the manga_, he thought. _That tree must be around here, too_. Sure enough, the Goshinboku tree was just around the corner. He walked up to the enormous tree, eyeing the spot where Inuyasha had been sealed.

_Cool_, he thought. _Multiple anime making up one universe. I wonder what others there are?_

An odd, tingling sensation on his neck drew his attention away from the tree. Smacking at the disturbance, he felt his hand crush something. Pulling it away, he found another familiar face sitting right tin his hand.

The tiny flea puffed himself full of air before shaking himself off. "Ah, sorry about that, but I needed some blood…and yours is _very_ tasty, sir." He looked up at Max. "I hope you can…" His eyes slowly went wide.

"Huh? Is that you, Du Shen-sama?" he exclaimed. "But that's not possible! You died more than fifteen years ago! Er, but then again, so did Inuyasha-sama and that young miko woman…and they're somehow back from the dead…you do look extraordinarily like him, though…I'm afraid I don't know what to think a the moment…" he said, fidgeting.

Max smiled. "Hello, Myoga."

"Huh?" he said in shock. "You know me? Then who else could you be?"

"No, you're right. Well, kind of, anyway." He used one hand to unbutton his shirt, revealing his seven-pointed scar. "Is this what you were thinking of?"

The flea's eyes widened again. "The scar of Hokuto…it _is _you! Du Shen-sama!" He hopped up to Max's chest, attempting some sort of a hug. "How did you come back? Were you not really dead? Or were you possibly reincarnated?"

"Well," Max said, scratching his head. "I'm not exactly sure. In fact, I'm not sure I'm this Du Shen guy, either."

"What do you mean, Du Shen-sama?"

"I told you, I don't know if I'm him or not. I've just been seeing his memories in my dreams, recently."

"Hmm. It could be that many of your memories were left behind when you were reincarnated. But you must be Shen! You look just like him, and that scar is too much to be a coincidence!"

"Again, I'm not sure," Max said. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Still, I would like to know why I'm having these dreams, or if there's anything I can do about them."

Myoga hopped back into Max's hand. "I'm afraid this is not my field of expertise, Du Shen-sama. However, there's someone who might be able to help you. I'm not sure if you remember him, but he was your dear friend when you were alive. Come with me, and we'll see what he thinks!" The flea hopped to the ground, and began hopping further down a trail. Max shrugged, and followed him.

* * *

In a cave of bone and rock in the vicinity of an active volcano, Totosai blew another blast of flame on the horseshoe he was making for his ox before smacking it with a small hammer. He repeatedly tapped at it as he held it over a large stone platform.

"Pretty good," he said, holding it up to his face, "but still needs more work."

"Oy! Totosai-san!" a voice came from outside his tiny cave.

"Huh? Visitors?" The blacksmith turned to see who it was. "Ah, Myoga," he said, eyeing the flea. "And who's your friend?" he asked, looking at Max.

"You won't believe it, Totosai-san! It's Du Shen-sama! He's back from the dead!" the flea happily exclaimed, hopping up and down.

"Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself?" Max quipped.

"Du Shen?" Totosai said, looking at the boy more closely. "That's not possible. He died years ago."

"I honestly believe he has been brought back to us through reincarnation!" Myoga replied. "You remember that Inuyasha and Kikyou are now back among us. How is it any less possible for Du Shen-sama to be back? And besides, he looks just like him! And he has the seven-pointed scar as well!"

Totosai stood up to get a better view of the scar, which was still visible thanks to Max's open shirt. He stared at it for a long time, though his expression did not change. "Yes, you are very reminiscent of Du Shen…however, do you remember anything that would confirm it?" he asked.

"Er…no, I guess," Max said, uneasy. "I've just been having these dreams of the guy, is all. I've been learning the art he practiced, and I learned a bit about the guy when I was in China, but, other than that, I don't know much."

"That's why we've come, Totosai-san. "If I remember correctly, you used to dabble in alchemy and the like. You once made elixirs for various uses. By any chance did those include something to help with one's memory?"

Putting his hand on his chin, Totosai continued to look at Max as he thought. "Well, I'm still not sure if I believe that you're truly Du Shen," he said. "That scar is certainly uncanny, though. And it just so happens I did once try to concoct an elixir that could help one regain their memory. However, it's never really been successful each time I tried it."

"We're asking you to try once again, Totosai. We have to know for sure whether this lad is Du Shen's reincarnation."

Thinking for a bit longer, the blacksmith finally nodded. "Very well," he said. "I shall try one more time. However, I cannot guarantee its success. In fact, it may have side effects!"

"Like what?" Max said.

"Oh, occasional headaches, a cloudy mind from time to time; nothing too serious. Still, do you want to try it?"

Max sighed. "Well, I don't want to keep having these dreams like this. I guess I'll try it."

"Al right then. It will take me time to gather the needed ingredients and concoct the elixir, so find something to do for a bit!" He walked off to a small chamber in the cave, and set to work.

While Totosai worked on making the elixir, Max spent most of his time talking to Myoga, who had a lot of questions. Max recounted his dreams to the flea, who seemed to recall some of the events himself.

"Ah, so that's how you took care of the Tsukumo no Gama. I always knew you were the one that did it."

"Whadd'ya mean by that?"

"Kikyou always claimed she killed it and saved the girls. As far as I can recall, she never mentioned you. Then again, she never liked you from the start."

Max sighed before Totosai appeared before them, holding a ceramic teacup with steam rising from the brownish-green liquid inside. "Here, drink this. If it works, it will clear your mind of all that blocks your memories."

Max took the cup, and got a whiff of the fumes. Pulling the cup away, he coughed. "Yikes. What's in this, livers?"

"Of course not. There's some oxen blood, but it's mostly minerals. Go ahead, it's mostly harmless."

_Mostly?_ Max thought. Still, he saw no other way to explain the dreams, and downed the whole thing in one gulp. It tasted horrible, but he didn't spit any of it up. Slowly, he began to feel drowsy. "Hey…what's this? I feel…kind'a…"

He fell to the ground, drifting into sleep. Myoga became ecstatic. "What happened, Totosai-sama? Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine," the blacksmith replied. "The elixir is doing its work. When he wakes up, he should have a clearer memory of his past. If he's the real Du Shen, that is."

"I see," the flea said. "Well, let's get him to rest."

* * *

Max was dreaming again. It was the same when he had dreamed before; he was looking through the eyes of the Chinese hanyou he'd learned so much about in the past week. He knew, because he was pounding the living bejeezus out of a demon that looked like a dragon-rooster hybrid, and finished it off with the trademark Hyakuretsu attack. Then, like a movie jump cut, it was followed by another dream; this one had him gambling with a group of samurai in a game of dice. Another one had him getting intimate with a human female, while another saw him fighting off a rather notable demon sporting a fur coat.

Dream after dream, memory after memory flowed back into Max's mind. He was suddenly aware of these events, and recalled them as if they had happened to him. He was remembering being Du Shen. Not only that, but an extensive knowledge of Hokuto Shinken also flooded his brain, answering several questions and filling several empty spaces for techniques he'd been struggling to master. The feeling was wonderful.

* * *

With a sudden jolt of energy, Max bolted awake from his not-so-peaceful slumber. Breathing heavily, he found he was lying on a futon, with both Myoga and Totosai sitting before him. Sitting up, he calmed his breathing, and smiled.

"Is it really you? Du Shen-sama?"

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that," Max replied. "Just my name will be fine. I don't like honorifics."

"It is you!" the flea said, hopping up and down.

"Haven't seen you two in a while," the reincarnated hanyou said. "It's great to be back."

* * *

Over the next two hours, the three caught up on old times while helping themselves to some of Totosai's hot sake.

"Ah, yes! So it was you who defaced the sacred sutras of the Tengu tribe!" Totosai laughed. "I should have known!"

"Well, a few mushrooms and herbs'll do that to ya'. Plus, they shouldn't have been bothering that human village at the foot of their mountain."

"And don't forget the time you killed that rampaging dragon demon that had made it's way into Musashi's domain! That was a hell of a fight!"

"Kikyou didn't think so," Max replied. "She was just mad that his brains and innards were splattered all over her shrine and the crops."

"Yes, but, if you ask me, in retrospect, it made good fertilizer," Myoga said. "That fight came when their yields were almost nothing. The following year, they had a splendid harvest!"

"That's what I'd been trying to tell her. But, being the stuck-up bitch she is, she just wouldn't listen."

"You don't have to be so harsh towards her, Du Shen-sama. She was just looking out for her people. Still, she could have been more appreciative, I guess."

"Well, at least Inuyasha came to help me in that fight. He even defended me when Kikyou blew up after the incident."

"Ha, I never understood why, but he always liked you," Myoga said. "Maybe it was the fact that you're both half-demons, and loved a good fight."

"That, and I provided a decent alternative to the uptight lifestyle of his girlfriend," Max said, taking another swig. "Anyway, how're those two doing right now? I hear they're back among the living."

"Well, Inuyasha's doing okay, I suppose," the flea said, pondering to himself. "He's wielding that sword of his pretty nicely."

"Is he?" Totosai interjected. "I'll have to see that for myself before I decide to let him keep it."

"But Kikyou, well…let's just say that their reunion wasn't a happy one. I wonder if they'll ever be able to reconcile. Inuyasha-sama has gained new friends, but Kikyou remains as lonely as ever, snatching up souls just to keep herself in earthly form…"

"Really," Max said, eyeing the flea. "And she still calls herself the moral one?"

"You'd best not be going to find her, Du Shen-sama. I doubt she'd be pleased to know you're back."

"Ha! I'd worry more about what Sesshomaru would have to say!" the blacksmith piped, taking another swig of sake.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me he's still pissed about that," Max groaned.

"Have you ever known him to be the type to drop a grudge?" Myoga said.

"Yeah, but it was so long ago. Like, what – 70 years?"

"73, by my count. Still, not a hundred, nor a thousand years will be long enough for him to forget such a degradation."

"A laxative potion and a few freaky mushrooms count as a degradation?"

"They do when he's fighting one of his father's oldest enemies," Myoga said.

"In front of a proud native demon tribe, no less," Totosai added.

"All right, I get it! Still, I think he looked pretty good in that make-up."

"His face was all the more terrifying when he finally came to his senses," quipped the flea.

"Yeah," Max laughed. "Anyway, it's been a while since we've all had a little fun together-"

A voice interrupted them. "Oi! Totosai!" A large, wolf-like demon dressed in armor walked up the volcano, appearing in front of the group. "I need some work on a blade of mine! I bent it in a scuffle with a lizard demon-" He stopped in his tracks when he saw the others. "Oh, you have clients already…wait a moment…" He noticed the human next to Totosai. "Holy…it can't be!"

"Ah! Royakan!" Myoga said, hopping up and down. "Good to see you again!" He hopped up to the wolf demon. "You won't believe it! Du Shen-sama is back among the living!"

Royakan gazed closer at Max, inspecting the scar on his chest. "That's not possible!" he said. "You died long ago! How can you be back?"

"It's good to see you too, Royakan," Max said, smiling. "Sorry to scare you like this, but I'm back."

The demon smiled a toothy smile. "That's wonderful, sir! How did you come back?"

"He's been reincarnated, Royakan! In the time to come, no less! Just like Kikyou!"

"I was just talking about how we hadn't had fun together in a while," Max said. "So, I wanted to suggest we have a little fun tonight." He pulled a metal flask from his pocket. "Totosai; do you still have any of those special minerals and mushrooms you used to make all the time?"

"Oh, you mean those ones? Why yes, I believe I do."

"Well go get them. I've got plans for them."

Totosai did so, and Max mixed them with the liquor from his flask, and poured it into three cups, and a small sake sipper for Myoga. The four of them held their cups.

"A toast," Max said, "to hedonism. For all its faults, it gives us the time of our lives. And sticks it to those uptight jerks we don't like!"

They all laughed, and drank. "Now let's go out and have a night on the land!" Myoga said, throwing his cup aside. The other three cheered in agreement.

* * *

Kikyou walked through the forest in the dark of night, her soul collector demons swarming around her. Each of them was bringing her a new soul of a young woman to help her maintain herself. She was back in the feudal era, where she belonged, and felt a little more comfortable.

She'd passed by her old domain and to talk to her sister. Although she didn't dare mention that she was traveling between the worlds, she asked if she had noticed anything suspicious lately. Her sister hadn't, so Kikyou had gone on her way, searching for yet another village to lay low in as she sought information on Naraku and collected souls.

She wondered if she had been worrying about nothing. The person had looked similar, and had a scar. There was nothing else to suggest that he was the accursed hanyou from her past. Still, she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

She was glad she had brought the modern medicine with her. Her tasks were tough enough as it were.

* * *

As morning came, the sun rose over the horizon. It came to shine on three characters sprawled out across the ground in the middle of a Buddhist temple. They were surrounded by various sake bottles, discarded garments, and truffles of garbage.

When the sun hit his eyes, Max finally woke up. He immediately clutched his head.

"Ow! Oh, man, that hurts…geez, how much did I drink again?"

Looking around, he noticed the surrounding clutter, as well as their current location. The temple, if it could still be called one, was in utter ruins. In addition to the mess, there was graffiti and scroll paper all over the walls and statues.

"Like I had to ask." He heard another groan to his left. "Myoga? You awake?"

"Is that you, Du Shen-sama?" the flea asked, rubbing his head. "I feel absolutely terrible. I shouldn't have had all that sake, or those other things you brought back…"

"Don't worry. You'll be fine, eventually-" He stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed something about Myoga. He was about ten times larger than usual, around the size of a football. "Forget alcohol. How much blood did you suck last night?"

"Huh?" the flea said. "Oh, that. It will be hard to move like this. Give me a minute..." And, like a nasty enema, he expelled all the excess blood from his body through his mouth, which ended up in a bad-smelling puddle on the ground. He shrank back to his normal size in the process.

"Okay, I'm this close to puking again," Max said, holding his hand over his mouth. "Where're the others?"

He turned around, and saw Royakan laying facedown in the rock garden of the temple. There was something struggling under his enormous form. "What the…" Max said, struggling to stand up, and approach the wolf demon. Moving slowly and carefully, he lifted up the unconscious demon's body, and saw what it was: Royakan was clutching a small tanuki, which was struggling for dear life.

"Holy…where the hell did you come from?" He pried the animal from Royakan's hands, and it ran off wailing, out of the temple.

"Okay, that was just weird. Hey, Royakan, buddy! Wake up!" he said, shaking him.

The large demon slowly opened his eyes. "Huh? Myoga? Du Shen? Totosai…oh my, my head hurts!" He clutched his temple.

"That makes three of us," Max said. "Now we just need to wake up Totosai, and…"

He remained silent as he looked around. The blacksmith was nowhere to be seen.

"Oi! Totosai!" Max yelled, holding his hands to his mouth. "Where the hell could he be?"

"I don't know, Du Shen-sama. Last I remember, he was with us."

"How log ago do you remember?" Max asked.

Myoga stared at him blankly before scratching his head. "You know what? I'm not sure."

"What the hell happened last night?" Max said, clutching his head of ruffled hair.

"Oh boy, I wish I could remember," Royakan said, slowly standing up. "I've got this nasty taste in my mouth, too." He began wiping his teeth, when he noticed something, to his shock. "Am…am I missing a fang?"

"Huh?" Max and Myoga turned around. Sure enough, one of his two largest fangs was indeed missing. All that remained was a nasty socket.

"Oh, man, that's weak," Max said. "Chipped clean off, too." Myoga hopped onto his shoulder, and he got a closer look at the flea. "Myoga…why are you black?"

"What?" he asked.

"What are you covered in? Soot?"

Myoga inspected himself. "Oh, dear! Looks like you're right. My head hurt so bad, I didn't notice 'till now!"

"Why would you? You look as ridiculous as always." He laughed.

"Well, you don't look much better, Du Shen-sama."

"What?" Max said. Walking over to the pond, which was barely reflective due to being polluted, he looked at himself. Not only was his hair slightly burnt, but there was a kanji character written on his forehead. No, it was-

"Is that…_carved_ into my forehead?!" Max said in shock. He tried to touch it, then recoiled. "Ow! Still hurts!"

"Well, I can only wonder how any of this happened. I mean, just how did I get covered in soot?" Myoga asked.

"Totosai must have been having some fun," Royakan said. "Speaking of which, where is he?"

"Good question." Max sighed. "Great. Just great. We don't remember anything about last night, we're all a complete mess, and, to top it off, we've lost Totosai."

"Perhaps we should go looking for him?"

"Yeah, probably; before the keeper of this temple sees what we've done to it, anyway." Max took a few steps before he heard a crumpling sound under his feet. Looking down, his eyes went wide.

"A beer can?" Indeed, it was. "How can that be?" After a thought, it came to him. "No way…we didn't…"

"What's wrong, Du Shen-sama?"

Max sighed a long, deep sigh. "Guys, I think we covered a lot more ground than just the countryside. Anyway, let just go. The sooner we find Totosai, the better."

* * *

About two hours of walking later, they were getting closer to Musashi's domain. They had been following the long trail of destruction and debauchery left over from last night. Most the people they had come across, however, had run away screaming; the exceptions were a few farmers who remembered drinking with them, some brothel girls who called out to them, and a group of thugs who claimed they owed them gambling losses.

As they continued, Max noticed more items from the modern era lying on the ground; liquor bottles, clothes, porn magazines, even broken electronics. He stopped the group when they came across two long streaks in the earth that stretched out for miles.

"What the hell are these things? Tire tracks?" he asked himself.

"Maybe we hijacked a wagon and went for a joyride," Myoga said.

"These look too wide for that…"

"Hey, guys! Over here!" Royakan yelled from over a small hill. Running to the top, Max and Myoga found a rather interesting sight.

All around the hill were enormous cracks in the earth, as if a small earthquake had taken place. Only the cracks were filled in with a dark gray stone matter.

"That looks kinda' like…"

"Cooled magma!" Myoga finished for him. "Totosai was here, all right."

"I found his hammer!" they heard Royakan say. Looking over, they saw him holding it up for them to see. "As well as these," he said, pointing to a bunch of crudely carved stone statues. All of them looked like Totosai, though each one had a different expression.

"He must've gone on a smelting spree, or something," Max said. Inspecting the statues closer, he chuckled. "What is he now, a post-modern artist?"

"I found something else as well, Du Shen-sama," Royakan added, holding up a staff. It had two heads at the top, on either side.

"I think I've seen that staff before, somewhere," Max said, trailing off. "Anyway, let's follow these tracks, whatever, they are. Bring both of those with you, Royakan."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

They continued for a while, following the tracks, until they came to a sight that made the young martial artist's jaw drop.

"I don't even wanna know how we brought that back here," Max said.

Before them, parked right through a wall of a Shinto shrine, was an honest-to-god, red 1969 Dodge Charger. To add insult to injury, all the windows were broken, and nasty signs were tagged all over the hull. The group walked up to inspect the battered machine.

"What's this, Du Shen-sama?" Myoga asked.

"A modern vehicle. One that runs on petroleum," he answered. "Looks like we did have a joyride, boys. Just not in a lousy wagon." Hearing noises from inside, he poked his head through a window crack. "Totosai?"

It wasn't the blacksmith. What it was, however, made him cringe. "Oh, crap…"

Sitting in the dirty, soiled backseat of the charger was a small infant in a baby car seat. Only it definitely wasn't human; it had wings for arms, a coat of black feathers, and was wearing a small, red priests' hat. It was staring at Max, a confused expression on its face.

"What is it, Du Shen-sama?" Myoga said, hopping onto his shoulder to take a look, his eyes bugging out when he saw it too. "Du Shen-sama…is that a Tengu child?"

"Yes it is," Max replied. "A Tengu royal child, to be more specific. Look at the hat on its head."

"Does that mean the Tengu tribe is looking for us?"

"Probably."

They were interrupted by a loud clunking sound coming from the trunk. "What's that?" Royakan asked.

"No way," Max said, dashing to the trunk. "Totosai?" Realizing he had no key, he busted open the lock with his hand, and pulled it open.

A small, green figure hurled itself at max, knocking him to the ground. Shaking his head, Max got a look at the figure. "Jaken?!"

"Argh! Dammit! I thought I was going to be in there forever!" The tiny demon was nude, and covered in soot and other filth. "Damn you, Du Shen! Not only do you come back from the dead to torment my master, but you have throw me in the back of some metal beast and leave me in there for hours! I thought I was going to be killed!"

Realizing he was naked, he made an attempt to cover himself. "Ah! My robe must have gotten lost! I must get back to Sesshomaru-sama!" He turned to run, before he noticed what Royakan was holding. "Give me that!" he said, snatching the staff of heads back before running off into the distance.

The three of them stood in their tracks, staring as the tiny demon disappeared. "What the hell was that?" Max asked.

"I'm not sure, Du Shen-sama; though I'm afraid we likely also drew the ire of Sesshomaru last night as well."

"Wonderful," Max said, rolling his eyes. "Now I've got him to deal with. So much for reconciliation after all these years." Taking another glance in the trunk, he noticed something. "Hey, what's this?"

* * *

As he was running through the woods, Jaken suddenly stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide.

"Oh no! I forgot to grab Sesshomaru-sama's sword on my way out!"

* * *

Max held the sheathed katana in his hands. "This is Tenseiga, isn't it?" he said.

"Is it? How do you know what it is, Du Shen-sama?"

"Uh…" Max let out, trying to find an alibi. "Um, Totosai told me, earlier last night. It's the sword made from your old master's other fang."

"Ah, I see. It looks like a magnificent blade."

"I'm sure it is. Still, it doesn't help our situation." Taking another look inside, he saw something else, and reached to pick it up. "Hey, Royakan – found your fang!" He held it up for the youkai to see before tossing it to him.

"Uh, thank you, Du Shen-sama," he said, holding the fang.

"Don't mention it. Now, if only we could find our friend, instead of a bunch of items that don't belong to us." He sat down on the hood of the car. "We've searched high and low, and we still can't find him. What are we doing wrong?"

"Du Shen-sama…you don't think we could have left him in the modern era, do you?"

Max contemplated the thought for a bit before shaking his head. "I hope not. But it looks like we'll have to consider the possibility."

"All this searching, and still no sign of him," the flea said, hopping up to Max's shoulder. "He could be anywhere, even in the other world. I wonder when we'll see him again."

"Well, until then, we've always got those ridiculous looking statues to remind us of him."

Upon hearing this, Royakan's ears perked up, and he thought to himself. "Wait a minute…statues?" It hit him like a ton of bricks. "You guys! I know where Totosai is now!"

"Huh?" Max said in surprise.

"You do?" Myoga added.

"Yes! Remember, about sixty years ago, that party you threw in the northern lands with all those monks; we played a prank on Totosai –"

"– by molding a statue over his own body!" Myoga finished for him. "I remember that! He woke up inside it, and tried to yell at us, but couldn't! It was hilarious!"

"I remember that too," Max said. "That must be what we did! Quick, we've gotta get back there and let him out!" Hesitating, he opened the door to the Charger, and unhooked the Tengu infant from the kiddie seat. "Royakan! You're carrying him – er, her!" he corrected himself.

"What? Why?"

"Because Myoga's too small, and I'm the only one strong enough to use Totosai's hammer to break him out! Plus, us having the baby was probably your fault."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Now, let's go!"

* * *

Kikyou stood, dead in her tracks, her face a light shade of blue, her eyes narrow and twitching at what she saw.

To say that her shrine was a mess would be an understatement. It was beyond ruined; words could not describe the debauchery that had no doubt gone on here the previous night.

Fences and wooden structures were broken; liquor bottles, discarded clothes, and lewd pictures and drawings were scattered everywhere; chickens, pigs and other farm animals were scurrying around the area for no apparent reason; the pool of sacred misogi water was contaminated with things she didn't want to try and guess; there was a large, gaping hole right through the wall of the shrine; and vulgar graffiti coated every inch of the shrine.

Snapping out of her trance, she approached the structure. "Who or what on earth could have done this?" she asked herself. Her question was answered in the form of a note, nailed to the entrance of the shrine, written on the back of a sacred scroll. Tearing it off, she read it:

_Hey, Ice Queen! Hope you like the surprise we left you!_

_Sincerely, Du Shen._

_P.S.: It's great to be back!_

Kikyou seethed before doing something she rarely ever did: she let out an ear-piercing scream of frustration, one that sent all forest life running for cover.

_He's back_, she thought. _He's come back to torment me even further, and contaminate and corrupt this land with his antics!_ She knew something had been wrong ever since she had gotten that feeling. _There's only one thing left to do: he has to be destroyed. Both him and Naraku. Otherwise, this world will not survive. And I won't rest until I do!_

* * *

Well, that's it. I'm writing this for the hell of it, and it will only get wackier. Keep reading, and enjoy!

Next time: Fun at the beach, plus more old friends.


	11. Fun with Amazons, Part 3: Beach Battle

**Chapter 11**

**Fun with Amazons, Part 3: Beach Battle**

Ranma watched the small fire she had made from a good distance away. Putting her hands anywhere near the flames brought about a very unbearable aura of heat that prevented her from going any closer. She sighed.

Gritting her teeth, she emptied the round pieces of brass into her hand, threw them on the fire, and proceeded to attempt to grab them out of the fire.

* * *

At that moment, Max was in the basement, sorting through his weapons and counting his remaining ammunition. He'd switched to better guns since he'd last bought any from the Russians, and now had a lot more ground to cover. The small room's walls were lined with various firearms, blades and other tools he and Carlos had been working on.

As he shoved his remaining clips into a box, he noticed something that made him raise an eyebrow. He'd always been good about counting his ammo exactly, considering its cost. This time, however, a clip was missing. _Did I misplace it?_, he thought to himself. _Or did I count wrong last time?_

As if to answer his question, he heard a loud popping noise, followed by an ear-piercing scream. Whipping his head around to the source of the noise, he heard it again. He recognized it, and sighed. _Looks like he hasn't forgotten our old training session,_ he thought. He walked to the patio, and watched as the redhead fruitlessly tried to snatch 9mm rounds out of a burning fire.

"You know, given your condition, you could've just stuck with chestnuts," Max said.

Ranma stopped rubbing her hands in pain to look up at her father. "Huh? No way! Like I'm gonna go back to the kiddie stuff just because of a little heat!" Another bullet exploded in the fire, sending another round of sparks up. "Ow!"

"You're missing the point," Max said, picking up a nearby pail of water and dousing the fire. "Burning yourself won't make you any faster. Maybe you should try a game that allows you to use this technique without getting near a fire."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" the redhead asked.

"How should I know? You're the one trying to get that pill, so you've gotta do some thinking. But, to be honest, you've been working a bit too hard lately." Thinking for a moment, he turned to his son. "Tell you what…take a break from all this and relax a bit. There's a festival in town this weekend, so go to that. In fact, take Akane with you. I'm sure she'll appreciate a little fun with her non-fiancé." He turned to walk back into the house.

"Why would I wanna go anywhere with her?" Ranma objected. "You said we didn't have to get married."

"Spending time with her couldn't hurt," Max replied. "Trust me, just go. You need this."

* * *

Nabiki stood outside the house, near the koi pond, her ear pressed against the closed screen door, listening to her father and his friend converse in the living room on the other side. She had disappeared when the others had gone to the festival, hoping they would think she had gone with them.

"So Ranma actually went with her to the festival?" Carlos asked. "Mr. I-don't-like-that-uncute-tomboy?"

"Well, I had to convince Akane to go with him as well, seeing as how he just couldn't work up the guts to ask her. But, they ended up going together, so maybe he's growing out of it."

"Do we really want them to end up together?"

"I guess I wouldn't mind it. They're still kids though, and, knowing them, they won't get very far anytime soon. Plus, who knows how many people Gen- sorry, I engaged him to for a free meal during our training trip." The two laughed heartily.

"Oh man, that's a good one. We should start a pool to see how many show up!"

"By the way, where'd Kasumi go?"

"Oh, she went with them, too. She took along Ken so he could go to his first festival. He was really excited."

"Well, he's had a hard life up until now. How's he doing in school?"

"Pretty good, apparently. He's having a little trouble adjusting to Japanese, but he's doing well nonetheless. What about the training sessions? Is he going to end up as the brawn-coated god of blood and death that he's supposed to?"

Max chuckled. "I don't think we have to worry about that. I've got a lot more to teach him since that crash course of all that knowledge with Totosai. The question is, will it be of any use to him outside of living in a post-apocalyptic war zone?"

Nabiki listened with intent, pressing her ear closer against the door. _What on earth are they talking about?_ She had been disturbed by some of their talking points, and wondered what they could mean.

"Onee-chan, what are you doing?" a voice came from behind her.

Nabiki cringed, and turned to find herself face-to-face with her sister. "A-Akane! You're back!" The door suddenly slid open. "Gah!" she yelped as Max and Carlos stood in the doorway.

"Oh, you guys are back already?" She noticed all the clear plastic bags they were carrying. "What're all those?"

"Goldfish," Akane answered. "Ranma won them all in about a minute."

"Heh! It was easy," the redhead replied.

Max smiled. "So, you finally found a way to practice that technique without getting burned, huh?"

"Yeah, and first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna go down to the café and get the pill from that old bat!"

As they all continued to talk, Nabiki slipped inside, and started up the stairs to her room. "Something's not right here. The way Ranma's old man referred to himself was odd." Closing the door to her room behind her, she let out a sigh. "I've gotta keep a closer watch on them from now on."

* * *

Ranma stood, seething as she looked at the sign that adorned the window of the Cat Café. It informed the reader that the business had relocated to the beach for the summer.

Grabbing scruffs of her hair, she let out a yell of rage. "That old ghoul! She thinks she can run away from me, does she?" She stomped off into the street, passing Akane, who just watched with slight worry in her face. "Honestly…"

* * *

"To the beach, then," Carlos told the girls. "For Ranma's sake."

Akane cheered whilst Kasumi smiled. Nabiki eyed her father warily, becoming all the more suspicious of her father's recent behavior.

"Going to the beach just to follow those people," she said to herself. "This can't be good." She sighed. "Though, a small vacation would be nice…"

* * *

Clinging to a pole on a lifeguard post, the young aqua-transsexual peered out across the crowded beach, looking for any sign of the Amazons.

"Just where are you, old hag?" she asked herself. "When I find you, I'm gonna make you sorry you ever messed with the likes of me."

"Strong words," a voice from below said. Looking down, Ranma saw her familiar partner in work. "I'd be moved if you hadn't been saying the same thing for the past week."

"Fumiko!" she said, hopping down to meet her. The girl was in a swimsuit, like she was. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, the old crone gave me the week off, just like you. Guess they think they don't need us for the summer business," she said. "Anyway, I heard you guys were following 'em, and I figured I'd better come along. You could probably use all the help you can get."

Ranma pursed her lips. "I told ya' before, I don't need your help. I'm gonna get that pill from her myself!"

"And how much progress have you made since saying that before you got the job?" Fumiko asked.

Ranma blinked, stumped. "Well, I've gotten quicker with my chestnuts technique…and I swear I almost grabbed the pill the last time I was at work."

"Please," the blue-haired girl responded, rolling her eyes. "She's just playing with you, and you should know that by now. At the rate you're going, you're gonna fall into her trap, and be walking down the aisle with that purple-haired ditz by next week."

"Well, what the hell do you suggest?" Ranma asked.

"How about letting someone help you for a change?" She grabbed his hand. "C'mon, let's go look for the old crone. We'll think of something together."

* * *

Kikyou sat meditating in front of a small flame, occasionally throwing a tiny handful of sand onto it. Holding her two index fingers together, she began to pray.

"Goddess of the Sun, spirits of the heavens, I pray to thee; help me find the one whom will help me conquer the evil that ravages my home."

As if on command, the flame turned blue, and grew larger. Images soon started to appear in the fire. The miko smiled as she glimpsed the face of her supposed savior.

* * *

"So, how often do you do this?"

"Do what?" Ranma asked.

"You know, go to the beach; hang out; just have fun, like a normal kid."

"What are you talking about?" the redhead asked, a weird look on her face.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," Fumiko said, rolling her eyes. "You really can't think of anything other than training right now? Ever?"

"Hey, that's what I do! I don't have time for games. I need to get that pill or else I'll never be a guy again!"

Fumiko stopped walking, and stood in front of him, blocking his path. "See, that's your problem," the girl responded, pointing a finger at him. "You really just need to lighten up and relax every now and then. Otherwise you're never gonna be able to win against that old crone."

Ranma groaned. "Look, I appreciate you trying to help me an' all-"

"Is that so?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"-but I honestly don't need any! Be it you, Akane, or anyone else, you'll just be a distraction. Besides, it may be easier for you to talk about relaxing and having fun, seeing as how you've probably had a much easier life, but my old man dragged me around the globe like an animal! I never got to relax, much less have any fun! So, get off my case!"

"Boo-hoo," Fumiko retorted, in a sarcastic tone of voice. "Cry me a river, why don't you? And besides, what the hell would you know about my life up until now?"

"Huh?" Ranma uttered, taken aback. "Well, I mean…you act so cheerful an all, I figured you…"

"Well, that shows what you know. My childhood wasn't exactly pleasant either, by the way. In fact, I only recently moved back here. You don't wanna know what I was doing for a living until just last year."

Ranma remained silent, looking into her prying eyes. "Well, if you really had such a hard life, how come you're so okay with it now? None of it bothers you anymore? What happened?"

"I learned to lighten up. And it's about time you did. No one likes an emo-kid, so why don't we work on all that backed-up frustration of yours?" She grabbed his hand, and started walking into a crowd.

"Huh? Hey, where are we going?"

"To get you more in touch with your feminine side!"

"What?" The young martial artist's protests went unheeded, though, as Fumiko led him through the long row of shops, looking for something to do. They were stopped by someone stepping in their path.

"Say, what are two precious girls like you doing out here all alone?" the boy asked. He was taller than them, wearing swim trunks and an open shirt.

Ranma frowned. "Get lost, pal, before I-"

Fumiko cut him off. "Forgive my friend, she can get stand-offish at times. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking if you'd like to go get some shaved ice together! I promise I'll be real nice."

"Oh, isn't that nice! But, only if you're buying…"

"Oh, of course!" the boy replied.

"In fact," she said, smirking, "how about we make this a little more exciting?"

* * *

About half an hour later, Fumiko and Ranma were walking away from a crowd of disgruntled boys, each holding a cone of shaved ice. Fumiko was carrying a pouch full of coins she had just won.

"I can't believe you just did that," Ranma said, taking a break from eating her shaved ice. "How did you not lose a single hand?"

"I'm good at making calculations," she said. She had offered the boys in the crowd a chance at winning a kiss in a round of rock-paper-scissors in exchange for buying them a treat. She'd kept most of the money herself before instead of having them buy her something, though. "You've gotta admit that was more fun than just beating up on every guy who hit on us."

"Yeah, but you still didn't have to promise them a kiss from both of us, you know."

"Hey, don't doubt my abilities! Plus, what have I told you about loosening up?"

"What are you saying? That I should want to kiss guys?"

"Nah, just be a bit less prudish. I never said it had to be with boys." She laughed, and walked ahead of Ranma.

"Yeah, well I-" Ranma stopped in mid-sentence when she spotted Fumiko walking in front of her. She was wearing a bareback swimsuit that showed off her noticeable figure. "Uh…I just…"

The girl stopped, turned her head, and grinned. "See anything you like?"

Ranma blinked and shook her head. "That's not what I was doing, or anything!"

"Sure, you weren't," she replied, laughing. She turned back. "Ooh, this looks like fun."

"Huh? What does?"

Fumiko pointed to a man with a microphone, who was shouting an advertisement to a modest-sized crowd. Above him was a large banner that read Martial Arts Melon-Splitting.

"It's a race! It's an art! It's a war! Cut your opponents melons while racing to the finish line! The first to reach it with his melon intact wins!"

Ranma's face dropped as she looked from the banner to Fumiko, and back. "Are you kidding me? I've never heard of anything so stupid in my life-"

"And, for the winner, the grand prize is…the lovely Miss Shampoo!" the announcer shouted.

"Huh," the girl quipped. "Shampoo?" Sure enough, the girl was there, in a rather skimpy, flower-printed one piece, and in her hands was…

"The pill!" Ranma shouted, eyeing the round box that contained the cure she sought. Behind him, the other girl smirked. "Having second thoughts?"

The martial artist smiled, and dusted off her hands. "Well, I'll have you know, if it's got the name 'Martial Arts' in it…"

Her smile disappeared when she noticed that the purple-haired girl had seen her. With an angry look on her face, Shampoo drew a blade seemingly from out of nowhere, and leapt over the crowd surrounding her, charging at the redhead. "Ranma! I kill!"

* * *

Not far away, Akane walked down the row of beach shops, holding a multi-colored inner tube. Nabiki walked alongside her, eating a cup of shaved ice.

"Where on earth is he?" she asked.

"Don't you mean 'she'?" her sister replied.

"Knock it off, Onee-chan!"

"Why so defensive? I thought you didn't like him, but you seem rather obsessed with him lately."

"I am not! I'm just wondering why we haven't seen him in such-"

They were interrupted by screams from the people around them as they scattered to avoid two figures that came leaping out of the crowd. Akane saw that it was Ranma, running desperately from an armed and angry Shampoo.

"Crap, crap, crap!" Ranma shouted, dodging the Amazon's attacks. "I don't need this right now!"

"Ranma! Kill!"

As the two disappeared behind another crowd, Akane frowned, and then sighed.

Nabiki smiled at her. "So? Jealous?"

"Of what?" the girl replied, walking away.

* * *

The incident soon calmed down enough for the event to start. When the whistle sounded, Ranma bolted through the crowd of boys with her bokken. In a matter of seconds, she was on the other side, all of the melons the boys had been holding broken and on the ground.

"All right, where's that finish-"

She was cut off by a familiar voice. "Not so fast, son-in-law!"

Ranma looked up to see the offender, but was blinded by the sunlight. She barely had enough time to dodge the attack by the old woman's staff.

"So, you decided to play too, old ghoul?" she said, exchanging blows with her.

"Oh, don't get the wrong idea," the elder Amazon replied. "I just got to thinking about my old days as a girl playing on the sunny beaches!"

"And how many centuries ago was that?"

Ranma felt a hard jab in her side, and was slammed to the ground, still clutching her melon. Leaping to her feet, she saw Shampoo standing in front of her, melon in one hand, bokken in the other.

"Ranma no win! I kill!" She charged the redhead, who leapt to dodge her. Landing next to Cologne, she shouted angrily, "When are you gonna tell her already?"

"Whenever I feel like it, groom!" she laughed, dodging the girl's swing. "If you settle down and agree to marry her, it will make things a whole lot easier."

"Just give it a rest already!"

She almost didn't notice Shampoo leaping at her again from behind, and braced for impact. "Oh, crap…"

Shampoo, however, was knocked out of the air by an unseen force, and sent to the ground. Getting to her knees, she saw that her melon lay, crushed and splattered, on the sandy ground. Looking up, she saw the familiar blue-haired girl she worked with standing in front of her, clutching both her own wooden sword and intact melon.

"No! Great-grandmother!"

"Oho!" Cologne said, leaping next to Shampoo. "So, my last employee has entered the fight as well, eh?"

Ranma was surprised as well. "Fumiko! What are you…"

The girl smirked. "You didn't think you were alone in this, did you?" She started running towards the finish line. "Last one there's a rotten egg!"

"Hey! Wait!" Ranma shouted, chasing after her. "This is _my_ race, dammit!"

They were both stopped, however, by a tiny sandstorm that clouded their view. When it cleared, the old woman stood in front of them on her staff.

"Don't think I'm just going to let either of you win that easily!" she cackled. "I've got a groom to catch for my great-granddaughter, and I don't appreciate you interfering, Fumiko!" She pointed her staff at the offending girl. "If you want to keep your job, I suggest you stay out of business that isn't yours!"

"Why do you think I took your stupid job offer in the first place, old bat?" Fumiko retorted, not shaken in the least. "I'm here to make sure you don't take an unfair advantage over him! Plus, you won't fire me, with all the business the both of us bring in!"

Cologne leered. "Okay, then," she said, narrowing her eyes. "I hope you know what you're getting into, dear!"

Not waiting for them to finish, Ranma charged past them, the finish line in her view. Again, she was stopped in her tracks by a gust of sand. "Don't think I'm finished with you, groom!"

"Dammit! This is the last time I'm gonna tell you, old mummy!"

"Hold on, Ranma" he heard in his right ear. "We can take her together. Just follow my lead."

"Why do you keep getting involved?" Ranma asked.

"Trust me; you're going to need my help."

"To hell with that! I don't need any help from girls!" She charged forward at the old woman, ignoring the girl behind her.

Fumiko shook her head. "You'll regret it…"

Ranma and Cologne repeatedly exchanged blows, each one trying to outmaneuver the other to strike at the other's melon. After numerous twists, turns and agile flips, both found each other's melon wide open, and struck with their respective weapons. The remains of both melons splattered to the ground.

"Unbelievable!" the announcer shouted. "Both players have been eliminated! But what's this? They're still fighting!"

"You split my melon? Since when are you that good?" Cologne said, flabbergasted.

"Oh, there's a lot about me you don't know, old mummy! I owe you a lot for all the tough training you put me through," she said, striking so hard that she lot her grip on her walking stick, "so let me pay you back now!"

Catching the stick with her foot, she snatched it up and pointed it at the old woman. "Heh. What's wrong, old ghoul? You're slowing down. Old age finally catching up with you?"

From the sidelines, as everyone else stood in awe, Akane remained cautious. _This doesn't add up_, she thought. _He shouldn't be able to beat her so easily…_

"Promise me, old ghoul…if I win, you give me the phoenix pill!"

"Fair enough," she hissed. "However, should I win…you will become Shampoo's groom. Is that a deal?"

"Sure! Whatever you want!" Ranma said, laughing in high confidence.

However, her zeal was cut short by the announcer. "And we have a winner! The contest is over!"

"Huh?" the martial artist said, looking at the finish line. "Oh, crap! I forgot about her!"

Standing just across the finish line, with her melon intact, was his blue-haired co-worker. "You should've accepted my offer of help, Ranma!"

"Dammit!" she yelled, throwing down her bokken in anger. "Does this mean-"

"Oh, don't worry, son-in-law," Cologne said, a smirk forming on her face. "I'm not about to give up so easily!" She grabbed the end of her walking stick while Ranma wasn't looking, and, using her unlikely strength, slammed the girl into the sand.

"Oh my! It was all a ploy!" Kasumi said in surprise.

"What an idiot," Akane added, her head drooping in disappointment.

Leaping to her feet, Ranma launched a kick at the old woman. "What gives, old bat? I thought the race was over!"

"I'm not about to let this opportunity to snatch you up get away, groom!" she cackled. She began to circle the teen at an alarming speed, kicking up cloud after cloud of sand in her face, blinding her.

"Dammit, you sand-kicking old mummy!" She didn't even get a chance to open her eyes when she was catapulted into the air by the old woman's walking stick. She landed by the finish line with a thud. As she lay in the sand, she saw the face of Fumiko appear above her.

"You know, Ranma," the girl said, "you don't have to do this yourself. The offer is still on the table."

"Ugh!" she yelped in pain, trying to sit up. "I told you, I don't need any-"

Her eyes went wide as she saw what was coming at her, and she had to quickly roll to the side to avoid the mace that Shampoo had slammed down at her.

"Ranma! Kill!"

"Ahh! I can't take much more of this!" she said, dodging several attacks from the purple-haired girl.

"So, what'll it be, lover-boy?" the girl asked again.

Ranma was about to rebuff her once more, when both Shampoo and Cologne came at him from opposite ends. Dodging both attacks very closely before flipping out of the way. "Okay, okay! Do what you want!"

Fumiko smiled. "Now, was that so hard?" she said, picking up a pail of water, and hurling its contents at the purple-haired girl wielding the twin maces.

Shampoo barely had time to react before she was doused in the cold water, reverting to her cat form. Shaking herself out of the one-piece swimsuit, she immediately leapt for the pigtailed martial artist, who had a look of utter fear on her face.

Aaaaaaggghhh!" she screamed, running back and forth in the sand as the cat latched onto her head. "What the hell do you think you're doing? How is this considered 'help'?"

"Oh, you'll see soon enough," she quipped, rubbing her hands together. Sitting down on a beach chair, she stuck out her foot just in time for Ranma to run face-first into it, the cat firmly attached to his face. Ranma's skin crawled for a second, then she fell to the ground, twitching as the cat pawed at her face. Within a few seconds, the girl let out a _meow_ sound, and had leapt to her feet, crawling like a cat. Fumiko quietly walked over to the possessed girl, and pointed towards the old woman. "Sic."

Ranma was about to oblige when Cologne held up her hand. "Stop!"

"Huh?" Fumiko said, dumbfounded. Ranma continued to hiss at her.

"I get it now. You're not something to be sneezed at. I'm not prepared to take on the neko-ken just yet…but there will be another time." Reaching into her outfit, she grasped the phoenix pill, and threw it to the blue-haired girl. "I believe you won the race!" Cologne said. "And I see you have quite an uncanny fixation on son-in-law, Fumiko! I admire your spunk, but don't think I'm giving up!"

"Fine with me," the girl replied.

"Farewell, groom!" she said, leaping out of sight. The small, purple-and-white cat scurried to follow her.

* * *

A bit later, Ranma sprung awake as she was doused in a splash of cold water. Sitting up, she shook herself off, and looked around. "Huh? Wha? What's going on-"

He was back at the inn, and Fumiko sat beside him. "You feeling okay?" she asked.

"Huh? Well, yeah, I guess…"

"That was fun," she quipped. "We really should do this again sometime."

"Wait a minute," Ranma said, "what happened? Where'd the old ghoul go? Did I win? Where's the pill?"

"Relax, will you?" she said, reaching into her pocket. "It's right here." She held out the box in front of her. Ranma smiled in relief, and moved to take it. However, she pulled it out of reach.

"Just a moment," she said.

"Huh? What are you doing? That's mine!"

"I beg to differ," she said. "I won the race, didn't I?"

Ranma stuttered, before drooping her head in defeat. "Well, I guess that's true…"

"Hey, don't worry. I'm not trying to impede you. In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing your other form for once." She smiled, causing Ranma to blush.

"However, since I did do a lot of work to help you these past few days, what say you make it up to me?"

Ranma looked at her uneasily. "What do you mean?"

"I'm thinking we go out sometime, and get to know each other better."

"What, you mean a date?"

"Exactly. How does Friday at Six sound?"

Ranma was still a bit stunned by the request, and took time to answer. "I guess that's okay."

"Good, it's a date then." She slammed the pillbox in her hand, and stood up to leave. "Be in your male form, of course. See you there!" She opened the door, and left.

Ranma looked to the door, then to the box in his hand. Lying back on the floor, she let a long, tired sigh.

Whoever this girl was, she was no slouch, and she wasn't sure what to expect on a date with her. Getting up, she made her way to the baths.

* * *

Kikyou sighed in frustration as she returned from her astral form. The 'savior search' hadn't been going as well as she'd hoped. Her powers had brought her to three candidates, all of which had been disappointments, the last one especially so.

_Ten minutes earlier…_

"Yui! Look at this!" a young, dumpling-haired girl said, grabbing hold of a thick, dusty book in a darkened section of a library. It had just fallen from the shelf after a slight tremor.

"The Universe of the Four Gods…what on earth?"

Her friend, a short-haired girl, walked up beside her. "It looks like a Japanese translation of some Chinese legend."

"How can you tell?" the other girl asked.

"Because I recognize these kanji. I took a class on the side."

The two slowly opened the book, and began to read.

"_Herein contains the tale of a young lady and her quest to gather the seven constellations of Suzaku. And if you, the reader, should read to the story's end, the spell contained within this book shall bestow upon you the powers of the heroine, and grant your wish. For indeed the moment the page is turned, the story will become reality."_

Letting the final sentence sink in, the two looked over each other.

"What do you suppose that means?" One of them asked.

"How should I know?"

"But is that true? Will we really be granted a wish if we read all the way to the end?"

"Do you believe everything you read, Miaka? You really are an idiot."

At that moment, a strong gust started to blow, sending loose papers flying.

"Aaahhh! What's that?"

Before the other could answer, a bright light began to shine in front of them. As it got brighter, they closed their eyes, but opened them in time to notice a figure emerging from the light. In front of them was a semi-transparent figure of a woman, dressed in the outfit of a shrine maiden. They both gazed at her, their mouths hanging open.

"Hear me, sisters," the woman said in a deep, commanding voice. "I seek aid in my quest to conquer a new evil that is soon to ravage this land. I seek those pure of heart, pure of mind, and pure of spirit. I have been lead to you in hopes that-"

"Wow!" the dumpling-haired girl suddenly blurted out. "It _is_ true! This is so cool!"

"Calm down, Miaka! What are you talking about?"

"We opened the book, and she appeared! That means we'll be granted a wish!"

"Idiot! What makes you think this has anything to do with what that book said?"

Kikyou could only watch, dumbfounded, as the two continued to argue, oblivious to her presence. "Excuse me…"

"Oh, and a woman in traditional garb talking about a quest just _happened_ to appear after reading a book like that?"

"The book didn't say anything about this! Plus, it's Chinese, and this woman's wearing Japanese clothes!"

Sighing, the miko shook her head. _Hopeless_, she thought. Snapping her fingers, her astral form disappeared, and the two girls stopped bickering.

"Huh? Where'd she go?"

"How should I know?" her friend replied. "You probably scared her off with your babbling."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

Before she could answer, however, there was another gust of wind. With a bright flash of light, the two disappeared.

* * *

Back in her chamber, Kikyou knelt down in front of her flame. All three attempts had met with failure, and she didn't know if it would be worth the effort to continue.

_They've all been useless_, she thought to herself. _Not one of them remotely ready for the task ahead! What's wrong with girls from this era?_

She blinked, and shook her head. _No, I can't give up hope now. I'm going to need help from this era in order to fight this evil. I've got to keep trying._

Throwing sand onto the fire once more, she began to recite the incantation.

* * *

Ryoko Mitsurugi had just gone through what felt like the longest week of her life. In addition to the friendly match with Tatsuya, her sempai and crush, as well as the emotional onslaught it had triggered, there had been the brutal K-Fight with Azumi, the finals, the ensuing going-away party, and, finally, seeing him off before he left for good. All in all, a week she didn't want to live again.

Even though she still hadn't gotten entirely over the week's events, at least she had time to relax. It was spring break now, and she could clear her head, and begin anew. So, she stayed behind at the kendo dojo after everyone else had left, and continued to practice her swings for another hour.

Finally not able to go any longer, she slumped against the wall, sweating and breathing heavily. Wiping her forehead, she reached for her water bottle, but was distracted by a sudden gust of wind and flash of light.

"What?" she gasped in shock as the light became bigger and brighter. Within seconds, the undead priestess was before the girl in her astral form.

"I'm sorry if I have frightened thee," she said, looking down at her new candidate. "But I seek a pure, honest soul with a strong desire for justice to aid me in a fight against a new evil that plagues this land."

After a few seconds of silence, the girl spoke up. "O-okay…"

_Good_, Kikyou thought to herself. _A simple reaction for once_. "Do not be afraid. My name is Kikyou, of the Musashi shrine. What doth be yours?"

Ryoko didn't know what to make of the situation. On the one hand, she was freaked out of her mind. Things like this weren't supposed to happen; she never really believed in ghosts, and people didn't just appear out of thin air. On the other hand, this semi-transparent woman didn't look too mischievous, and what she had said had actually enticed her in the back of her mind.

Swallowing hard, she answered. "Misturugi Ryoko." Bucking up her confidence, she let her samurai personality take over. "Why do you approach me like this?"

"Because I sense purity, honesty and justice in your surroundings. I have observed you for the past several hours, and your dedication impresses and moves me. As I have said, a great evil has set its eyes on this era, as well as mine, and I seek the aid of those who will help me in my struggle against it. Will you hear me out?"

Ryoko wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but, deep down inside, she kept thinking about what her sempai had told her. She was on her own now, and, for the longest time, thought she had been training because of him. He had told her to find her true reason for choosing the path of swordsmanship. She'd always believed in the pursuit of justice. And now…

"Very well," she said, crossing her legs. "Let me hear what you have to say."

* * *

"Well, that was certainly interesting," Max said, unpacking the last of his things. "Looks like I don't need to train him entirely myself!"

"Seriously, who is that girl anyway?" Carlos asked.

"No idea," Max replied. "She shows up outta' nowhere one day, saves me from some cyborg-thingy, disappears, then reappears to help Ranma. For all I know, she's from the future."

"She's certainly strange enough to be," Carlos said, chuckling. "Where's Ranma now?"

"In the training hall, working his ass off. I don't know whether it's because he's happy to be in male form again, or because he's mad that a girl outplayed him in a game of wits and strategy."

"My bet's on the latter."

"Anyway," Max said, donning a light martial arts gi, "I'm off to see some old friends. Don't wait up." Walking into the bathroom, he looked in the mirror, and began to concentrate. Soon, he began to change, and he was in his younger form. Walking out of the bathroom, he waved goodbye. "Later."

He wasn't out of the hallway before he ran into the middle Tendo daughter who, it looked like, had been listening from outside the room. Looking straight at Max, her face took on a confused look. "Who are you?"

"Me?" Max replied. _Crap!_, he thought. _I'm in my younger body right now! Gotta think of something…_

"I'm a, uh…student! That's right, I'm a student of your father's. I recently joined this dojo."

Nabiki's jaw dropped. "You actually joined this dojo? That's ridiculous! Nobody joins this dojo! In fact, I don't remember the last time father ever taught a class!"

"Well, I've given it a look, and this really seemed like the school for me, so, to each his own. Either way, glad to meet you. I'm kind of in a hurry though, so I guess I'll be seeing you. Bye!" He dashed out the door.

Nabiki stood in the doorway, watching the boy disappear into the streets. "Who the hell?" Walking into her father's room, she spotted him as he unpacked.

"How come you didn't tell us that you had a student, father?"

Carlos looked up. "A student?" he said, confused. "What do you mean?"

The girl narrowed her eyes. "I mean the guy I just passed in the hallway, who claims he's your first student in, well…ever!"

"Huh?" Remembering Max, his eyes went wide. "Oh. _Oh_! Him! Of course, my new student! That's true, I forgot to tell you. Hell, I almost forgot myself! I guess that's what happens when you don't train many people over the years! Well, he's rather nice, and I hope you like him."

Nabiki stared blankly at her father for a few seconds before stomping away, up the stairs, all the way to her room. Closing the door behind her, she sat down at her desk.

"This is really fishy," she said to herself. "Dad _never_ gets students. Hell, he rarely even gets people to challenge the dojo!" She had heard her father and Mr. Saotome talking in the room earlier, yet someone else had walked out of it. Saotome was nowhere to be found, either, and she hadn't bothered to ask her father.

"Okay, I'm convinced: that's not my father, and that friend of his isn't who he claims to be. I'm gonna find out who the hell these people are, and what they're doing in my house, if it's the last thing I do!"

* * *

After hopping the train, Max took the steps up to the Higurashi shrine once again, hopped down the Bone-Eater's well, and made his way to Totosai's domain. The two were soon sitting across from each other, a fire between them.

"This is what I wanted to show you," Max said, holding out the sword. "You were pretty out of it after we got you out of that statue, and I was in a hurry to get back, so I didn't have time then. You know what this is, right?"

"This?" he said, inspecting the sword. "This is the Tensaiga, the sword I forged for Sesshomaru. I'm surprised you have it in your possession, and, given Sesshomaru's attitude towards you, I don't envy you, either.

"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself."

"Anyway, how did this come to be in your possession?"

"Jaken somehow got mixed up in the events of the other night. He must've forgotten it."

"Well, then I certainly don't envy that little bastard either. But, speaking as your friend and the forger of this blade, I would urge you to return it as soon as possible, lest his opinion of you fall even lower, if that's even possible."

"Wait, I have to do it? I was kind'a hoping you could do that."

"Forget it! You found the sword, you give it back to him! I'm not going to give him another reason to pester me once again!"

"Okay, okay, I'll take it back to him. Yeesh." Sighing, he laid back against a small rock. "Anyway," he said, looking at the sheathed blade, "just how powerful is this thing? I know it can bring the dead back to life, but can that work with just anyone?"

"It has its own limitations, of course," Totosai replied. "They have to be nearby, and their life must have only been taken recently. The more time has passed, the further the soul gets from the body, making it ineffective."

Max thought for a minute. "But what if the souls never ascended to heaven? What if they had unfinished business? What if you made sure they were close enough to the body when you used the sword?"

"I suppose it could work in that sense. Just who are you so intent on bringing back from the dead, Shen?"

"Nobody, I'm just curious, is all."

"Sure. Take that back as soon as you can, Shen. Just trust me."

"I get it, I get it."

* * *

Max, of course, had been lying back in Totosai's cave. He did indeed have someone in mind, and had ever since he had had a certain discussion with Myoga on their night of drunken frenzy. On one stop, they had visited a few graves of old friends, and Max had remembered when the Tensaiga fell into his hands.

Later that night, he put his plan into action. Taking shovels, tools, clay, coals and other supplies, he trekked to the grave site, dug up the remains of his old friends, threw them into a wagon, and dragged them across the country until he came to his desired location.

"Mt. Hakurei," he said. "It's been a while."

He ascended the mountain, delving into the cavernous depths until he was sure he was deep enough in for purification to be at its strongest.

"This place should suffice," he said, laying out four bags of remains he had brought up the mountain. Gathering the clay, he began constructing four body molds. Finding a small, closed-off area for the fire, he set the coals afire, and baked the molds in the tiny hole until he was ready for the final ingredient. Dumping the ashes of each deceased friend into the mix of each clay mold, he began the final process of molding them into statues. It was getting so hot that Max had to use his Hokuto powers to keep himself from overheating.

Finally, they were done. He laid the molds, which looked like noting more than brown, body-shaped hunks of clay, down on the ground in a row. Bringing out an axe, he cracked open the molds one by one to reveal a naked, lifeless body. Getting a good look at them, he smiled. They looked just like his old friends.

Taking a deep breath, he took hold of the Tensaiga. "Well, now for the moment of truth." Unsheathing the sword, he held it over the fresh, newly-formed bodies. "You guys had so much left unfinished in this world. You never would've gone to heaven; it's just not you." Raising the sword over his head, he gritted his teeth. "Let's hope this works!" He swung it down over the bodies.

Almost immediately, Max felt an aura around the bodies, and could see it in the form of a bluish glow being given off. Within seconds, four small balls of light had entered the cave, swirling around the room as if seeking a home. Looking at them, Max noticed they looked a bit dark at first, but would flash to white and back.

_Corruption of the souls_, he thought. _That's likely what made them evil. But that's exactly why I brought them to this mountain. With just a little push, they'll be purified._

And, with that, he focused his aura on the souls, and gave off a strong burst of chi. All four balls of light gave off a light screaming sound, and turned pure white. Using his aura to calm them, he guided the souls into their respective bodies, watching the lights sink into their homes. After a few minutes, they started stirring. One of them blinked, sat up, and rubbed his eyes.

"What on earth?" he said, pushing his long, unkempt black hair out of his face. "Where…am I?"

"Over here, Banky. An old friend's brought you back."

"Huh?" the man said, looking at the half-demon standing in front of him. "Du Shen? Is that you?"

"In the flesh," he replied. "And so are you, Bankotsu, old pal. Welcome back."

* * *

Sighing a long sigh after a hard day's work, Ryoko fell back onto her bed. She hadn't even bothered to stop and eat dinner with her aunt, heading straight to her room when she got home. She was too preoccupied with the phenomenon she had witnessed – no, encountered – less than two hours earlier. Staring blankly at the ceiling, she thought about what the mysterious woman had told her.

"_His name is Du Shen, which is Chinese for the God who gambles; a fitting name, of course, considering his reputation for looseness and depravity. I've done some research, and he goes by other names on occasion, including a current alias of Genma Saotome. He has a large mark in the shape of the Big Dipper on his chest. Despite his appearances and outwardly friendly nature, he is a force not to be trifled with. He lives only to cause unrest and chaos, and to corrupt and sully the nature of those around him. If we leave him alone, he will bring great suffering to this era of yours. That is why I seek aid from those pure of heart, and ready to vanquish evil. I have observed you, Ryoko, and believe you are suited to the task. Please, take a night to consider my offer."_

Ryoko suddenly had a thought. Her sempai had told her to become a great woman by way of the sword, and urged her to find her true path in life. She knew that path was the way of the sword, but, now that the one she loved was gone, she didn't have her eyes set on a goal. She had always had a strong sense of justice, and showed it every time she beat up any thug or gang member who might be bullying innocents in her town. If there truly was a new evil coming to her world, and she was being called upon to fight it, she didn't know how she was supposed to refuse. Empowered by a goal to set her sights upon, she sat up, clenching her fist.

"I'll do it," she said. "I'll help mistress Kikyou fight this evil. Then…I'll finally have something to live for."

She felt like a new woman.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed that. The next one will be up soon, so keep on the lookout.

Next time: Kikyou strikes back!


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